Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does it sound like my DD is normal for 10 years old?

388 replies

Normal10yoYesorNo · 11/01/2025 16:17

DD is 10, school year 6, will be 11 in 2025 but is the youngest in her year (end of July birthday).

ExH is insisting I baby her and that she’s too old to play with toys. Her school, however, have not raised any concerns from her play - they have a common room area for year 5s and 6s with age appropriate toys etc which DD loves, each class gets an hour a week in this common room (3 form entry school) and they’ve said DD plays fine with other girls (she rarely plays with the boys) and they play in an age appropriate way.

So does this sound normal:

  • Loves baby dolls – dresses them, feeds them, puts them to bed, talks to them while she’s doing it. Hands them to her friends/me/her grandparents/teacher to “look after” and tells us how to do it before going off to play with other toys
  • Also loves barbie dolls – dresses them up, has fashion shows, plays them as baby/dog/whatever sitter, brushes their hair. The children/baby barbies go to School and Guides etc while the adults do “boring” (her words) things like shopping and work
  • Loves card games like Uno and Snap
  • Loves some simpler board games like snakes and ladders
  • Loves Lego – builds houses, zoos, farms and schools but never vehicles or space station or similar (I think we had a church once but it was a one off). Has most of the animal sets and always builds big multi people houses/places then has the animals running wild looking for their owners/keepers, she finds this hilarious and plays it a lot – she doesn’t build particular sets as such but asks for the general boxes or specific ones if they have people/animals in she wants
  • She plays with things together so often the Lego Animals end up being the pets of the barbies etc.
  • Loves Stuffed Animals and has many – she likes to put on shows with these, she sings and leaps about while they watch.
  • Likes craft activities like card making, simple sewing, badge making – she absolutely loves glitter, stickers, glue, sequins etc.
  • Likes baking cakes and bread/pizzas with me
  • Her clothes still have characters like Stitch and Barbie on
  • Her glasses are Crayola with a rainbow pattern on the side
  • Her hearing aids are Blue one side and Pink the other (her choice)
  • Her chosen extra curricular are Guides (Girlguides) and Choir – she could do more than 2 but chooses not to
  • Still believes in Santa (although I plan to tell her the truth in the summer before she goes to secondary school)
  • Starting to get into makeup for parties, discos at school etc. but doesn’t want it for general wear yet

ExH thinks she should be into none character clothes, makeup for the full face and skincare, grownup games like trivial pursuit and monopoly. He hasn’t bought her a single toy since she was about 8 saying she’s way too old. He thinks she should be more interested in her phone and tablet (don’t get me wrong she wants to use them and does but never asks to go on them, she’d rather play – the phone is for walking home from school and the tablet we take to appointments with us). He thinks her glasses need to be upgraded to designer labels so she “fits in” with her friends and her hearing aids should be changed to be less babyish. He thinks her activities should also be more grown up and has suggested Gymnastics and a language Class (She turned her nose up at Gymnastics and says she’s learning French at school so doesn’t want to do anymore yet, her potential secondary school offer French, Spanish, Mandarin and German as Extra Curriculars so she can always pick them up there – I am happy to pay for these if school ask me to)

For Christmas he bought her a TV for her room there and a playstation 5 with a couple of age 12 games as she’s “too old for toys now” which she says she isn’t really bothered by and wants to spend more time with me so she can play. When asked why age 12 games he said anything for age 7 up and younger seemed “babyish”.

For Christmas I got her some barbies, a bit more Lego (she has loads of the stuff), a few soft toys (including a dancing stitch thing that she would take absolutely everywhere with her if given the chance) and some clothes.

ExH thinks he ideal day out should be a grown up 12 or 15 movie followed by a meal at an Indian restaurant. Whereas I took her to the circus and out for pizza after during October Half Term and she still acts out her favourite bits of the circus with her toys now.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a fussy eater at all, eats most things but she will reject an entire meal still if she so much as sniffs the foods she doesn’t like and spicy is one of her things she doesn't like (anything spicy, even a tiny bit of onion can be too spicy). She also is very grown up in other areas. She very quickly mastered tying her school tie, always check she has her pin badges for school and guides on her uniform (and with guides makes sure they're in the correct place and can move them herself if they're not), sews her own badges onto her guides uniform (but can't do her camp blanket herself yet), she brushes her own hair (i still help her tie it up and wash it), cleans and looks after her own glasses and hearing aids, will take our dog on a short walk alone locally (unfamiliar areas or longer walks she still wants me with her), can feed the dog and knows to check her water bowl and refill it without me reminding her, will walk herself to Guides (but has to have an adult pick her up due to end time - which is fair enough), walks home from school 3 nights a week with her friends, makes her own bed in the morning etc. so she isn't by any means held back.

