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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu for hating my mom for just letting my sister borrow my stuff without asking me first?

58 replies

Alimai · 12/01/2025 00:27

hi! Im 20 and live with my parents and my sister lives with her soon to be husband. But when i spend some time at my boyfriends home and my sister visits. Then my mom feels entitled to borrow some of my stuff away covers, pillows, slippers, ect socks and sometimes when i come back i can smell she has been in my room since i have all my perfumes in my room... and i HATE it, i feel like she is not being respectfull of my belongings i even pay rent to live at home so i feel like at least let my stuff in peace will ya.. i feel this possesion over my stuff :( like for now i don’t have any control over my belongings.. thats why i can’t wait to move out with my own boyfriend. And feel like i finally have controll over my own stuff. And lock my room? It dosn’t work.. the door lock only locks itself by same damn key of the bathroom.. even if i lock my door they still open it.. and they don’t even ask! So i get so nervous! If i have a nice plushie in my room it even get borrowed away for my niece.. i feel like my stuff its everyones stuff to use whenever they want when they over and don’t have a room to sleep in. And i feel ew when they let them borrow my pillows or duvets because others sweats so i need change them asap.. like all my beloved, expensive stuff are inside my room so yea i do have a bit possesion over my stuff being stolen or stained, especially since my mom just borrowed my sister a very nice blanket to sleep in that i got for chritsmas from my boyfriends mom.. i know this come out as a greedy idk. But i always felt this about my stuff and others just feeling entitled to take them and borrow them without asking :( like i payed and got gifted these stuff

OP posts:
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SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 12/01/2025 17:41

I agree that it's disrespectful and I wouldn't like it either.
But you've told them how annoyed you are and they continue to do it, so what can you do to get yourself some personal space? Move in with your boyfriend, get a flatshare, put a new lock on your door? You need to take action.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 12/01/2025 15:08

So they take bed covers off your bed - ones that you have already been sleeping in? That’s weird!

Nanny0gg · 12/01/2025 15:02

wherehavealltheflowers · 12/01/2025 04:55

You sound like an overgrown child!
You are an adult. 20 years old! 🤣
Why are you still at home- don't answer that by the way but maybe think what you can change in your life that you can be-
Not only an adult, but an independent adult.
Or stay at home fighting with your siblings.. there's a big world out there.. whilst you're squabbling, you're missing out.

You open your bedroom and possesions to your family do you?

She's only 20, paying her way and wants to save up too.

She should have her wishes respected

ThisPageIsBlank · 12/01/2025 14:58

Rocknrollstar · 12/01/2025 10:19

You are 20. their house, their rules. If you don’t like it, move out. They are not going to change.

OP is paying rent for her room. It is her private space and these are her possessions. How ridiculous to assert that she should accept a rule that they can take her belongings without her permission simply because they own the property within which she is renting a room. I wonder whether you'd support private landlords being able to do the same?!

Rocknrollstar · 12/01/2025 10:19

You are 20. their house, their rules. If you don’t like it, move out. They are not going to change.

Shinyandnew1 · 12/01/2025 10:05

Is there a bedroom for your sister to sleep in when she comes 'home'? Is there bedding in there?

What's your time frame on moving out? Will it be this year?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 12/01/2025 10:00

@Alimai is she allowing your sister to sleep in your bed? does your sister not have a room in their house?? definitely change the lock to your room. oh and get a camera for your room!

Catza · 12/01/2025 10:00

You seem completely over the top about your possessions. God help you when you move in with your boyfriend.
I perfectly understand the need for private space and respect of being asked but accusing your family of stealing without any evidence of them doing so is just mental.

BobbyDazzlers · 12/01/2025 09:54

Nitsnitsnits · 12/01/2025 01:15

You’re going to get a range of responses I think. A lot of people clearly agree with you. At the end of the day it’s up to you, but I’d suggest you to think whether being close to your family matters to you. If it doesn’t, you’re totally entitled to feel like that - so buy a padlock and move out as soon as you can. If it does, the next time it happens maybe remind yourself that these are your family, and people matter to you more than things. My sister has always been like you, went mental if anyone borrowed anything of hers, and was incredibly possessive of everything. Fair enough, we learnt not to borrow her stuff, but equally we will never lend her our stuff or help her out now and recently she was saying how we never do anything as a family any more, what she doesn’t realise is we do, we just don’t tell her about it because none of us feel close to her or enjoy her company, she’s just not that nice of a person. You can’t make your family basically feel like they are contaminating your precious stuff and expect them not to have feelings in return, would be my perspective, but a lot of people clearly think different.

You actually sound worse than your sister.

HPandthelastwish · 12/01/2025 09:44

Have you never stayed in a hotel? Plenty of shared duvets etc thre.

Presumably you have actually had a conversation with your parents and sister.
Asked them to change the duvet covers if they use it. Or bought your own duvet and sheets and given them back your way that they bought as a spare for when your sister visits? Buy a safe for your luxury things if you are that concerned about them or a trunk with a padlock.

If you are unhappy then move out. That's the answer.

ThatRareUmberJoker · 12/01/2025 09:37

When I say a home it will be the one you buy and get a mortgage for. Your young you don't have to tolerate your family. They will admire you for your independence and courage.

