To feel so fed up that the only way to get a good education seems to be privately?

There isn’t a lack of bullying though. Bullying goes on everywhere you get a group of people.
One of the main differences for a successful private/Independent is if they find someone is a problem it is easier to ‘ask them to leave’.
My university boyfriend was bullied horribly at a very successful boarding school in Devon.

We get a number of students joining us from private each year (lots of local privates don’t have sixth form). They are no nicer/more intelligent than the students who’ve always been with us.

They are richer though.

There will be drugs issues in all schools at some point (or rather students who take drugs - dealing/taking may not happen in school). I would be more concerned about schools claiming not to have an issue. Or an issue with bullying.
What’s more important is what they do about it?

Don’t be seduced by fancy facilities! Education is a lot more than that. My school is scruffy. And we are one of the top performing schools in the country.
State school classes have never been a maximum of 25.

I don't think private education is an outright guarantee of quality but it is a way to ensure your kid won't end up at the sort of place where pupils being in knives etc. That said, I found that most private schools push you towards uni and I personally regret going - I'm much happier working in the construction sector and resent the huge student debt I acquired for nothing. And trades generally command a higher salary than graduate jobs unless you're very senior management or in a niche job.

The primary options are more straightforward, thank goodness. All are decent, some outstanding. Some have to deal (and do a good job) with a range of social issues as we live in a socially mixed area with pockets of deprivation. Others are very uniform in terms of their intake. There are also a couple of prep schools but none are the "leafy, extensive grounds, swimming pool" type due to the space constraints of being in an urban area.

Yes I agree about it being variable. We've been to a two state, one private and one international school and toured a fair few others due to moves and there seems to be no standard, with the state mayne ita thw head or the local authority or the area, I am not sure but it does seem to vary a lot from school to school and your experience is different again. And with private we have seen a huge variation in facilities, support staff and teaching. I think best to tour a school and find what you think is best for the particular child, jf you have an option of course. Some areas are limited in choice too sadly. We also have some tiny state primarys near by with tiny classes and they mix year groups as pupil numbers are so low and some huge onea with 4 classes per year.

I wouldn’t choose private for the academics. I would,and did, choose it for the environment. Not the buildings or the facilities, but how much easier it is to notice and support every child when there are enough staff and resources to go round.

I had a rough time at a not-great comp as an academic and eccentric kid. The battered self-esteem from years of unaddressed bullying went with me into my adult life. I did very well academically.

These threads are always full of posters tripping over themselves to talk about their children’s terribly diverse friendship groups and how they can communicate with everyone and truly empathise with the experiences of those beneath the poverty line because they go to a state school. Something about the way it’s always phrased makes me really uncomfortable. Like they’re on an outreach project.

I have a child at private school. I talk to him about stuff, ask him what he thinks and offer him different viewpoints to consider. I question his opinions and encourage him to question ours and those of his peers. I try and give him access to a wide range of experiences and listen to what he thinks about them before I share what I think. I’m trying to teach him to be someone who thinks, and listens to what other people think. In my opinion that’s much more likely to make him into a decent, empathetic adult who isn’t a dick to people who grew up in a different environment.

Assuming your child is going to be socially aware and a force for good solely because they went to school with kids from the rough bit of town is bold.

So this will be variable. In our state school we had 31 in a class, 1 teacher and a part time TA. No literacy support, and the school senco was part time, no other specialist teaching.

in our private school we have 10 per class, 1 teacher, 1 part time TA, a literacy specialist as needed (modest additional fee), full time senco for school, specialist teachers in art, PE, forest school, music and mfl. It isn’t a particularly large school either - less than 150 in the junior school.

i think some state schools seem to have figured out funding better than others, and some private schools provide more than others.

My kids have been in both private and state. It is really more about the teachers than anything else. I think the class sizes are the main difference but in state there are multiple other support staff that you don't get in private. There are 4 teachers in my childs state primary class, separate phonics teacher and reading support teacher, pastoral and wellbeing staff. In secondary there are multiple other types of support staff. You don't get that level of support in the small private schools, in the big ones if you need additional support it comes at a hefty fee. The sports facilities really vary based on the school, we have some amazing state schools near us with extensive grounds and huge new facilities for sports, drama, science etc. Some private schools are in tiny old buildings, some of the larger ones have great facilities but also there can be a horrible culture. I grew up with kids from private and state mixed in an area, we all knew each other and the outcomes are so varied, you can't tell who went to private and who didn't based on our current life situations and successes. Plus you have all the tradies now earning more than most office workers. __

If anyone is open to the idea of private education, most do bursaries (some still do full) for children whose parents can't afford it. Do ask and see if the local options really are dire, it's what the bursaries are for.

we chose our school for very similar reasons. Lack of SATS and the teach to the test mentality was a big draw. We found that the private school progressed more slowly in early years, so would have been behind state schools in phonics or maths, but by y6 are tracking slightly ahead so ultimately get to the same point in core competencies. More time spent on art, sport, stem, special topic, music, etc. One of mine was a slow reader and in state was pulled out of all the fun stuff to do interventions because their school targets demanded children be at a certain place at a certain time learning wise. Absolutely soul destroying for a 5yo. At private they were allowed to progress at their own pace and are now tracking ahead of age expectations. I think the way we measure performance in state schools sometimes undermines the ultimate aim of education.

