Husband says any man would cheat given the opportunity

Same.

I recall a guy I dated years ago. Before we got together I had hit on him and he turned me down as he had a girlfriend. He could easily have got away with it as he was staying away from home that weekend and neither I nor the girlfriend knew the other existed till that point.

He said it was very tempting but “no” as he had a girlfriend.

Years later they had split up (for unrelated reasons) and he was single and eventually we got together.

This is your husband telling you he would cheat.

And he probably has.

Cheating is about moral character. No, not “every man” is of such low moral character that they would cheat given the chance.

However your DH is demonstrating once again that the biggest misandrists on the planet are men.

I agree.

I get it. It’s really disrespectful for him to say it to you, for starters. I would be feeling like my husband was a bit pathetic-old chubby bald 60 year old wanting his leg over with a bit on the side. Ick.

Tell him you can see he’s out of sorts today, a bit grumpy and fed up. Ask him what he’s worrying about. Ask him to articulate why he’s huffy today.

I’d be really interested in his answer.

Is he cross he’s given himself away? Cross he’s never had the opportunity? Thinking that now you’ll cheat because you know he would? Cross because you know no one made a pass at him.

If he can explain why he’s huffy, you’ll find it helpful to decide how to react.

Maybe fidelity needs a rethink. So many seem unable, unwilling or even uninterested in it.

I think if there was a guaranteed zero chance of discovery, a lot more people would cheat than would maybe admit it.

Exactly, she’s being realistic. It’s making her question all sorts about their relationship and attraction etc, and she’s feeling like he pulled the rug out from under her, like he thinks he could “do better”. I’ve been there! Even though my ex was more attractive to me than anything and I could see why women would go for him, I was seriously put out, being younger than him, as attractive, I felt he was saying he didn’t value me

Use this as an opportunity to have a conversation - when you’re both sober. Just honestly tell him how it made you feel. I’ve met countless women who believe what your husband said. I always thought that was sad - to have that low expectation of men. And it’s sad when a man admits he believes the same.

The other alternative is to run away and join a women’s commune?! And the only polyamorous/non-monogamous relationships I’ve witnessed in real-life usually are just women who’ve given up expecting anyone to be faithful and the man in the relationship ( whether they identify as one or not) looks like the cat that got the cream.

My response would be "well it's a good job you're an ugly sod then isn't it and the opportunity is unlikely to arise".

This! It's fucking liberating.

Regardless of our own individual circumstances (I'm definitely not set up for life albeit I'm in my 40s), more and more of us women are actively choosing this path and for blindingly obvious reasons.

His behaviour is dreadful.

He's in a huff because because he thinks it's his god given right to be able to cheat and for whatever reason, he can't. No one fancies him. Don't let yourself be gaslit into feeling bad for calling him out on what he said - he's been very clear.

I'd be so grossed out with him at this point OP. He's absolutely frustrated and pissed off that he has no choice but to be faithful because no one else wants him. The question really is, do you even want him any more?

Personally, I think in this short life we have, time is too precious to be spending it playing second fiddle to the delusions of a male who is lacking in a solid moral compass.

Can you trust him moving forwards?

I agree with him. He said what he actually thinks with his guard down. In vino veritas.

There will now follow a 'misandry!!!' backlash - which is contradicted by the number of blindsided women right here on Mumsnet whose worlds have been shattered by the discovery that their seemingly lovely faithful blokes have been dipping their wicks elsewhere.

I am convinced they are more likely to compartmentalise and juggle wife & kids, mistress, affairs, prostitutes than women. Convinced.

So eyes open. Ears to the ground. Etc. You've been warned.

'Any man would cheat, given the chance!'

Sounds like some fat, old, balding bloke who's bitter at not getting any action outside of his marriage.

What a prize you've ended up with.

This sums it up! ☝️ 🎯

Some men keep their promises. even though it's hard. Some don't. Some recognise that keeping promises is hard and take steps to avoid getting the opportunity to break promises.

It's hard to love, honour and cherish someone constantly over the years. We are only human. However the good people work at it

ETA people say stupid stuff all the time but if when questioned they would admit to actively and knowingly betraying you if they could, I would review staying married.

You don't see the problem with a man telling his partner that he would cheat on her if he had the chance?
Raise your bar

Yes. Or when someone has a child who is unkind and a bully and they say "They're all like it." I've heard that one.

It is disrespectful to say this to you.

However, IME it is spot on.

I don't think he's right on this. Thinking back over my career (which involved a lot of working away), I've seen married men hook-up and have flings, often with single woman but not always. However, I've also seen married men turn down approaches including one which is still instilled in my memory who I saw run from the bar and lock himself in his hotel room. I think fantasising about something and acting on it are generally two different things. Not to Jimmy Carter though bless him. He considered even thinking about it as being unfaithful.

I really don’t think I’d take a free pass. Would find it very hard to live with myself as completely against the vows I made when we married.

He's telling his wife he simply hasn't had the opportunity to. But if one presented itself he would.

You don't know none of them cheated. People get away with it every day. Or they didn’t get away with it, but the other person stayed. Or they have an open relationship.

We can't know about other people's marriages.

100%, it’s blessing when they actually say it, because they have revealed who they are. Narcissists have to be better than other people, they can’t possibly consider they have undesirable traits/ deficiencies that others don’t have, plus they think the world revolves around them so they have zero problem speaking for all people as though they are the authority on how the whole world thinks. The whole world doesn’t think like them, from objectifying people, to having low moral standards, lacking attachment and true love, lying with ease etc, no the world as a whole does not think like them.

That would massively give me the ick and change my perception of him. I wouldn't be happy. He has given you an insight into his head.