Mental mum frenemy causing stress

Sounds like this woman is doing her best to be friendly and is being bullied by you and your group.

I don't think any of you behaved well. Her child mightnt be great but if you've concerns tell her. If you don't want to go to things she's organised saying no defo is an option.

But it sounds like she's trying and you're being just civil enough to hear her rants on her struggles and then taking it back to your group.

Be kind to her, either by extending and olive branch or being honest as respectfully as you can.

This is perfect.

Good idea! Punish a mum for her child’s behaviour 😡

I think it's fine you all went without her. This will happen again and again and again until she gets her child under control.

Maybe try treating people with a bit more respect. Nasty thing you.

There's an Austrian painter (who didn't make it to Fine Arts Academy) on a school run. He wants to take our children on a day out. I'm too nice to say no

Maybe he will get them some new boots and a smart haircut whilst he has them.

she insisted on taking my son and a few others to the holiday camp and taking them for lunch / dinner after. We tried to decline but it wasn’t an option

That's the wettest thing I've ever heard
Do you hand over your children to anyone who insists? Wtf

I feel sorry for her. She made friends with you and did lots to develop the acquaintanceship into a friendship. Then you get a better offer and dump her. How would you feel? Pretty upset, like she obviously is.
If you're not keen on what her child gets up to, just make sure you're there to keep an eye on things.
Mean girls alert.

It all sounds a bit Mean Girls if I'm honest OP. You've cut this woman out of the friendship group because sometimes your kids don't get on. That's kinda mean.

How old is this boy that is so "manipulative"? There's a bit difference between, say, a 6 year old and a 15 year old.

I think I'd just send her one polite message and stop thinking about it.

"Hi Woman,
Sorry for not making things clear about the lifts etc. It's just that "my child" has complained quite a few times to me about things that "your child" has said and done. I understand that kids are kids, and they're probably equally to blame. But I think it's best if we dial back on their interactions as much as possible and just let them see each other at "club" without doing the other social stuff like meals out and lifts. Thanks for understanding. OP"

So basically kids being kids then...? Yet you've branded her son (whose age you haven't mentioned) as "manipulative" and excluded her?

You’re a nasty piece of work. Implying you’re concerned about her becoming a stalker with absolutely nothing to back it up. This is the classic nasty teenage girl treatment, making things up to inflate your story and make more people be goady to the victim.

And make no mistake, that’s what she is - your victim of bullying.

Hopefully she finds other kind and helpful friends. Hopefully your child is never excluded by parents for ‘crimes’ such as not sharing and having access to the internet. Personally, as a parent, I’d have had more concerns about my child being around you at that age, I would have been so concerned about him picking us such negative, nasty attitudes to people being so clearly displayed and normalised by a group of MOTHERS.

I don't think BlackSwan phrased this very kindly but I can see how its baffling to some of us, I just do not have the time for this amount of interaction with other families.

Isn't your title name calling - " mental" really? Grow up.

It was the Art school rejections wot did it

So what I've read is you were all happy for her to play babysitter (no option to say no my arse) until she got above her station and wanted to be part of the group. She clearly thought she was in with the group, when you all let her take the children om playdates ffs.

You use words like mental and frenemy and worry about her stalking you and yet you let her take your child unsupervised!

Have you lost your fucking mind?

You're not a nice person. You're a coward.
You're following the crowd and allowing yourself to be part of this high school cliquey bullshit. Grow up and just tell her you don't want to be her friend and you don't need her to do pick ups and drop offs.

Oh dear. OP - AIBU. Consensus - yes. OP - No I'm not!

You're definitely part of the mean girls here

Aye, Adolf was a tad dodgy 😂

I love how you came to ask for opinions, got a ton you don't like then doubled down.

Try reading your responses back but imagine it's about one of your DCs in the future to help you with a bit of compassion for this person.

We get it. She's not your 'type' of person. But you have handled this poorly. Maybe she is all these things you have described her as. But maybe she's a mum struggling to find her people and desperate her kid isn't ostracised. Some people when they feel they're being rejected try to overcompensate, especially if they don't know why.

School gate politics can be really mean, and take people right back to school bully territory. Just pause a bit and do some reflecting if you could have handled this better.

Jesus he sounds dodgy.. who knows what the art school rejection has done to his psyche.. stay away. Just say No!

The title is inappropriate for the topic—a bunch of pretentious mothers who struggle to say 'no' to invitations. Heaven forbid it to be so precious.

I agree. Some children are naturally more vocal, lively and inattentive than others. That's life. In a few years he wll be quite different.

OP this is a difficult situation. I have been placed in a similar situation by another parent who was very pushy about "helping" me. I never asked, wanted or needed help. She seem to have it in her head that I did need help both practically and via martial things (we are not struggling financially at all and are lucky that we have a good lifestyle).

I actually have 3 kids (one with significant additional needs) and her focus was on 1 child. It started out nice enough but then started to feel suffocating and like my child was being restricted from other friends. Her child didn't like my child having other friends and wouldn't let him learn at an after school class they attended together.

Her child was also booked into another activity purely because my child was there which I found odd but accepted. It all came to a head when she accused my son of "ignoring" her son at an after school activity. I pulled my son back totally at this point from her child because this activity is one my son was attending to learn focus, discipline and is very instructor led and not a sit about chat one. She couldn't accept my reply that my son was trying to learn and was not ignoring hers and her replies were strange and almost seemed she thought my marriage was in trouble 🤔.

She only ever saw other kids reaction to her child not his behaviour that instigated that reaction.

The pushy behaviour can come across nice to begin with but crosses a boundary which is where you sit back and think no normally.

Personally I think it must have been hard to be left out of that group meal but that is part of life. That bit does come across a bit mean. However I have been left out because of my additional needs child and I never messaged the parents. If they don't want to include me and my child fine. We move on and don't make a deal out of it because they were never my friends to start with it they can treat me like that.

Just be careful here that you are not deliberately excluding her because you think your children are better behaved. I have seen that happen to and it hugely backfire because the kids the parents were convinced we're "well behaved" were actually the source of all the bullying and issues in the primary school eventually. Most of this was driven by parents getting together and sharing stories about how badly behaved x or Y child was and believing everything there "perfect" kids told them.

Mental mum
Frenemy
Social 'queues'

You & your mum friends sound like absolute darlings.

That sounds extremely sensible and workable, TwentySeconds.

I didn't get involved with other parents at the school entrance, hated the groups and the gossip. Thankfully there was no whatsapp in those days. I knew a couple, one of whom I am still quite friendly with, was happy to entertain other children and for my son to be entertained sometimes but there was no deep involvement. I had my own friends and I went to work which was far more interesting than any of this.

These parents don't have enough to do. I've no doubt they would disagree vehemently with that but it's obvious to me.