Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does it sound like my DD is normal for 10 years old?

388 replies

Normal10yoYesorNo · 11/01/2025 16:17

DD is 10, school year 6, will be 11 in 2025 but is the youngest in her year (end of July birthday).

ExH is insisting I baby her and that she’s too old to play with toys. Her school, however, have not raised any concerns from her play - they have a common room area for year 5s and 6s with age appropriate toys etc which DD loves, each class gets an hour a week in this common room (3 form entry school) and they’ve said DD plays fine with other girls (she rarely plays with the boys) and they play in an age appropriate way.

So does this sound normal:

  • Loves baby dolls – dresses them, feeds them, puts them to bed, talks to them while she’s doing it. Hands them to her friends/me/her grandparents/teacher to “look after” and tells us how to do it before going off to play with other toys
  • Also loves barbie dolls – dresses them up, has fashion shows, plays them as baby/dog/whatever sitter, brushes their hair. The children/baby barbies go to School and Guides etc while the adults do “boring” (her words) things like shopping and work
  • Loves card games like Uno and Snap
  • Loves some simpler board games like snakes and ladders
  • Loves Lego – builds houses, zoos, farms and schools but never vehicles or space station or similar (I think we had a church once but it was a one off). Has most of the animal sets and always builds big multi people houses/places then has the animals running wild looking for their owners/keepers, she finds this hilarious and plays it a lot – she doesn’t build particular sets as such but asks for the general boxes or specific ones if they have people/animals in she wants
  • She plays with things together so often the Lego Animals end up being the pets of the barbies etc.
  • Loves Stuffed Animals and has many – she likes to put on shows with these, she sings and leaps about while they watch.
  • Likes craft activities like card making, simple sewing, badge making – she absolutely loves glitter, stickers, glue, sequins etc.
  • Likes baking cakes and bread/pizzas with me
  • Her clothes still have characters like Stitch and Barbie on
  • Her glasses are Crayola with a rainbow pattern on the side
  • Her hearing aids are Blue one side and Pink the other (her choice)
  • Her chosen extra curricular are Guides (Girlguides) and Choir – she could do more than 2 but chooses not to
  • Still believes in Santa (although I plan to tell her the truth in the summer before she goes to secondary school)
  • Starting to get into makeup for parties, discos at school etc. but doesn’t want it for general wear yet

ExH thinks she should be into none character clothes, makeup for the full face and skincare, grownup games like trivial pursuit and monopoly. He hasn’t bought her a single toy since she was about 8 saying she’s way too old. He thinks she should be more interested in her phone and tablet (don’t get me wrong she wants to use them and does but never asks to go on them, she’d rather play – the phone is for walking home from school and the tablet we take to appointments with us). He thinks her glasses need to be upgraded to designer labels so she “fits in” with her friends and her hearing aids should be changed to be less babyish. He thinks her activities should also be more grown up and has suggested Gymnastics and a language Class (She turned her nose up at Gymnastics and says she’s learning French at school so doesn’t want to do anymore yet, her potential secondary school offer French, Spanish, Mandarin and German as Extra Curriculars so she can always pick them up there – I am happy to pay for these if school ask me to)

For Christmas he bought her a TV for her room there and a playstation 5 with a couple of age 12 games as she’s “too old for toys now” which she says she isn’t really bothered by and wants to spend more time with me so she can play. When asked why age 12 games he said anything for age 7 up and younger seemed “babyish”.

For Christmas I got her some barbies, a bit more Lego (she has loads of the stuff), a few soft toys (including a dancing stitch thing that she would take absolutely everywhere with her if given the chance) and some clothes.

