Feeling a little uneasy after todays event

Youre lucky you were able to ignore her. I'm having to social with my SIL who we also haven't spoke to in 5 years but unfortunately won't have the chance to avoid.

You can't really say hello to someone if they don't make eye contact. You'd sort of have to shout 'Oh hello Laura' and it would sound like you were being snarky.

It's fine. You spoke to her husband and she was horrible about your child.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe
In fact, I've just read in OP's 18:46 post: "At the time I did speak to her and she gaslight me and said she never said that" so OP did call out her SIL at the time.

"That's just how she is"

What, someone who makes nasty comments about her niece/nephew?

And their father thinks you should play nice with her?

So he agrees with what she said???

I think you were right not to speak to someone who actively ignored your children.

I have a sibling who treated another (vulnerable) sibling in a really cruel manner. I raised it. Been blanked ever since. Sibling's DP has been served in a local shop by one of my DC twice recently, and gets blanked as well.

Shitting on me is one thing. Shitting on my children I will not have.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

"Your sister in law said something about your child and you didn't take that up with her? Why do you need your husband to say something when you didn't bother either? He 'kept the peace' because you did. A civil but definite retort would have sorted this out."

OP wrote in her OP: "Haven’t spoken to sil for over 5 years since she made nasty comments about my child. She’s always been like this but I’ve tried to be the bigger person but I wasn’t putting up with it once it involved my child." The fact that they actively fell out at this point suggests OP did say something to SIL (but maybe it wasn't "civil"? 😂)

On top of the original issue she then ignored your kids, no way I'd have tried to make amends. She's obviously not sorry and won't change.

Does your DH like his sister more than his children? 😶

Sorry, just seen this - I've now voted YANBU. 😂

@iCantStoppp I haven't voted because I don't know what you've classed as YABU and YANBU (your original post doesn't say) and I don't want to skew your result (although it's possible other people have).
I would have done exactly as you did - no need to second-guess yourself. SIL came to your table and acknowledged everyone but you and your DC so it was her behaviour that dictated the tone of the meeting. Even if she'd given you a cool "hello", you could have responded in kind (or whatever manner you chose) but she blanked you. She was ignorant and encouraged no interaction whatsoever and your DH needs to understand this.
Question: if SIL was unkind about your children (the genesis of your falling out) and your DH was there to witness it, why doesn't he speak up for you? I'd be livid about him not backing me up that SIL did use certain words.

I agree. Surely your DH was upset when his sister said something awful about your child?

I wouldn’t have spoken to her first . If she’d spoken to me I would have been civil but she didn’t , which indicates she’s not interested in a relationship with you
Don’t give it another thought . Sounds like you’re better off without her in your life . If DH feels so strongly about it then maybe he should speak to his DS .

Yanbu

I would have done as you did. If she makes no effort I wouldnt

I would also be telling my husband to stop feeling glum about it. He should be defending you as his family to his sister and if he’s not prepared to do that it’s his issue not yours

It’s impossible to say. It all depends on what she said and why.

She could have said something hideously racist or ableist, or something like that, in which case YANBU and have a DH problem.

She could have said something thoughtless but minor that is more of a misunderstanding that has been blown out of proportion by one or both of you. I In which case, depending on who has refused to get off their high horse, either or both of you could be BU.

Or she may have said something justifiable about some unacceptable behaviour and you are the problem.

She hugged everyone on the table apart from you and your children. YANBU here. She ignored her nieces/nephews, and very blatantly by coming to the table you were all sat on. Even if the children weren't there I would say it's not all on you to be the one to open up a conversation but ignoring the children just makes it a lot worse.

What sort of aunty ignores her niece/ nephew! So horrible the kids have done nothing !
I would have been the bigger person and greeted her in front of the kids to role model good behaviour but then kept my distance

what did she say about your kids ???

She approached the table, it was up to her to say something. Does your DH still have contact with her?

I would try and forget about it now and have a nice evening. You can’t do anything about it, you spoke civilly to her husband and you prob won’t see her again for a while. Next time she’s around you can choose to behave differently if you want to - but there’s nothing you can do now.
Try not to waste a precious Sat night by worrying about something you can’t change x

I wouldn’t bother with her. If you can go 5 years without speaking, wouldn’t worry about it now.
In that 5 years, has your husband seen and spoke to her? Does he go and visit without you? Or has he not spoken to her either?

I think today if she’d come and said hi to you and tried to be friendly/civil and you’d ignored her, that could be more of a problem as it could be seen that she was trying to send an olive branch and you rejected, but the fact she didn’t bother with you/totally ignored you when she came to your table says to me it’s fine to just leave it there.

If she approached your table to say hello she should have put out the olive branch and said hello first

If sil is a genuine asshole who was nasty about your children then you have a husband problem. Don’t speak to someone who was nasty to you about your kids. Why would you? To keep the peace? Who’s peace? It’s certainly not your peace. If your partner isn’t disgusted by her behaviour if she was nasty towards your children then that’s very problematic. She wasn’t interested in keeping the peace when she was an arse so that was her choice.