Your experience will depend on your school, your child and your child’s class cohort. If you have access to a good school, a NT and academically capable child and a class group that is well supported at home and suitable for mainstream education then you will be fine.

if one or more of those things goes wrong your experience will be very different. We chose a very well regarded state school, but emerging ND made it a very poor fit. A friend had okay experiences with one child, but second child was in a cohort where 1/3 of children had send significant enough to require 1:1 provision and a very chaotic classroom as a result.

state education is great when it works, but teacher shortages, rising levels of unsupported send, behavioural issues, etc. all contribute to making good experiences less common than they once might have been.

Possibly a weird reason for us to pick private and that was because the school we picked isn't as focused on academics.

The local schools to us are very poor. We could move but I need to be close to my parents so picked private but oddly what I liked is that it focuses just as much on extra curricula's and outside learning as much as maths and English. It suits my DS well. Neither me or his dad are academic and seeing as DS won't even have to do SATS that's why we chose it.

My best mate is a teacher, and thinks similarly. She also thinks London schools get a lot of extra funding, and that the problem is different in London compared to elsewhere, though.

Take a look at the teacher boards - many many on the front line who claim otherwise. It is great that your children’s school isn’t noticeably affected, but there’s a fairly sizeable consensus that the state education sector is under stress and that the experience has declined over the past 5 years.

My older son's just left a state comprehensive, and gone to Cambridge, and my younger son's going there next year. It's very good indeed, and hasn't changed for the worse.

I think it depends on both the school and the child. Some children are more influenced by their peers. Some state schools are fantastic, others aren't.
Both my sons went to a private primary, and DS1 then went to a local state comprehensive, which gave him a very good secondary education, and certainly didn't have low expectations either of him or the children in general. He got mostly 9s at GCSE and all A* at A level. DS2 is going to the same comprehensive next year.

If you can afford it, you can also access tutors, clubs, activities etc outside school to make up for any particular areas you think are lacking.

As a teacher, I’d have to say what I’ve said a million times to kids moaning “s’not fair Miss!”.

Life’s not fair. Just get on and do your best.

Just to add to that the catholic school lacks the technology and the new buildings of the surrounding schools as it happily spends money on older teachers as well as younger ones! No classes bigger than 28

Are you looking at primary? I would look ahead to secondary too so that you have all the options. Whether you are for or against faith schools the best school in my area by miles is the catholic one - you would need to be in a catholic primary to guarantee a place.

I think a number of the posters commenting about how well their children achieved will not realise how much things have changed for the worse in recent years.

Schools are great in Northern Ireland

Well I guess some would say you’re privileged to live in a nice area…

I went to private school (a very academic girls one) but my kids go to state school. I'm really impressed by the state school so far; it seems to have instilled a real passion for learning in my kids and the teachers have been absolutely wonderful. We are in London and the school is rated outstanding (and recently too) so I guess that helps. I visited a local private school (with a good reputation and part of the group that my own school is in) but wasn't really impressed. Taught Mandarin and gave all the kids their own laptop which seemed unnecessary at a young age, whilst the building/ facilities weren't that impressive and was shabby in places. I don't feel like I'm short changing my kids with state, at all. The only thing I would change would be to have smaller class sizes, but all the classes have a TA as well as a teacher so it's better than many places.

If your children are NT and well supported at home they are likely to do perfectly well in a decent state school.

I would much rather my DS was in a state school because we wouldn't be living with financial uncertainty, wouldn't be demonised by the government and wouldn't be despised by much of the country as we so clearly are.

However, DS has needs that simply wouldn't be met in our village school. I know this because I visit our village school regularly, professionally. No one will convince me that most state schools are the right places for children like mine (extremely able with social, emotional and sensory needs).

We have opted to do our very best to meet our child's needs by opting for a small independent school with small class sizes and a low arousal, calm environment. I couldn't give two hoots about his grades as long as he continues to love learning, feel accepted for who he is and retains the high self esteem he has now. My aim in life is to get him through his education with his mental health intact. I'd have been very happy to send him to a state school if that would have worked for him.

I'm with you OP. My local schools are supposedly good but my dd really struggled, the teachers told me not to worry then her SATs came back bad when I raised this with the teacher that clearly she is struggling I was just told she's achieving well for the school and they need to focus the help for the kids doing worse there would be no help for my dd. I had to pay for private tutor and spend a lot of time teaching her myself after school and at weekends and it became clear she was learning very little at school. She was really anxious and upset from the behaviours of the other children is was detrimental to her mental health. There were basically no positives from her attending school. I pulled her out and now home educate and she's doing amazingly again. We are in a grammar school county so we are focused on her passing the 11+ and she can return to school then hopefully with better student behaviour so the teachers have time to teach.

I think a lot of people base their opinion on how school was when they attended but in the last few years it's becoming worse and worse and general public are not fully aware of it. I lurked on the education board for a good while and reading comments from actual teachers really confirmed to me schools are in a bad way. Within our local home education community there is a vast amount of send or anxious children failed by school but also a very telling number of the parents are teachers and decided state school is not good for children