ExH thinks he ideal day out should be a grown up 12 or 15 movie followed by a meal at an Indian restaurant. Whereas I took her to the circus and out for pizza after during October Half Term and she still acts out her favourite bits of the circus with her toys now.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a fussy eater at all, eats most things but she will reject an entire meal still if she so much as sniffs the foods she doesn’t like and spicy is one of her things she doesn't like (anything spicy, even a tiny bit of onion can be too spicy). She also is very grown up in other areas. She very quickly mastered tying her school tie, always check she has her pin badges for school and guides on her uniform (and with guides makes sure they're in the correct place and can move them herself if they're not), sews her own badges onto her guides uniform (but can't do her camp blanket herself yet), she brushes her own hair (i still help her tie it up and wash it), cleans and looks after her own glasses and hearing aids, will take our dog on a short walk alone locally (unfamiliar areas or longer walks she still wants me with her), can feed the dog and knows to check her water bowl and refill it without me reminding her, will walk herself to Guides (but has to have an adult pick her up due to end time - which is fair enough), walks home from school 3 nights a week with her friends, makes her own bed in the morning etc. so she isn't by any means held back.

She does have a minor speech delay as well as hearing issues which need aids. She also has had glasses since age 3. School have absolutely no concerns about her, say she’s bang on academically in most subjects (it’s things which are more wordy like English and things requiring balance like PE she struggles in, she takes her aids out for PE so that is probably why). Audiology and ENT have never raised any concerns at all about her emotional age.

Does my DD sound normal for her age?

As I type this she’s emptying the lego box to make a rescue centre for abandoned animals, chattering away about what pieces she wants and why.

ExH says this isn't normal and i need to encourage more grownup activities for her. ExH has DD for 2 nights EOWend, no extra (his own choice) and DD is both of ours only child but ExH has neices and nephews where I don't so don't know whether I am just not used to knowing what is normal.

Vote:
YANBU - DD sounds normal for her age
YABU - DD sounds a bit babied/young for her age

OP posts:
Penguinfeet24 · 13/01/2025 13:23

Sounds perhaps a tiny bit on the young side but at that age I'm pretty sure it can turn on a dime and go the other way - 10-12 is an eye opener so make the most of it whilst you can!

Proudofmynane · 13/01/2025 13:06

Could be missing the point here but that film, Nosferatu, was a 15 and WoW I would not want that stuff in my 10yr olds head!! Your girl sounds amazing. Your EX needs to give himself a shake!! Is he embarrassed by her lack of 'grown upness'?? Tell him this time is precious and way too short. There's a whole lifetime to be a boring grownup 😁 Also you can buy huge Lego storage boxes that work like Lego bricks. My Daughter has a wall!!

FoxInTheForest · 13/01/2025 12:49

Our 12 year old still plays with toys and dolls. Under the disguise of "playing with her sister with them", but she asked for a new doll for Christmas "to play with sister with", and will pick out and create the games they play most of the time and seems to really enjoy it still.
Her clothing taste got more mature once she began secondary school, but some of her friends still wear character clothing like stitch and wicked. Just keep focusing on letting her be herself.

bookworm14 · 13/01/2025 12:39

I don’t think anyone is claiming it’s sad for girls to grow up. They are saying that it’s entirely normal and appropriate for a 10 year old child to play with toys and to present as ‘young’ (because she is). She will grow up in her own time.

VelvetFuzzy · 13/01/2025 12:26

She sounds like me at that age. I wouldn't have said I was sophisticated or grown up but I don't think I was that far behind either, some of my classmates were similar. That was the early 90s though, and I don't think most of us were that into skincare or fashion or romance back then. Kids do seem to grow up fast these days, I can't see anything particular abnormal about your DD. 10 is an inbetween age.

The only thing that gave me pause is your comment about her being able to do her own hair. Isn't that normal by age 7? I would have thought that was a given at 10.

Snatherwang · 13/01/2025 12:21

@bookworm14 you're spectacularly missing the point of my post as you did earlier with @ThatCleverFawn

My post was re a wider sentiment around keeping growing girls ‘children’ because they’re spoiled once they’re not. No-one but you seems to be saying skincare and make-up are a sign of being grown up. Yet you keep repeating it! If it’s not a sign of being a young woman then does it matter what age they are?

PigInAHouse · 13/01/2025 12:20

My year 6 daughter is starting to ‘develop into a young woman’, and she’s doing that without any interest in make up and skincare whatsoever. She is growing up into a mature, sensible and sensitive young person with a variety of interests. She also still likes to play.

bookworm14 · 13/01/2025 12:16

We are talking about a 10 year old child. Of course playing with sylvanians is developmentally appropriate. A 10 year old is not ‘growing into a young woman’ yet (and if the measure of this is an interest in skincare and makeup, then I find that very depressing).