ThatRareUmberJoker · 12/01/2025 09:33

Alimai · 12/01/2025 08:19

@2catsandhappy i bought my own bed, duvets, covers and bedding and pillows.. besides this bed cover my bfs mom gifted me this chritsmas. That i really loved since it has my fav designs on it.. fot now only 1 job

Maybe you should start saving your money for a home. I think your mom should be telling you to save that 600 not give it to her to squander. That's what I asked my daughter's to do to start saving and not squandering their money. Your family do sound very entitled.

HoraceCope · 12/01/2025 09:32

why did you have to buy your own bed?

Notmanyleftnow · 12/01/2025 08:42

Can you move out?

Original poster
Alimai · 12/01/2025 08:39

@LouH1981 i feel you.. my old sis can be very bossy and my mom just think its okay to share my stuff.. problem i also have with pillows, covers and beddings is that for me these stuff are personal.. unless changed. I hate the tought that they have been sweated on from someone else besides myself.. and that my sister and mom sees my stuff as «eh she has many of those stuffs anyways..» and later even dare to say that she let my sister borrow it..

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 12/01/2025 08:38

Nitsnitsnits · 12/01/2025 01:15

You’re going to get a range of responses I think. A lot of people clearly agree with you. At the end of the day it’s up to you, but I’d suggest you to think whether being close to your family matters to you. If it doesn’t, you’re totally entitled to feel like that - so buy a padlock and move out as soon as you can. If it does, the next time it happens maybe remind yourself that these are your family, and people matter to you more than things. My sister has always been like you, went mental if anyone borrowed anything of hers, and was incredibly possessive of everything. Fair enough, we learnt not to borrow her stuff, but equally we will never lend her our stuff or help her out now and recently she was saying how we never do anything as a family any more, what she doesn’t realise is we do, we just don’t tell her about it because none of us feel close to her or enjoy her company, she’s just not that nice of a person. You can’t make your family basically feel like they are contaminating your precious stuff and expect them not to have feelings in return, would be my perspective, but a lot of people clearly think different.

So you have ostracised your sister because you used to take her things without asking and she didn't like it? Is the reason you say that she isn't a nice person just because she doesn't like you borrowing her stuff or are there other reasons?

LouH1981 · 12/01/2025 08:32

As a younger sibling of a very controlling sister, I can absolutely relate. IME, my Mum wouldn’t have been able to stop her (she was aggressive to her) and it was more a way of saying ‘I can take’ (and often not return) your things rather than ‘I would like to use them’. I only realised that not every sibling relationship is like this when I met my husband who has a great bond with his.
I’m not saying your sister is quite so bad but it is certainly disrespectful and I can empathise with you feeling like your privacy is constantly invaded.
If your sister asked to borrow them, would you let her?
If so, maybe suggest she texts you first out of courtesy?
If not, I think you need a firm conversation with them both and/or a better lock.
I do think that some (not all) older siblings almost feel entitled to do this kind of thing and forget we have boundaries which should be respected instead.

Original poster
Alimai · 12/01/2025 08:24

@BitOutOfPractice right?! Who they think they are to just help themself with ypur belongings! Where is the privacy and respect? Why is it so hard to ask?! Is was more annoying that i locked my door but they still unlocked it.. thats why im hating when my sister stays over.. because i know my parents don’t give a shi about my belongings and privacy. And my room and stuff are just «feel free to borrow what u need» 🙄

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 12/01/2025 08:19

People borrowing stuff without asking is so bloody annoying!

Original poster
Alimai · 12/01/2025 08:19

@2catsandhappy i bought my own bed, duvets, covers and bedding and pillows.. besides this bed cover my bfs mom gifted me this chritsmas. That i really loved since it has my fav designs on it.. fot now only 1 job

OP posts:
2catsandhappy · 12/01/2025 08:15

Buy a suitcase with a combination lock on it. Keep your money and jewellry in it. Tell no-one. You will use the suitcase when you do move out and for future holidays.

If your parents bought the duvet, pillows, covers and cases they well may feel they can use them as they want to.

When you do have a moving out day, will you take those items off your bed with you? Or will your parents expect you to leave them behind for their guests?

As part of saving up, budget money for a complete bed set. Fresh and lovely just for you.
Can you get a 2nd job to help you save faster?

BlueSilverCats · 12/01/2025 08:14

You need to make a plan for moving out.

Stop buying expensive things for a while to enable you to save more quickly . Is your boyfriend also saving up? Is moving in together a realistic plan? What's the timeline on that?

Out of curiosity, is this a continuing pattern from your childhood , or something new?

ChristmasCwtch · 12/01/2025 07:36

They’re rude and entirely unreasonable. Hope you’re able to move out soon!!

P.s. It’s lend, rather than “borrow away”

Pat888 · 12/01/2025 07:12

I would put all nice things in a bag at your boyfriends -take your make up with you when you go out. Also a lockable suitcase in your room for stuff. Live with less stuff until you can afford to move out.

Eyresandgraces · 12/01/2025 07:01

When they’re out get a locksmith to fit a new lock.
Job done.

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