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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my friend the truth?

169 replies

OneOfTheTwo · 11/01/2025 21:44

I’m a member of a large friend group and when we were younger we would regularly all go clubbing together. Mixture of Males and Females. We’re a bit older now so that has long died out.

There was one night we went out and one of my male friends had a one night stand. He was 25 at the time and I specifically remember the girl as I was chatting to her for ages. I remember her specifically as we got chatting about one of the tattoos on her arm (it was a niche show I like), she had loads of tattoos and she was wearing heavy goth makeup so unforgettable. I remember her telling me she was 21 and worked full time in an office as she said she “made loads of money”. Nothing more came from that one night stand with my friend.

Fast forward to yesterday and we’ve hired a new batch at work and I instantly recognised the girl but couldn’t place my finger on it. I was training her in one department and I spotted the tattoo and it all came back to me. I remembered her name and when I asked her it was definitely the same person. She told me she’d just graduated and was 21. I worked it out and that means she was 16 or 17 when we met her depending on her date of birth, so she must have had a fake ID to get into where we were. I obviously haven’t mentioned to her that I recognise her from that night.

Obviously this means my friend slept with her at the age of 16 when he was 25. Although legal is extremely questionable and I know he wouldn’t have done it if he knew. I told my partner when I got home as he is also friends with the guy and he thinks I need to tell him as he would want to know. I feel like I shouldn’t as what would it achieve apart from making him feel disgusting about herself? Personally I think I should just mind my own business here. We were all there that night, she was in a club and covered in tattoos!

WWYD?

OP posts:
Someadvice · 11/01/2025 22:54

Dear God the bar is low for a lot of you.

TunipTheVegimal24 · 11/01/2025 22:54

I might mention it to my friend, to take the piss out of him. Other than that, I don't see what the issue is?

Fingeronthebutton · 11/01/2025 22:53

WWYD. Absolutely nothing. And, girls of 16 have sex with slightly older men 😱
shocking, isn’t it.

Waterbaby41 · 11/01/2025 22:53

You need to ask yourself why you 'feel sick' about it, what you hope to gain by telling him, and what you will do if he doesn't react how you want him to. Or just keep it yourself - and stop gossiping to your friends.

Chuchoter · 11/01/2025 22:53

How is he a predator if the op herself believed the girl was 21 and probably had fake ID that she could have shown him?

Mydahliasareshit · 11/01/2025 22:52

Cut to the chase here, look her up on ancestry.com and see for yourself exactly what age she is. That then ends your confusion entirely. Anything beyond that then ask yourself if you just want a drama to play out while you feed off another's emotions - who has done nothing illegal.

A chance to learn about yourself and gain wisdom going forward, I'd suggest.

AngelicKaty · 11/01/2025 22:50

KnickerlessParsons · 11/01/2025 22:48

GDPR is an EU regulation and doesn't apply in the U.K.

Er, no, you're wrong. There's EU GDPR and UK GDPR (the latter being a facsimile of the former which the UK took wholesale on to our statute books following Brexit).

burnoutbabe · 11/01/2025 22:50

Slight difference-pleaded guilty but given absolute discharge -Scottish law.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-39305042.amp

Chuchoter · 11/01/2025 22:49

Why in earth would you speak to him about something that happened years ago and has absolutely nothing g to do with you?
Unless you want to be smug and make him feel bad when he did nothing wrong?!

KnickerlessParsons · 11/01/2025 22:48

RichPetunia · 11/01/2025 21:53

I'd be concerned about GDPR and the fact you are disclosing a work colleague's details.

GDPR is an EU regulation and doesn't apply in the U.K.

Rachmorr57 · 11/01/2025 22:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ItFellOffAgain · 11/01/2025 22:47

RichPetunia · 11/01/2025 21:53

I'd be concerned about GDPR and the fact you are disclosing a work colleague's details.

This.
You have no right to discuss who works with you outside of the workplace.

burnoutbabe · 11/01/2025 22:47

A man did get off an underage rape charge as the girl told everyone she was 21 and everyone who saw her believed it. So he was charged but found not guilty even though she was under 16 so legally could not consent.

I'll have to google to find the case.

Changingplace · 11/01/2025 22:44

CallTheCalvery · 11/01/2025 22:29

Bloody hell why are you all condoning this behaviour! This is how men’s lives get ruined. I’ll be teaching my sons to check a girls ID if they’re planning on having a ONS.

Don’t say anything. I think you’ll regret telling your friend too

Checking IDs? Are you for real, don’t be silly.

And even if they did do this, they’d have fake ID to be in the pub/club in the first place.

CashewGal · 11/01/2025 22:41

Goodness, just leave it. If you want to mention you saw your DP's former one night stand just mention that. I suppose you could tell him the girl claims to be 21 now. It doesn't really matter. Would it really be that disgusting anyway? Or must the age difference be within a certain confine? Sounds like based on the attack on someone saying they slept with a 47 year old. On the face of it many might think your DP must have been a predator then too, regardless of how old she said she was.

MajorCarolDanvers · 11/01/2025 22:41

Don’t tell him. There’s really no need.

CallTheCalvery · 11/01/2025 22:39

TimeForTeaAndG · 11/01/2025 22:36

Really? I don't think I ever asked anyone's ages in clubs before I slept with them. Mental ticklist - they're in the club therefore they are at least 18 cos that's for the bouncers to worry about. I am also over 18. Do I fancy them. Yes. Job's a good'un.

Genuine question what do you talk about? I’ve had lots of one nightstands from clubs. General convo usually goes name, age, work.

burnoutbabe · 11/01/2025 22:39

You saw the lady at the time and didn't think she was 16? So clearly she didn't look to anyone (partner you or bouncers) like a younger person.

So I'd just move on -but I'd probably mention the person turning up at your work as that's someone you would mention normally to your partner.

HorrorFan81 · 11/01/2025 22:39

Jesus don't tell him. She was over the age of consent and it was years ago. Not sure why you feel sick to your stomach he had no idea. And doesn't need to know

Findmethesmallestviolin · 11/01/2025 22:39

Maybe she’s lying now wanting to get on a grad scheme she’s a little old for - you just don’t know. Why would she mention how old she was in the workplace anyway?

user1471453601 · 11/01/2025 22:37

What would you or your husband hope to achieve by telling your friend?

He cannot change what happened and,unless it's a pattern of fucking very young girls ( and that you know and don't approve for good reason), all it would seem to achieve is to make your friend very uncomfortable,

TimeForTeaAndG · 11/01/2025 22:36

Lara1978o · 11/01/2025 22:26

She said she was 21 not 18. She was 16 and still legally a child.

There’s a big difference between 18 and 21. At 25 none of my friends would have gone for an 18 year old in a club.

Really? I don't think I ever asked anyone's ages in clubs before I slept with them. Mental ticklist - they're in the club therefore they are at least 18 cos that's for the bouncers to worry about. I am also over 18. Do I fancy them. Yes. Job's a good'un.

CallTheCalvery · 11/01/2025 22:36

Lyannaa · 11/01/2025 22:32

There’s not nearly enough information for us to be able to infer that.

We don’t need anymore.

Teanbiscuits33 · 11/01/2025 22:35

Lyannaa · 11/01/2025 22:32

There’s not nearly enough information for us to be able to infer that.

I think that poster was referring to a pp’s story of a 47 year old taking her virginity at 18, not OPs partner.

Ariellaxo · 11/01/2025 22:33

No! Why are you even thinking to mention this. He obviously thought she was a lot older.
Imagine if this was your son.