Of course it’s great for kids to have a range of interests, and these are likely to change and develop as they get older, but there is nothing odd about the child described in the OP.

Snatherwang · 13/01/2025 12:07

This notion that ‘children are growing up too quickly these days’ is actually false. The opposite is true - teenagers didn’t exist until the 1940’s and less than a 100 years ago children under 10 could well be going to work. Young adults today reach all the experience milestones later than we did (in my 40s).

Also, there is nothing wrong with children - especially girls - growing into young women. I find it a very strange attitude on this thread that girls are somehow ‘ruined’ when they’re not children anymore. They’re no longer ‘lovely’ or ‘wonderful’ because they’re not playing with dolls? Do you think that way about boys too?

www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220324-kgoy-kids-getting-older-younger

Snatherwang · 13/01/2025 11:46

For all those saying ‘the longer the childhood behaviours last the better’, I would say this is a balance. Children that are seen as ‘babyish’ or culturally behind by their peers may not have many friends which can have a negative impact.

Whilst your ex is clearly being ridiculous and a bit weird, I would say things like playing ‘endlessly’ with Sylvanian families (@Potterymum) at 9/10 would rule the child out as a play friend for many girls of that age as they wouldn’t want to still be doing that kind of thing. I would say that’s more 5-6yr old behaviour.

ItGhoul · 13/01/2025 10:44

She sounds pretty normal, really. Maybe the character clothes and Crayola glasses are a little bit babyish, but certainly nothing I'd worry about. It's also worth remembering that plenty of teen girls are very into kitsch, bright stuff, kawaii Japanese/Korean type style, Hello Kitty, Disney stuff etc in a sort of semi-ironic way anyway.

Guides is a totally age-appropriate activity - it's for age 10-14, right? They do plenty of adventurous, grown-up stuff as far as I can tell and are encouraged to be independent and self-motivated.

Your daughter has fun with kids her own age, will wear makeup when she wants to and is clearly reasonably independent in terms of doing stuff alone etc so I really wouldn't be worried about her. Your ex-H is being a bit weird. She's 10, not 15.

Potterymum · 13/01/2025 08:41

How glorious. She sounds like an interested and interesting child. My daughter is 9, adores her Sylvanian family and plays endlessly with them. Long may it last I say.
As many people said, films and games have managed rating for a reason. Why rush their childhood away? There's plenty time for them to be grownups.

Juleslovesmaths · 13/01/2025 06:51

Normal10yoYesorNo · 11/01/2025 16:17

DD is 10, school year 6, will be 11 in 2025 but is the youngest in her year (end of July birthday).

ExH is insisting I baby her and that she’s too old to play with toys. Her school, however, have not raised any concerns from her play - they have a common room area for year 5s and 6s with age appropriate toys etc which DD loves, each class gets an hour a week in this common room (3 form entry school) and they’ve said DD plays fine with other girls (she rarely plays with the boys) and they play in an age appropriate way.

So does this sound normal:

  • Loves baby dolls – dresses them, feeds them, puts them to bed, talks to them while she’s doing it. Hands them to her friends/me/her grandparents/teacher to “look after” and tells us how to do it before going off to play with other toys
  • Also loves barbie dolls – dresses them up, has fashion shows, plays them as baby/dog/whatever sitter, brushes their hair. The children/baby barbies go to School and Guides etc while the adults do “boring” (her words) things like shopping and work
  • Loves card games like Uno and Snap
  • Loves some simpler board games like snakes and ladders
  • Loves Lego – builds houses, zoos, farms and schools but never vehicles or space station or similar (I think we had a church once but it was a one off). Has most of the animal sets and always builds big multi people houses/places then has the animals running wild looking for their owners/keepers, she finds this hilarious and plays it a lot – she doesn’t build particular sets as such but asks for the general boxes or specific ones if they have people/animals in she wants
  • She plays with things together so often the Lego Animals end up being the pets of the barbies etc.
  • Loves Stuffed Animals and has many – she likes to put on shows with these, she sings and leaps about while they watch.
  • Likes craft activities like card making, simple sewing, badge making – she absolutely loves glitter, stickers, glue, sequins etc.
  • Likes baking cakes and bread/pizzas with me
  • Her clothes still have characters like Stitch and Barbie on
  • Her glasses are Crayola with a rainbow pattern on the side
  • Her hearing aids are Blue one side and Pink the other (her choice)
  • Her chosen extra curricular are Guides (Girlguides) and Choir – she could do more than 2 but chooses not to
  • Still believes in Santa (although I plan to tell her the truth in the summer before she goes to secondary school)
  • Starting to get into makeup for parties, discos at school etc. but doesn’t want it for general wear yet

