Husband says any man would cheat given the opportunity

He's wrong

This indicates that, if he's been faithful to you all this time, it's only because no-one else wanted him! Not exactly affirming, is it? You should be bloody annoyed, he's effectively said you're what he had to settle for.

He's an idiot. I sincerely hope you'll get the profuse apology you deserve.

He's also wrong, by the way. These honeytrap agencies do exist, and they do have satisfied customers - that is, targets who turn down the opportunity even though the 'trap' is chosen to suit their preference.

This of course depends on the context. If you have a great sex life, no need for him to look elsewhere. If you don't he may. My behaviour was appalling. My job involved a lot of travel, I was the head of a large international business, quite well known in its field, did a lot of speaking had published some books, In the end my wife divorced me, with good cause. Now she lives in some splendour and I don't. Serves me right and I have no complaints.

You don’t see the issue with a husband saying he would absolutely cheat if a woman came on to him? Are you insane?

I’d be interested to know why he thinks it’s only men?

My husband would never say that in a million years, he is staunchly anti cheating

A couple of my friends were married to lovely guys, both vocal anti cheats, they both cheated.

Someone actually did a study on this. Found that most men would cheat if there was absolutely zero chance of being discovered.

I can’t get too excited about it. If men are not cheating because it would upset their partners then that’s good. Doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be one of the ones who would like to if it was consequence free.

My friend’s DH died suddenly which caused her to have unexpected access to his information. He had been cheating when he was abroad. I know he never meant for her to know and would have been devastated at the upset it caused.

My husband would never say that in a million years, he is staunchly anti cheating

Well he’s only giving his opinion and obviously not every single man in the world would cheat, it’s probably more like 90%.

I work in a male dominated industry and there are lots of men who are "happily married" and "family men". Most of them have had affairs over the years. It's really sad. I don't think all men would cheat if they had a chance. Some just wouldn't. But there are a lot that would/ have and their partners believe they wouldn't.

Do I think my partner would cheat. Hmmm who knows. I have never had any suspicion or any reason to think he would but you can never, ever be sure.

I agree

So in other words, the only reason he hasn’t cheated is due to lack of opportunity?!

I think it’s normal to feel attracted to others, probably even more so for men. But being actually willing to cheat is something different - plenty of men wouldn’t cheat because they connect sex and intimacy, and they wouldn’t be able to face being so disloyal to a partner they love.

I know it’s only theoretical but I’d actually be really hurt by this.

It’s only one step away from saying he’s only stayed with you because no better offers have come along.

A half-drunken conversation about famous people you find attractive - fine. But telling your spouse that you’d actually cheat on them if you could? 😳 Fucking hell. Absolutely not ok.

I’m not entirely sure what I’d do with this information but I don’t think I would be able to just shrug it off. Maybe see what he says in the morning?

My DP can be a real nob at times (as can I) but I’m confident that it’s not lack of opportunity that means we’re both faithful. I wouldn’t touch another man, regardless of how hot he was, and I’m certain that my DP wouldn’t do anything with a woman either. Not everyone enjoys random shags - even men 🤷‍♀️

(Edited for typo)

I believe more people than you think would do all manner of things if they knew they would face zero consequences.

Agreed.

He's right, and it's obviously an uncomfortable truth for you.

It was a stupid remark on the back of a frivolous and largely pointless, wine-fuelled disagreement on the back of a fictional TV show. He clearly can't speak for all men and unless he has actually been in the situation he can't even speak truly for himself.

I do agree with this, can see why you're hurt by his comments OP. I don't think all men would cheat given the chance, I think a lot would though. I didn't used to be so jaded until I worked in a male dominated job and whew I was surprised.

Whilst I’m sure that some men would not cheat, there are many women (and men) who could not believe that their partner would ever cheat on them only to find that, sadly, they were wrong.

We are animals, with a thin veneer of civilisation, and there are biological impulses at play. I think the majority of men would cheat if they had the opportunity.

I would be extremely upset OP.

It's not so much the " all men" would cheat , because that's obviously not true. It's the fact he is giving away his own feelings: that he doesn't love or respect you enough to want to be faithful to you.

Whether or not he has cheated is almost irrelevant because he has now made you aware of his fantasies when he looks at other women. And personally I think out of respect to you he should have kept such fantasies to himself.

I was with a man like this. I’m surprised it hasn’t reared its head before now, have there not been any signs regarding the way he thinks about these things in the 30 years you’ve been together? He’s fooling himself by the way. Anyone that claims to speak for a whole group of people has very little insight. Some men, maybe many men would, but not not all. For many it would turn their stomach to think of it.

It sounds like he would like to, but hasn’t been given the chance.

I think it's the case for a lot of men and quite a lot of women. All you have to do is read on here. The husbands don't cheat on their own.

I had a conversation with a married male friend, who confessed that if he had the opportunity to cheat with a younger model, he would. He said he'd hate to get older and regret not having his chance with another woman. I was gobsmacked. I don't think he has cheated, but this made me think he would - given the chance. I think perhaps though, sometimes it's the idea - the fantasy, that appeals - reality is a very different thing. Men seem to put more importance on their sexual appeal to others, whereas women seem to be more concerned with staying attractive for their man (massive generalisation I know - but going on what I have witnessed). I don't know if it's a genetic thing or what, but to verbalise it out loud, and defend it, is a pretty dim thing to do. I don't think he's considered the implications of his words, felt a bit silly, then huffed off. I would talk to him when he's sober, he'll probably back track considerably - because with most men at this stage of life, they stand to lose a hell of a lot more than their wives do.

.*..deploy the penguin bollards

😂*

I’ve just asked mine, half comatosed, and he says no 🤷🏻‍♀️