My partner not wanting my mum to see my new baby

Not when she is being so cruel and unreasonable.

Calm down!!! The FATHER has a say as-well! BOTH are the child’s parents

Well I hope the same gets done to you. It's brutally cruel.

People keep repeating this as if being pregnant and giving birth gives the mother some kind of superiority and right to be a complete arsehole. It doesn't. People give birth all the time and behave civilly. I did.

No, I don't need to 'calm down' 'dear', and if you are suggesting the man take the baby and go to his mothers, ripping baby from the breastfeeding mother's breast is exactly what you are suggesting!!

Your MIL probably wasn’t a nightmare. It isn’t cruel. It’s the mother’s prerogative. And that’s a hill I’ll die on.

Well bully for you but I couldn't bring myself to exclude my MIL from my children's lives. I just had to manage it as best I could. Fortunately they didn't see her all that often. It never caused them any harm and MIL is long dead.

I'm sure tactless granny could be warned to rein it in.

Funny how so many posters here have perfect people in their lives or cuts them out at the drop of a hat.

So what?! My in-laws met my baby on day 1 as did my own mum. Why is that such a big deal if other people have already visited anyway?

@NiftyKoala OP's partner is the mother who gave birth. OP is the male, the father. And OP's partner, the mother, is the one whose wishes trump her male partner's. She gave birth to his child only 8 days ago!

I’m not patronising you. I cannot fathom knowingly putting a child’s health at the risk for the sake of not hurting someone’s feelings.

His baby is 8 days old. 8 days.

Some of the comments on here tonight. Bloody hell.

Given so many people on here have nightmare MIL - why are so many people leaping to the support of someone that the MOTHER has made clear she wants to wait before having around? And not forever either. A month. While she’s vulnerable, bleeding and breastfeeding?

Anyone suggesting the partner take an 8 day old away from its mother is deranged. “Oh slink them out for a walk in the pram”, “you have a right to…”, “just take them”.

What the hell am I reading.

Why? It's his baby too.

@changecandles The OP is the male, the father.

I only noticed one but it was such a fucking stupid idea, I didn't pay it any heed!

the problem as I see it is that when my partner is confronted with someone she doesn’t like she finds it very difficult to have a relationship of detached civility. She responds in quite extreme ways and tries to block them from her life completely and my mum has been quite hurt and confused by this.

Very risky to have a child with someone like that. If you ever split up, you'll have trouble fighting for contact with your child.

Who the hell does she think she is?!

She is the MOTHER who gave birth to this child 8 days ago!! That is who she is @VegTrug ! As the mother it is her choice when MIL sees the baby! Not the man's.

The word ‘toxic’ is bandied around too much. I feel sorry for the MIL. I have had 3 children, and would NEVER have refused my MIL access. It is cruel.

I disagree with others saying you are not being unreasonable. You say tactless but your mother has clearly been awful enough that your wife can't face being around her. This is not a free for all for people to meet the baby. Your wife is the one who has given birth and this is a vulnerable time for her because she's recovering. She's pushed a whole human out of her body and the wound inside her right now is about the size of a dinner plate. Your baby is also recovering. It's proven in many many child psychology studies that newborns NEED to be near their mother in the early months - baby has only heard their mothers heart beat, breathing and voice throughout pregnancy so your wife is your baby's safe space. It raises baby's cortisol levels to be away from their mum, do you really want to cause stress to a baby to pacify your mother? This time is NOT about your mother's feelings, it's about you advocating for your little immediate family and what your wife is telling you she needs right now. Of course your mother is reaching out now, it's not because she's sorry, it's because she wants access to the baby and your wife KNOWS that. Your wife and baby are your immediate family and your mother is now extended family. Read 'The Lemon Clot Essay' and you may have some idea of what your wife is facing right now. She doesn't need people around her who cause her stress and those who don't like her. I would just tell your mum that you appreciate the fact she's tried to reach out but unfortunately, that doesn't mean her behaviour has to be forgiven so, for the time being, she needs to respect the fact she will have to wait.

As I said, the MIL could come to the house. Fathers should ALSO have a say in what happens to THEIR child

I've responded to around 4 already, and I'm only on page 7!

Exactly! Posters who are telling the man to just up and take the baby away from its mother are batshit fucking crazy!

If I recall correctly, ONE person suggested that!