ExH thinks she should be into none character clothes, makeup for the full face and skincare, grownup games like trivial pursuit and monopoly. He hasn’t bought her a single toy since she was about 8 saying she’s way too old. He thinks she should be more interested in her phone and tablet (don’t get me wrong she wants to use them and does but never asks to go on them, she’d rather play – the phone is for walking home from school and the tablet we take to appointments with us). He thinks her glasses need to be upgraded to designer labels so she “fits in” with her friends and her hearing aids should be changed to be less babyish. He thinks her activities should also be more grown up and has suggested Gymnastics and a language Class (She turned her nose up at Gymnastics and says she’s learning French at school so doesn’t want to do anymore yet, her potential secondary school offer French, Spanish, Mandarin and German as Extra Curriculars so she can always pick them up there – I am happy to pay for these if school ask me to)

For Christmas he bought her a TV for her room there and a playstation 5 with a couple of age 12 games as she’s “too old for toys now” which she says she isn’t really bothered by and wants to spend more time with me so she can play. When asked why age 12 games he said anything for age 7 up and younger seemed “babyish”.

For Christmas I got her some barbies, a bit more Lego (she has loads of the stuff), a few soft toys (including a dancing stitch thing that she would take absolutely everywhere with her if given the chance) and some clothes.

ExH thinks he ideal day out should be a grown up 12 or 15 movie followed by a meal at an Indian restaurant. Whereas I took her to the circus and out for pizza after during October Half Term and she still acts out her favourite bits of the circus with her toys now.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a fussy eater at all, eats most things but she will reject an entire meal still if she so much as sniffs the foods she doesn’t like and spicy is one of her things she doesn't like (anything spicy, even a tiny bit of onion can be too spicy). She also is very grown up in other areas. She very quickly mastered tying her school tie, always check she has her pin badges for school and guides on her uniform (and with guides makes sure they're in the correct place and can move them herself if they're not), sews her own badges onto her guides uniform (but can't do her camp blanket herself yet), she brushes her own hair (i still help her tie it up and wash it), cleans and looks after her own glasses and hearing aids, will take our dog on a short walk alone locally (unfamiliar areas or longer walks she still wants me with her), can feed the dog and knows to check her water bowl and refill it without me reminding her, will walk herself to Guides (but has to have an adult pick her up due to end time - which is fair enough), walks home from school 3 nights a week with her friends, makes her own bed in the morning etc. so she isn't by any means held back.

She does have a minor speech delay as well as hearing issues which need aids. She also has had glasses since age 3. School have absolutely no concerns about her, say she’s bang on academically in most subjects (it’s things which are more wordy like English and things requiring balance like PE she struggles in, she takes her aids out for PE so that is probably why). Audiology and ENT have never raised any concerns at all about her emotional age.

Does my DD sound normal for her age?

As I type this she’s emptying the lego box to make a rescue centre for abandoned animals, chattering away about what pieces she wants and why.

ExH says this isn't normal and i need to encourage more grownup activities for her. ExH has DD for 2 nights EOWend, no extra (his own choice) and DD is both of ours only child but ExH has neices and nephews where I don't so don't know whether I am just not used to knowing what is normal.

Vote:
YANBU - DD sounds normal for her age
YABU - DD sounds a bit babied/young for her age

He sounds awful - just be glad he’s an EX - keep the joy going with your daughter as long as possible

GillianCarole · 13/01/2025 05:43

She is absolutely 'normal' - I'm a bit worried about your ex though. Why does he want her in full makeup? That is definitely not appropriate for her age. Some might say it is sexualising her. She may decide she never wants to wear makeup! Does he?? He should leave her alone - she'll grow up when she's ready. Also, he should not make her eat food she doesn't like.

