To think always having the children with you is stressful?

I get this. I had 2 DC 18 months apart. I then had a third when the others were 6&8. That feeling holding the baby, knowing I couldn't just 'nip' to the shops any more without having to prepare anything, strap in car seats etc, the fact I couldn't be without him for long as he was ebf. It took me a few days to remember and accept that I had a different amount of freedom again.

He's now 2, and I'm able to do things again now without too much fuss, but not browsing shops, enjoying catch ups with friends uninterrupted etc. Definitely gets easier once the youngest is school age. You do eventually get back to being an individual.

Single parent here, I get it lol they will both be in school quicker than the teenage years so you can always book a day off and have a day to yourself exploring somewhere. I appreciate it's not spontaneous but it's better than waiting until they are adults. Even better if you can arrange a play date after school for both to give you a longer day

I have never felt like this as DH has the DC more than me.

Because he doesn't think his time is more important than mine.

I am fortunate though as he's not much of a social butterfly and we only have the one so the "maniac in an art gallery" phase was shorter.

Goodness I feel like so many PP are missing the details of the thread 😅 parents don’t have endless spare time. Under 5s are HARD and you can’t just constantly throw them to your OH so you can do all the little things you want to do. You save that for the more important things like hobbies and socialising!

Did you finish reading the rest of my comment? I wouldn’t leave them with him for things that weren’t “worth it”. LIKE for example, wondering round a market by myself which I used to enjoy. I save my spare time for going swimming. Or maybe going out for a meal with friends.

Why wouldn't you leave your kids with their father?? If he's so useless (or dangerous?), why are you with him?

Then you've got a crap husband and he's a crap father - that's nothing to do with having kids.

I feel you OP. I had 3 under 5 at one point and it was so hard. DH was good but working full time + travel so the majority was on me - constantly watching them, guiding them, pulling them apart, taking things off them etc etc forever!!!

But it doesn't last and it does get better! They're now much older, good company and now used to doing things with me like shopping and errands.

Hang in there - you're doing great!

It doesn't have to be years?? Take yourself off for a day out and leave the kids with your husband. I get where you're coming from, but I'm not sure why you can't decide to have some time to yourself (and it does get easier as they get older, my daughter is 7 and I feel like that stress started to lessen when she was about 5).

I have two children, aged four and eighteen months. They are with me all the time unless I’m at work

Mine were with me ALL the time as I was a sahm. Imagine that.

But why not @Workhardcryharder ?

Societal expectations for mothers are so much higher than for men. And why? You're equal parents.

I think why @BrokenHipster is pushing this is when yet another mother makes the choice to be the default parent and the father useless, it's role modelling to the dc. And hey presto, 2 more dc who become adults with lower expectations for fathers than mothers.

Yes, interesting point OP. Life changes enormously when you have a child. In fact, to me, there's no point having a child if your life isn't going to change.
Unless you have good friends or siblings who have had children before you, it is very difficult to fully understand these changes before you have children yourself. You can think about changes and sacrifices etc but it's all theoretical until you actually live the situation.
The pre-school years are some of the toughest because they are so physically intensive- poor sleep, high degree of dependency -and emotionally intensive. You have to give up virtually all the free time and leisure activities you used to enjoy, and try and take pleasure from showing the world (as in life, nature, places etc) to your children instead. Everyone experiences that desire to just go for a pee alone, or have one uninterrupted cup of tea.
As your children gain more independence, you gain more time and opportunity to do things for yourself again, little by little.

So you're saying you have a completely different issue to the OP? Not seeing the relevance of your working schedule to Ops problem of not letting even her partner look after their children while complaining she's always glued to them.

I know what you mean. Mine became teens during Covid, so
we went into lockdown with children who weren’t left, or came everywhere with us to coming out of it with children who (mostly!) wanted to stay at home when I pottered around the shops. It’s like you get a bit of “you” back and autonomy over your life again. It still feels odd though and I still feel a little lost and guilty with free time as I’ve been so used to making sure they are sorted or doing things for them.

It is relentless at the ages they're at but you're really not far off the elder one in particular needing less physical input from you and from then it starts getting easier.

There are some things you can do in the meantime - key is getting out and about as much as you can. Everything feels less of a slog, you relate to your kids differently and you can't do housework when you're not at home. Honestly just close the front door, get in the car and go.

Get your DH to do more. They're his kids too and you're a family.

Make sure you always have frozen pizzas, fish fingers, chips, peas and sweetcorn in the freezer. Even after the most knackering, testing days, everyone is happy if they've got hot tasty food in 15 minutes.

Huh? We are clearly reading that differently. I believe OP means she wouldn’t do it for something small such as a quick wonder aimlessly round town (but would for something “more” such as a trip to the gym, a drink with friends etc). I totally get it. I do lots by myself, but wouldn’t leave my young kids with my husband for things that weren’t “worth it” anymore.

Well I think coping well as a parent is a defining factor in living as an "adult".

What is your DH doing whilst you're struggling this much?

This is why I had a mother's help.

Definitely rethink attitude to your DH. It’s not fair on him or his relationship with them and the more you act like you are the only parent worse it will get.
If you go into hospital today as an emergency for a week would he be able to care for them smoothly? If not then that should be a wake up call.
Why did he have them if he doesn’t he want to spend time with his children and take them places.

Op. I assume your children are 'tough' all week and you do it all on your own. So tough that their father couldn't manage it for ONE hour. Why do you think you should have to do it all week on your own but he shouldn't have to do it at all on a weekend to give you a break?

I don’t have another day. I work Mon- Friday, but Ds only has morning nursery place until 11.30am. So I’m limited to mornings working alone. If I have a busy week of orders I have to work after 6pm when dh takes over, or weekends when dh takes over. Art galleries aren’t open Sundays here. Most shops shut by 12pm Saturday here, all day Sunday. So if I need to go it’s weekday afternoons, but with Ds.
If it happens to be a quiet weekend it’s household stuff or family time as that’s also limited.
School doesn’t start until 6 years here, and when it does, it’s finished by 12 also

Ha, I also used to fantasise about a hospital stay.

I think people with an available DH, or family on hand to help out will never understand what it is like to not have that. Similarly, people who would think nothing of paying a babysitter £50 to have an afternoon wondering round the shops/seeing friends don't understand that it would be unthinkable for others. For both the extravagance of money, and precious family time.

It is hard, OP, but it gets better very quickly.

You are certainly being argumentative, you've been difficult for the whole thread for no reason 🫠 You're coming across as very irritated by the op so if you are actually not at all annoyed you might want to reread your posts before you do post them, as your posts come off very wound up!

Been here since 2007, so, no.

So back to the op's point. I am with my children most of the time unless I'm working. As is my DH. That can be tiring.

If you can't leave his own children with him to go food shopping, then that is a huge problem.
And it's why @BrokenHipster went on the channel she did, so often when posters post here, an entirely different problem, emerges.

The first few comments seem to be particularly goady/thick.

I'm the same as you op and I get it, if I'm not working I have my toddler with me and it's very hard to get things done. Also have a school age dc who has a lot of out of school commitments (sport, groups, social stuff) so my life basically revolves around meeting both of their needs.

Do you have a Dh who could watch them in the evenings so you can pop out to see friends or go to a class or something?

My house is in total disarray. Dh and I haven't had a date night in 2.5 years and I don't think people who have lots of family support get it at all.