Husband says any man would cheat given the opportunity

Yes I think most men would given the right circumstances. I have been cheated on by husband of near thirty years so I might be biased in my opinion. A lot of women would too but women tend to have different priorities.

Maybe... but I think you are being too kind to him. The fact he buys into the idea, and is asserting his 'right' in that way is itself a big issue. As it speaks to how he sees his relationship and how he sees cheating. And it has real-world implications too. Someone who thinks everyone else is doing something bad (evading tax, shoplifting, cheating) is far more likely to actually do it.

If I told my wife I had a right to control her finances, and that all men know really that that's their role in the household, it would be a big red flag even if I didn't in fact starve her of cash.

You asked a stupid question and received a sarcastic reply. Would you ever see another good looking, sexy man and think “Oh, look at you!”. I won’t believe you if you say no.

I don't think its true that any man would, but i think a lot would.
Also women, because i think infidelity is very common in both sexes.

But that’s very different to I would cheat. Attraction doesn’t remove the ability to think for yourself. You can choose not to have sex or intimacy with someone.

i asked my exh if he would ever be interested in another woman.
He replied “yeah…i became blind when i married you”.
He met someone alse.

I’m any man, and no. No, I would not. What do I gain? Very little but can lose a lot. It’s like those stupid, would you cheat for £1m videos which makes zero sense to me as £1m isn’t a lot of money, it wouldn’t even pay expenses for the house I already own.

Yeah, cheating is not on and I wouldn’t cheat if given the chance.

You only know what you know. I know personally two happily married couples, long term years married, where both husbands have regular affairs and one night stands. Wives havent a clue. Both director level roles and unpredictable hours and work nights away, so their behaviour doesnt change.

we also know one study found 30% of men questioned would force a women to have sex with them if they knew they would get away with it.

we also know 70000 men were in a group about raping women.

i doubt these men would have any issues with affairs and ons.

I think what makes this difficult to grasp for many women on this thread is that, in all honesty, they know this to be true and they don’t want it to be. It’s just another one of these inconvenient facts of life that we wish didn’t exist but sadly it does. Your husband, your father, your sensitive and caring brother who always attends local feminist rallies, would cheat if they could get away with it.

What does he say sober?

I’d be having a sober conversation about whether he’s been faithful through your marriage, and whether he considers monogamy to be the goal and expectation of the marriage.

would he cheat given the opportunity? cause it’s hard NOT to have the opportunity.

And so would many women. I can’t be the only one who’s seen how some married women behave at conferences.

Mine said no as well when I asked him years ago.

He's now very much an exh as he cheated more than once.

This.
It would give me the ick but it was a stupid comment in the context of a trivial conversation. I wouldn’t attach importance to it per se.

Yes I think if they had no chance of being caught many would

Let’s take a few words out:

”A man that doesn’t cheat […] is still a cheat.”

Makes no sense.

I would say 80% of men would cheat in right circumstances. It's amazing how open men are with each other about this.

Some of the things people I know get upto, behind their wife's back, is actually mindblowing.

Of the blokes I know who do or have cheated on their partners. Only 1 out of about 10 have ever been caught out and that was after a years.

There’s a massive clustering effect, I think. None of my friends have divorced. None have had affairs. None have been cheated on (as far as they know). We are all perhaps a bit boring, very busy, and with other priorities.

In other circles it seems to be very much an option.

People are saying that in their male workplaces, many do. In DH’s male workplace, they aren’t allowed to talk in that way. At all. It makes him slightly uncomfortable for fear of talking about something he shouldn’t- he really doesn’t need to, because he never would, but he’s a worrier 🤣

Different groups develop cultures I think.

Hmm. I have been with DH since I was 18, married 30 years and never cheated.

However, as a thought experiment. If I was still young and beautiful and I was on a solo trip abroad - say, a conference - and met a beautiful man with zero connections to my real life and he was interested in me, would I cheat as a one-off? I don't know, but it might be a fantasy to do so. In reality I went on several solo trips for conferences etc and never even flirted with anyone. I have a huge amount invested in this relationship and wouldn't want to jeopardize it. But on the other hand, the thought of being desirable and desired, the thought of passion and being swept away, is quite seductive.

In reality I wouldn't do it because of the risks and the threat to my stability and relationship, and that I love my DH and would hate to hurt him. But if it came with an absolute guarantee that no one would find out, nothing would change, I would not be eaten up with guilt....maybe I would have?

The only man I know who has said this, is one who had been cheating for 15 years! Bollocks would they.

This is a very good point too.

When my DH and I went to counselling after I found out about his affair (he was vocally anti-cheating and I was a “my DH never would, we’re happy and have lots of sex so he doesn’t need to” wife) our counsellor said his experience over many years is the reason men cheat or don’t is generally as simple as opportunity with someone they find attractive and the idea they won’t get caught. Very depressing really.

I think your DH was being goady but misinformed.

When in groups (work, hobbies, sport) men tend, if they're not particularly strong characters, to mirror the dominant behaviour, which may be one of objectifying women and which has probably given your DH that impression.

What men nearly all tend to do though is fantasise a lot about cheating and indulge in porn to varying degrees, but not so much in real life.

Some men are serial cheats and will dip and in and out. They won't ever leave their wives. They simply want sex with other women. Some will only cheat for exit affair because they fundamentally aren't happy with their marriage but do want to be married. Given the chance to be with someone they're more suited to they will cheat briefly and go. I'd put at least 75% of men into either of the above categories. Women are fools who give up their own independence and stay home long term. You're just so vulnerable.

It depends on who may have been offering the opportunity though. It would not surprise me that most men would probably cheat if the "right" woman was up for it.