Safxxx · 13/01/2025 04:21

Let her be, I hate society that thinks kids should act older than they are. Let her enjoy her childhood. I'm so glad she's not into her screen times and enjoys real play, that's one thing lacking with kids these days who are stuck to their devices.

dementedmummy · 13/01/2025 02:51

Normal10yoYesorNo · 11/01/2025 16:17

DD is 10, school year 6, will be 11 in 2025 but is the youngest in her year (end of July birthday).

ExH is insisting I baby her and that she’s too old to play with toys. Her school, however, have not raised any concerns from her play - they have a common room area for year 5s and 6s with age appropriate toys etc which DD loves, each class gets an hour a week in this common room (3 form entry school) and they’ve said DD plays fine with other girls (she rarely plays with the boys) and they play in an age appropriate way.

So does this sound normal:

  • Loves baby dolls – dresses them, feeds them, puts them to bed, talks to them while she’s doing it. Hands them to her friends/me/her grandparents/teacher to “look after” and tells us how to do it before going off to play with other toys
  • Also loves barbie dolls – dresses them up, has fashion shows, plays them as baby/dog/whatever sitter, brushes their hair. The children/baby barbies go to School and Guides etc while the adults do “boring” (her words) things like shopping and work
  • Loves card games like Uno and Snap
  • Loves some simpler board games like snakes and ladders
  • Loves Lego – builds houses, zoos, farms and schools but never vehicles or space station or similar (I think we had a church once but it was a one off). Has most of the animal sets and always builds big multi people houses/places then has the animals running wild looking for their owners/keepers, she finds this hilarious and plays it a lot – she doesn’t build particular sets as such but asks for the general boxes or specific ones if they have people/animals in she wants
  • She plays with things together so often the Lego Animals end up being the pets of the barbies etc.
  • Loves Stuffed Animals and has many – she likes to put on shows with these, she sings and leaps about while they watch.
  • Likes craft activities like card making, simple sewing, badge making – she absolutely loves glitter, stickers, glue, sequins etc.
  • Likes baking cakes and bread/pizzas with me
  • Her clothes still have characters like Stitch and Barbie on
  • Her glasses are Crayola with a rainbow pattern on the side
  • Her hearing aids are Blue one side and Pink the other (her choice)
  • Her chosen extra curricular are Guides (Girlguides) and Choir – she could do more than 2 but chooses not to
  • Still believes in Santa (although I plan to tell her the truth in the summer before she goes to secondary school)
  • Starting to get into makeup for parties, discos at school etc. but doesn’t want it for general wear yet

ExH thinks she should be into none character clothes, makeup for the full face and skincare, grownup games like trivial pursuit and monopoly. He hasn’t bought her a single toy since she was about 8 saying she’s way too old. He thinks she should be more interested in her phone and tablet (don’t get me wrong she wants to use them and does but never asks to go on them, she’d rather play – the phone is for walking home from school and the tablet we take to appointments with us). He thinks her glasses need to be upgraded to designer labels so she “fits in” with her friends and her hearing aids should be changed to be less babyish. He thinks her activities should also be more grown up and has suggested Gymnastics and a language Class (She turned her nose up at Gymnastics and says she’s learning French at school so doesn’t want to do anymore yet, her potential secondary school offer French, Spanish, Mandarin and German as Extra Curriculars so she can always pick them up there – I am happy to pay for these if school ask me to)

For Christmas he bought her a TV for her room there and a playstation 5 with a couple of age 12 games as she’s “too old for toys now” which she says she isn’t really bothered by and wants to spend more time with me so she can play. When asked why age 12 games he said anything for age 7 up and younger seemed “babyish”.

For Christmas I got her some barbies, a bit more Lego (she has loads of the stuff), a few soft toys (including a dancing stitch thing that she would take absolutely everywhere with her if given the chance) and some clothes.

