To feel so fed up that the only way to get a good education seems to be privately?

To say the only way to get a good education is privately is rather an ignorant and snobby comment to make, as well as it being utterly untrue. There are good and bad private and state schools and I know many poor teachers who have moved in to Private Education because they couldn't hack state. There are plenty of state school teachers doing an incredible job and they are under a tremendous amount of scrutiny. There are fantastic state schools out there getting brilliant results and I firmly believe that when parents are supportive and engaged, then they are the biggest precursor to success for the children. My children are doing brilliantly in state schools and achieving incredibly well and, ironically, they will have a better chance of getting into certain universities who are targeting high achieving state school children to redress the disparity of places going to privately educated students from prestigious private schools.
Bright children who want to do well, will do well regardless, as long as the school is a good school and with the pressure put on schools by ofsted- most schools are good or better. Incidentally, the school my older children go to is badly in need of knocking down and rebuilding. It has zero impact on their achievement. They have clear and consistent policies and this means teaching is excellent and procedures are clear and adhered to. Individual schools need to be judged on merit and there is no blanket rules about which are better. It's utterly untrue. Teaching is the key factor in school and it is other factors that benefit in private like peers, resources and engaged parents. Any child exposed to those things will succeed regardless of their setting. There are badly behaved kids in all settings and just because they are there does not mean they will impact all individuals.
What I will say is that state schools are under tremendous pressure and something does need to change drastically in that regard- especially with regard to recruitment and retention. But the assertion that private is better or the only way to get a good education is utterly false and insulting to all the schools and staff in state doing an incredible job.

The grammar local to wear I grew up had two students who were caught in an armed robbery of a post office (I was in second year at uni - the gossip made it quickly to us).
In my girls’ grammar there was a physically violent student that was allowed to get away with all manner of things.
Drugs were rife from Year 9 upwards.
When I was there as a teen, I myself was a self-harmer. I carried a knife around school in my bag (I regret now but only ever intended harm to myself).
Parental support is also not a given in supposedly ‘nice’ schools

In short, look at schools yourself, don’t get seduced by fancy facilities and think about what the best thing is for your individual child.

I had a good education at a state school in an inner city area. I work alongside people who were privately educated, including public schools. And by that I mean doing the same job. I think parental involvement and investment has a huge part to play.

I have two at state and one at private. They both have ther advantages and disadvantages.

We have two decent state schools here which are a literal lottery to get in, not done on catchment or entrance exam. The rest are woeful. None of mine got in on the random allocation at the good schools, also not fair but also life. At the end of the day you say you can't afford private so I wouldn't waste too much time thinking about it.

I wouldn't be surprised about them being selective but I'm not suggesting that there aren't behaviour issues etc in grammars, just that there can be fewer (or maybe less extreme?). Happy to be corrected on that.

You’d be surprised…

Most of the country doesn't have grammars though and as they are selective then they filter out the worst behaviour/parents not valuing education etc.

All my DC went to state grammars. All have received a great education.

That’s a remarkably good student teacher ratio for GCSE. What area of the country are you in, county wise?

Yes, the cohort is make or break - heavy skew towards one sex or one type of student, be that SEN or sporty or academic or whatever, plus parent attitudes, can totally change a child’s experience of school and there is no real way to do much about that. Pure luck.

I can only go on what I see and what my DS tells me. I know he isn't being bullied, and liking maths is not a 'crime' at his current school. He is happy and engaged.

I know that phones, smoking and vaping are not tolerated on site and involve confiscation/suspension/parents being called in. Drugs results in being expelled. Policies are adhered to.

Parents are mostly not rich. We have a lot of forces children, local farming families, there's only one trophy car.

I don't doubt there are issues in other schools.

Its accurate for the area I want to move to and the area I live in now. I can’t talk for entire regions.

Kids at Private school do usually have been resources and a standard of teaching State schools don't but I don't see what additional oppportunities they have

What opportunities? It’s a national curriculum? I think you have talked yourself into believing private is automatically better.

We have three private schools in my town. They are run down, with small outdoor space and overall not large schools. What does that mean? Sports are limited because of the number of kids and outdoor space. Classes are 15 max but are full of children who couldn’t get on in mainstream school and have learning difficulties, autism etc. This of course isn’t a problem but the classes cater for these children and I have many friends who feel their non ND children struggle in this environment.

Yes you have to find a great state school and we have one - new theatre, gym studio, Astro pitch, huge outdoor space, 100’s of clubs and teams and classes in GCSE’s are about 15. I know this isn’t everyone’s experience and for reference I have been to both state and private but I would never ever send my kids to private (and we can).

Please stop with the private is better when it isn’t always.

