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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so fed up that the only way to get a good education seems to be privately?

456 replies

Greensha · 11/01/2025 20:25

I’m uk based. I live in a reasonably nice area but the schools are rubbish. We’ve looked further afield and they’re all pretty similar. I don’t know if my expectations are off but the classes are huge, like 30 kids in one room (I thought 25 was the max!). The buildings scruffy. One had a lovely lunch room and nice outside space but the rest of the school was falling down. There’s absolutely no way we can afford private and the one local to us is worlds apart to these state schools. I am trying to remind myself that a lot of that is superficial, the teaching is the same in both sectors as the teachers are the same and I know my dc will leave school with a proper and ‘real’ understanding of life. I can’t help but feel my kids are at a disadvantage overall though and it upsets me. Why should some kids get small classes, loads of sport opportunities and nice clean and tidy environments when others don’t. Doesn’t seem right or fair.

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 11/01/2025 20:33

Did you go to school in the UK? Are you looking for your 4yo? When I was at primary, the classes were often over 30. My brother had a class of 37 at one point! 30 seems a lot but there are some bonuses in terms of more children to make friends with. My kids are both thriving in the state sector. There are sadly lots of kids who struggle with school, as it is hard for those who don't fit into the standard approach, but for many school is great. I don't think kids are less aware of the differences in things like buildings and grounds.

dammit88 · 11/01/2025 20:33

Im against private schooling, however your argument is seriously flawed. You say you live in a nice area - why is it fair that you live in a nice area and other children don't? Life is unfair. Some people have opportunities others don't. It's just the way it is.

Only2WeeksToGo · 11/01/2025 20:33

FWIW my state educated kids might not have had the sports facilities or sports opportunities at school, nor the small classes or most up to date facilities but they did have the most fantastic teachers, diverse and interesting peer groups and a brilliant community. And they are doing just as well if not better than their privately educated cousins and friends. State schools are struggling obviously, but to write them all off is nonsense.

Original poster
Greensha · 11/01/2025 20:31

TheWonderhorse · 11/01/2025 20:29

I wouldn't put my children in private school if I was a millionaire, but it's not about the building, it's about the staff. Talk to them and get a feel for the atmosphere. You may well find a gem.

Show quote history

@TheWonderhorse thanks. We are going to look at two more. I know I need to be more positive im just sad my dc will never have the opportunities that others have in education

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 11/01/2025 20:31

I know LOADS of people who had state educations, went on to excellent universities, and have succeeded in a wide range of areas.

Parental influence and expectation is probably the big st factor, IMO.

TheWonderhorse · 11/01/2025 20:29

Greensha · 11/01/2025 20:25

I’m uk based. I live in a reasonably nice area but the schools are rubbish. We’ve looked further afield and they’re all pretty similar. I don’t know if my expectations are off but the classes are huge, like 30 kids in one room (I thought 25 was the max!). The buildings scruffy. One had a lovely lunch room and nice outside space but the rest of the school was falling down. There’s absolutely no way we can afford private and the one local to us is worlds apart to these state schools. I am trying to remind myself that a lot of that is superficial, the teaching is the same in both sectors as the teachers are the same and I know my dc will leave school with a proper and ‘real’ understanding of life. I can’t help but feel my kids are at a disadvantage overall though and it upsets me. Why should some kids get small classes, loads of sport opportunities and nice clean and tidy environments when others don’t. Doesn’t seem right or fair.

I wouldn't put my children in private school if I was a millionaire, but it's not about the building, it's about the staff. Talk to them and get a feel for the atmosphere. You may well find a gem.