ExH thinks he ideal day out should be a grown up 12 or 15 movie followed by a meal at an Indian restaurant. Whereas I took her to the circus and out for pizza after during October Half Term and she still acts out her favourite bits of the circus with her toys now.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a fussy eater at all, eats most things but she will reject an entire meal still if she so much as sniffs the foods she doesn’t like and spicy is one of her things she doesn't like (anything spicy, even a tiny bit of onion can be too spicy). She also is very grown up in other areas. She very quickly mastered tying her school tie, always check she has her pin badges for school and guides on her uniform (and with guides makes sure they're in the correct place and can move them herself if they're not), sews her own badges onto her guides uniform (but can't do her camp blanket herself yet), she brushes her own hair (i still help her tie it up and wash it), cleans and looks after her own glasses and hearing aids, will take our dog on a short walk alone locally (unfamiliar areas or longer walks she still wants me with her), can feed the dog and knows to check her water bowl and refill it without me reminding her, will walk herself to Guides (but has to have an adult pick her up due to end time - which is fair enough), walks home from school 3 nights a week with her friends, makes her own bed in the morning etc. so she isn't by any means held back.

She does have a minor speech delay as well as hearing issues which need aids. She also has had glasses since age 3. School have absolutely no concerns about her, say she’s bang on academically in most subjects (it’s things which are more wordy like English and things requiring balance like PE she struggles in, she takes her aids out for PE so that is probably why). Audiology and ENT have never raised any concerns at all about her emotional age.

Does my DD sound normal for her age?

As I type this she’s emptying the lego box to make a rescue centre for abandoned animals, chattering away about what pieces she wants and why.

ExH says this isn't normal and i need to encourage more grownup activities for her. ExH has DD for 2 nights EOWend, no extra (his own choice) and DD is both of ours only child but ExH has neices and nephews where I don't so don't know whether I am just not used to knowing what is normal.

Vote:
YANBU - DD sounds normal for her age
YABU - DD sounds a bit babied/young for her age

I think to be honest if we had more 10 year old kids like yours, the world would be a better place. There is plenty of time for kids to grow up. I don't understand the need for kids to be mini super model replicas or to be stuck on their tablet all day, the latter I feel is very much lazy parenting which is storing up disaster as we will soon have a generation of people who cannot communicate normally and whose self worth is governed by how many likes they have or whether they have went viral

Thefsm · 12/01/2025 23:48

Let her enjoy every last minute. I still asked for Barbie’s when I turned 13. But I stopped being able to enjoy imaginative play with them around then. Before that I loved my toys.

WeCanOnlyDoOurBest · 12/01/2025 23:43

Normal10yoYesorNo · 11/01/2025 16:17

DD is 10, school year 6, will be 11 in 2025 but is the youngest in her year (end of July birthday).

ExH is insisting I baby her and that she’s too old to play with toys. Her school, however, have not raised any concerns from her play - they have a common room area for year 5s and 6s with age appropriate toys etc which DD loves, each class gets an hour a week in this common room (3 form entry school) and they’ve said DD plays fine with other girls (she rarely plays with the boys) and they play in an age appropriate way.

So does this sound normal:

  • Loves baby dolls – dresses them, feeds them, puts them to bed, talks to them while she’s doing it. Hands them to her friends/me/her grandparents/teacher to “look after” and tells us how to do it before going off to play with other toys
  • Also loves barbie dolls – dresses them up, has fashion shows, plays them as baby/dog/whatever sitter, brushes their hair. The children/baby barbies go to School and Guides etc while the adults do “boring” (her words) things like shopping and work
  • Loves card games like Uno and Snap
  • Loves some simpler board games like snakes and ladders
  • Loves Lego – builds houses, zoos, farms and schools but never vehicles or space station or similar (I think we had a church once but it was a one off). Has most of the animal sets and always builds big multi people houses/places then has the animals running wild looking for their owners/keepers, she finds this hilarious and plays it a lot – she doesn’t build particular sets as such but asks for the general boxes or specific ones if they have people/animals in she wants
  • She plays with things together so often the Lego Animals end up being the pets of the barbies etc.
  • Loves Stuffed Animals and has many – she likes to put on shows with these, she sings and leaps about while they watch.
  • Likes craft activities like card making, simple sewing, badge making – she absolutely loves glitter, stickers, glue, sequins etc.
  • Likes baking cakes and bread/pizzas with me
  • Her clothes still have characters like Stitch and Barbie on
  • Her glasses are Crayola with a rainbow pattern on the side
  • Her hearing aids are Blue one side and Pink the other (her choice)
  • Her chosen extra curricular are Guides (Girlguides) and Choir – she could do more than 2 but chooses not to
  • Still believes in Santa (although I plan to tell her the truth in the summer before she goes to secondary school)
  • Starting to get into makeup for parties, discos at school etc. but doesn’t want it for general wear yet