Why should some kids get things others don't?

money buys privileges as with anything in life, don't be silly!

Why should some people drive a Fiat and some a Porsche?
Some people have more money than others, simple as that.
BUT I do agree that all children should have the right to a decent education in a safe and pleasant environment.
However, it isn't the case at the moment and sticking VAT on Private school fees won't change that.
All you can do if you don't have access to a good State school and can't afford Private is to support your child at home, with tutors if necessary.

My dcs' school is scruffy and they had to finish early for Christmas because they hadn't had heating or hot water for weeks.
My dd is always complaining about the mouldy ceilings and stuff like that, my ds doesn't notice I don't think.

There are a lot of troubled kids and bad behaviour and disruption. In my dd's year it is overcrowded with nearly 40 kids in some classes.
There are a lot of kids doing really well though and doing amazing things so I think it all depends on what you put in and support from parents.

If I won the lottery I would send my dd to a private school though. She is very sporty and the private school near us has such superior facilities and coaching and links to professional clubs.
My ds I'm not sure about. I think he would be happier and do well staying at his school. He's on a really nice class and has good friends. It doesn't matter because it's just a dream anyway 😆

Wasn’t this all getting fixed by the governments great plan to tax them? Don’t worry OP, it’ll all be fine in a year.

Exactly. We moved to an area that had one of the top secondary schools in our region, but over the past 3 years there has been a mass exodus of teaching staff and both formal ofsted as well as informal parent feedback is dire. We haven’t started secondary yet, so in theory could move again (at great expense) but how would I have any confidence that this would assure dc a good education?

and yes we can do all the stuff outside of school, but there’s no getting around the fact that the majority of their learning time happens inside the school.

Of course we hold standards to account. No one is disputing that. Good quality provision should be the bare minimum. I do think we are lucky though. You can pay for it or you can be on benefits but we all have a right to an education in the UK that other children in developing nations around the world aren't as lucky to have.

Well yes. So? But we have to at least try, aim high? Else what's the alternative, do nothing and not bother at all? Come on!

Yes, I chose to live somewhere with good schools, generally, and yes they are stable, and haven't declined nor increased much. Not all have that I know.

We all have choices. (I chose to work part time for many years, now I do 4 days, and I am not a high earner, just so as you know! ). Op has choices over the next 18 years re her children.

Of course we hold standards to account. That's a given. Good quality provision is a must. That why the inspection process exists (though there are many problems within this & teachers workload that I won't go into here). Education is a privilege when children in developing worlds don't have access to it. It is a right and we should all have access to it. Unfortunately we live in a very unfair world and we are lucky enough to be able to be able to go to school and have the opportunities to learn. We all want the best for our kids but I also think we also have to appreciate how lucky we are especially with things that are happening in the world right now.

Schools change. Catchments change. You can't plan on Secondary schools before a child is born.

And moving for Secondary isn't that easy either, having to uproot the children.

Naive?
No, I don't think so. Admittedly we don't know much about op, as she hasn't yet told us.

But let's just speculate. Go with me on this?

Does op herself work? at all , part time? The main breadwinner? does her husband work?

Have they ever moved house? Can they again? As part of their next 5 year plan?

Have they ever moved into this area? Presumably they have because they didn't grow up here so there's nothing stopping them from moving again. How old are our kids? Are they primary, as other posters said things change over the years and a school can get better or can actually get worse.

Loads of Mumsnetters change jobs or take a promotion or study more go to open university and change careers, completely. there's nothing stopping op whatever job she does doing something else in the next five years, studying online getting something else, getting a higher paid job, moving to another area with better schools.

there's nothing stopping her (depending on her husband and where they live) moving to a a different county, applying grammar or better schools.

or even if the school is semi reasonable She could invest in her child. She could do online learning. She could push them, encourage them, she don't even need to pay for a tutor if you have the time energy and expertise you could practically look it up and tutor your own child to make sure they got decent GCSEs.

Admittedly I'm teasing here. My dc didn't go to grammar, I didn't get tutors. but I'm just saying she doesn't even need to necessarily move to a better school.

as long as the schools around her are semi reasonable, a bright child with invested parents will thrive.

What's to stop her dc getting very good GCSE results , good A-level results and going to after university? absolutely nothing, or rather hopefully, not a lot.

Private schools get discussed a lot on this site. Reality is only 7% of children go to private schools. You can't seriously believe only 7% of children are successful 🙂

Make them do their homework and make them practice reading every day and they will easily be very smart children. Trust me daily reading practice is sooooo much more important than what school they go to (at primary level ) but by secondary they will be put in sets so if you've been making them read every day they'll probably be in the higher sets with other kids focused on their school work