Aibu for hating my mom for just letting my sister borrow my stuff without asking me first?

58 replies

Alimai · 12/01/2025 00:27

hi! Im 20 and live with my parents and my sister lives with her soon to be husband. But when i spend some time at my boyfriends home and my sister visits. Then my mom feels entitled to borrow some of my stuff away covers, pillows, slippers, ect socks and sometimes when i come back i can smell she has been in my room since i have all my perfumes in my room... and i HATE it, i feel like she is not being respectfull of my belongings i even pay rent to live at home so i feel like at least let my stuff in peace will ya.. i feel this possesion over my stuff :( like for now i don’t have any control over my belongings.. thats why i can’t wait to move out with my own boyfriend. And feel like i finally have controll over my own stuff. And lock my room? It dosn’t work.. the door lock only locks itself by same damn key of the bathroom.. even if i lock my door they still open it.. and they don’t even ask! So i get so nervous! If i have a nice plushie in my room it even get borrowed away for my niece.. i feel like my stuff its everyones stuff to use whenever they want when they over and don’t have a room to sleep in. And i feel ew when they let them borrow my pillows or duvets because others sweats so i need change them asap.. like all my beloved, expensive stuff are inside my room so yea i do have a bit possesion over my stuff being stolen or stained, especially since my mom just borrowed my sister a very nice blanket to sleep in that i got for chritsmas from my boyfriends mom.. i know this come out as a greedy idk. But i always felt this about my stuff and others just feeling entitled to take them and borrow them without asking :( like i payed and got gifted these stuff

OP posts:

ThisPageIsBlank · 12/01/2025 00:57

And perhaps ask them how they'd feel if while they were away on holiday you let other people use their clothes and perfume and other personal items and sleep in their bed without even informing them, let alone asking permission?

It's also gross that they did that and didn't have the courtesy to wash the sheets and remake the bed themselves afterwards, before you returned. Even if you'd given permission for someone else to sleep in your room that is the absolute minimum that should be expected as a matter of course!

Juiceinacup · 12/01/2025 00:56

How does the door fit in the door surround, could you fit a hasp and padlock or you get combination bolts or get an extra lock fixed into the door that only you have a key for. Anything that will just stop them walking in. Otherwise you only option is to move out.
edied for spelling

bridgetreilly · 12/01/2025 00:54

Save up and move out.

ThisPageIsBlank · 12/01/2025 00:53

I presume you've already had a conversation with your parents to tell them that this makes you uncomfortable and that they do not have your permission to do this?

It's extremely disrespectful of them not to respect your privacy and the sentimental value of certain belongings. At the very least, I'd expect them to contact you and ask permission if they wished to borrow something when you were not at home, not to just take it.

I wouldn't do this to my small children, let alone an adult.

Just fit a new lock and door handle to your bedroom door and don't give them a key. You can get one from any DIY store or Screwfix and fit it very easily yourself with basic tools.

If they ask why tell them that you've already asked them not to take your belongings/ go into your private space when you are not at home and this hasn't been respected so you have done this to protect your privacy. Given you are paying them rent I cannot see that they have a reasonable objection to the space you are paying for being private and secure.

Then save up as fast as you can to move out. They sounds like they have very inappropriate boundaries and I expect your relationship with them will improve vastly once they are not in a position to trample over yours.

Original poster

Alimai · 12/01/2025 00:44

@thisisagoodsign at least it dosn’t hurt to ask. Idc if family or not but thats dons’t mean family can just feel entitled to take my stuff without asking. My room is my safe space 100%! But it dosn’t even feel like it when my stuff gets taken from my room..

OP posts:

thisisagoodsign · 12/01/2025 00:38

That would do my head in. Your room should be private. That is very disrespectful.

Original poster

Alimai · 12/01/2025 00:35

@Fishandchipsareyum depends when they dont even ask and just feel entitled to borrow my stuff ayway it dosnt great for me.. i have my spare money at a box and nice jewerly n stuff im afraid to be stolen. It may not be the case but i still hate it. Since i payed most of my stuff myself

OP posts:

Fishandchipsareyum · 12/01/2025 00:30

I can see how that could be annoying, but I like to help people out and that comes across as helping them feel comfortable I guess ? Could see it that way ? And lock up things that are very private in a box with a padlock on ?

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