ExH thinks she should be into none character clothes, makeup for the full face and skincare, grownup games like trivial pursuit and monopoly. He hasn’t bought her a single toy since she was about 8 saying she’s way too old. He thinks she should be more interested in her phone and tablet (don’t get me wrong she wants to use them and does but never asks to go on them, she’d rather play – the phone is for walking home from school and the tablet we take to appointments with us). He thinks her glasses need to be upgraded to designer labels so she “fits in” with her friends and her hearing aids should be changed to be less babyish. He thinks her activities should also be more grown up and has suggested Gymnastics and a language Class (She turned her nose up at Gymnastics and says she’s learning French at school so doesn’t want to do anymore yet, her potential secondary school offer French, Spanish, Mandarin and German as Extra Curriculars so she can always pick them up there – I am happy to pay for these if school ask me to)

For Christmas he bought her a TV for her room there and a playstation 5 with a couple of age 12 games as she’s “too old for toys now” which she says she isn’t really bothered by and wants to spend more time with me so she can play. When asked why age 12 games he said anything for age 7 up and younger seemed “babyish”.

For Christmas I got her some barbies, a bit more Lego (she has loads of the stuff), a few soft toys (including a dancing stitch thing that she would take absolutely everywhere with her if given the chance) and some clothes.

ExH thinks he ideal day out should be a grown up 12 or 15 movie followed by a meal at an Indian restaurant. Whereas I took her to the circus and out for pizza after during October Half Term and she still acts out her favourite bits of the circus with her toys now.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a fussy eater at all, eats most things but she will reject an entire meal still if she so much as sniffs the foods she doesn’t like and spicy is one of her things she doesn't like (anything spicy, even a tiny bit of onion can be too spicy). She also is very grown up in other areas. She very quickly mastered tying her school tie, always check she has her pin badges for school and guides on her uniform (and with guides makes sure they're in the correct place and can move them herself if they're not), sews her own badges onto her guides uniform (but can't do her camp blanket herself yet), she brushes her own hair (i still help her tie it up and wash it), cleans and looks after her own glasses and hearing aids, will take our dog on a short walk alone locally (unfamiliar areas or longer walks she still wants me with her), can feed the dog and knows to check her water bowl and refill it without me reminding her, will walk herself to Guides (but has to have an adult pick her up due to end time - which is fair enough), walks home from school 3 nights a week with her friends, makes her own bed in the morning etc. so she isn't by any means held back.

She does have a minor speech delay as well as hearing issues which need aids. She also has had glasses since age 3. School have absolutely no concerns about her, say she’s bang on academically in most subjects (it’s things which are more wordy like English and things requiring balance like PE she struggles in, she takes her aids out for PE so that is probably why). Audiology and ENT have never raised any concerns at all about her emotional age.

Does my DD sound normal for her age?

As I type this she’s emptying the lego box to make a rescue centre for abandoned animals, chattering away about what pieces she wants and why.

ExH says this isn't normal and i need to encourage more grownup activities for her. ExH has DD for 2 nights EOWend, no extra (his own choice) and DD is both of ours only child but ExH has neices and nephews where I don't so don't know whether I am just not used to knowing what is normal.

Vote:
YANBU - DD sounds normal for her age
YABU - DD sounds a bit babied/young for her age

YANBU, DD sounds like a very imaginative and intelligent child… and one thing your exH should be reminded of is that SHE IS A CHILD. Why the hell does he want to rob her of her childhood? Let her be happy, and tell him to quit this ridiculous idea of forcing her into her teens by encouraging activities for that age when’s she has absolutely no interest in them.
He needs to give his head a shake, he’s the one with the problem here.

FiddleFigs · 12/01/2025 23:32

My DD just turned 11 and she spends much of her evenings playing with her dolls. This past Xmas, all she asked for (and received) was toys. Between Lego, Barbies, Our Generation, Jellycats, and her Le Mieux ponies - she spends hours amusing herself. She processes her day through play still. And also very much into art and crafting, and writing stories and comics. It’s really lovely. She’s also interested in fashion, nails etc, but not at all into the skincare fad.

She doesn’t have a phone or tablet, and limited screen time - maybe that’s the difference?

If your DD is happy with her toys etc, that’s wonderful. She sounds lovely.

pollymere · 12/01/2025 23:29

Ah the joys of being eleven when we all went to school and pretended to know all about sex and kissing then came home to play with our dolls and read Enid Blyton.

She sounds very comfortable in herself. Some 10y/o can seem quite young and others quite mature because many have started puberty already. She might want to wear Makeup and high heels to the Y6 disco but will still be playing with Barbies when she's at home.

HeidInTheBaw · 12/01/2025 23:00

Your daughter sounds amazing, and she’s obviously blessed with an amazing imagination and caring personality. Your ex is a dick.

Bubbles90 · 12/01/2025 22:51

Nothing wrong with your daughter. Your husband on the other hand is concerning.

celticprincess · 12/01/2025 22:46

She will very soon change next year at secondary school. My youngest was like this on primary. There was a bit of a split in their year groups and I did notice with my eldest as well. The girls with older sisters tended to leave their toys behind quite early. With my eldest I remember when she was in y1/2 and my daughter was in reception alot of the parents were donating their dolls to the nursery as their kids had grown out of them. I couldn’t believe it. My eldest still carried her baby doll around then (age 6/7) and never actually got into the Barbie type folds despite is having many and a dolls house. I recall when my youngest was turning 10 she was asking for soft toys and Lego. We went to Disneyland Paris. All her clothes were stitch. She had so many stitch toys, jewellery, stationary etc. however I was talking to one of the parents who’s child at that age was asking for designer make up, designer clothes, pamper days etc.

Girls seem to mature ad different rates these days depending on what they are surrounded by. My youngest is now 12 and still got Lego for Xmas but the Lego flowers to display. Hasn’t touched the Lego friends things. Loves sparkly things and is suddenly interested in fashion and not the stitch clothing anymore. She is an August birthday so despite now being y7 had just turned 12 when many of her friends are turning 13. She also has friends on older year groups from school clubs.

Nothing wrong with girlguiding as a hobby. It’s all age appropriate and goes through to adulthood. My youngest did quit guides after a year when again she started hanging round with other girls who didn’t do guides. But my eldest has done guides and now rangers. Nothing wrong with joining a choir either. Again they are all age appropriate. My eldest does stageschool and choir. She’s 15.

Does dad have a new partner with older girls?? Or was he brought up with older female siblings? Sounds like dad is trying to make her grow up to which. It’s such a shame. Think I played with Barbie’s til about 13.

I asked my kids this year about Santa and the eldest said she was 12 when she realised and it was at high school when some girls were talking but she didn’t drop herself in it and was never bullied. Youngest said she figured it about age 8 which surprised me.

Anon501178 · 12/01/2025 22:40

You're ex-h is an idiot....it's so sad parents like this exist nowadays, not letting kids be kids anymore projecting them so prematurely into worlds of fashion, tech and self consciousness :(

You however sound like you are allowing her to be such a happy, creative, imaginative and free little girl.....and that's just what she needs.

Ignore the stupid man and keep doing what you're doing so well.
And I'd be having a firm word with him too...she needs to be accepted by him for who she is and wants to be, not forced into trying to be someone else, and if he keeps trying that could be damaging to her.

WildViper · 12/01/2025 22:05

Please don't rush her to grow up society will get it's claws into her as it is in due course let her enjoy her childhood it's refreshing to hear considering too many kids her age are into alot more concerning things and materialism due to the social media era , if she's happy let her be 💜

Swipe left for the next trending thread