She does have a minor speech delay as well as hearing issues which need aids. She also has had glasses since age 3. School have absolutely no concerns about her, say she’s bang on academically in most subjects (it’s things which are more wordy like English and things requiring balance like PE she struggles in, she takes her aids out for PE so that is probably why). Audiology and ENT have never raised any concerns at all about her emotional age.

Does my DD sound normal for her age?

As I type this she’s emptying the lego box to make a rescue centre for abandoned animals, chattering away about what pieces she wants and why.

ExH says this isn't normal and i need to encourage more grownup activities for her. ExH has DD for 2 nights EOWend, no extra (his own choice) and DD is both of ours only child but ExH has neices and nephews where I don't so don't know whether I am just not used to knowing what is normal.

Vote:
YANBU - DD sounds normal for her age
YABU - DD sounds a bit babied/young for her age

OP posts:
PigInAHouse · 11/01/2025 18:11

Ponoka7 · 11/01/2025 18:09

My 10 year old GD and many in her class have started their periods. They are out of playing with dolls/imaginative play, in the way the OP's DD is. The OP wanted opinions. The facts are that children vary. If you did a survey, the OP's DD would be considered on the young side. There's nothing that needs addressing. I'd say it's usual given the OP's DD's medical history. The other children in the year will be completely accepting of this and no changes are needed.

Show quote history

This is a very good point. Some year 6 children will have reached puberty sooner than others, and that will have an impact on their maturity levels. Some of my (year 6) DDs friends are as tall as me, have started their periods etc and it’s entirely normal that they will seem more ‘grown up’ than others in their class.

MumWifeOther · 11/01/2025 18:10

Normal10yoYesorNo · 11/01/2025 16:17

DD is 10, school year 6, will be 11 in 2025 but is the youngest in her year (end of July birthday).

ExH is insisting I baby her and that she’s too old to play with toys. Her school, however, have not raised any concerns from her play - they have a common room area for year 5s and 6s with age appropriate toys etc which DD loves, each class gets an hour a week in this common room (3 form entry school) and they’ve said DD plays fine with other girls (she rarely plays with the boys) and they play in an age appropriate way.

So does this sound normal:

  • Loves baby dolls – dresses them, feeds them, puts them to bed, talks to them while she’s doing it. Hands them to her friends/me/her grandparents/teacher to “look after” and tells us how to do it before going off to play with other toys
  • Also loves barbie dolls – dresses them up, has fashion shows, plays them as baby/dog/whatever sitter, brushes their hair. The children/baby barbies go to School and Guides etc while the adults do “boring” (her words) things like shopping and work
  • Loves card games like Uno and Snap
  • Loves some simpler board games like snakes and ladders
  • Loves Lego – builds houses, zoos, farms and schools but never vehicles or space station or similar (I think we had a church once but it was a one off). Has most of the animal sets and always builds big multi people houses/places then has the animals running wild looking for their owners/keepers, she finds this hilarious and plays it a lot – she doesn’t build particular sets as such but asks for the general boxes or specific ones if they have people/animals in she wants
  • She plays with things together so often the Lego Animals end up being the pets of the barbies etc.
  • Loves Stuffed Animals and has many – she likes to put on shows with these, she sings and leaps about while they watch.
  • Likes craft activities like card making, simple sewing, badge making – she absolutely loves glitter, stickers, glue, sequins etc.
  • Likes baking cakes and bread/pizzas with me
  • Her clothes still have characters like Stitch and Barbie on
  • Her glasses are Crayola with a rainbow pattern on the side
  • Her hearing aids are Blue one side and Pink the other (her choice)
  • Her chosen extra curricular are Guides (Girlguides) and Choir – she could do more than 2 but chooses not to
  • Still believes in Santa (although I plan to tell her the truth in the summer before she goes to secondary school)
  • Starting to get into makeup for parties, discos at school etc. but doesn’t want it for general wear yet

ExH thinks she should be into none character clothes, makeup for the full face and skincare, grownup games like trivial pursuit and monopoly. He hasn’t bought her a single toy since she was about 8 saying she’s way too old. He thinks she should be more interested in her phone and tablet (don’t get me wrong she wants to use them and does but never asks to go on them, she’d rather play – the phone is for walking home from school and the tablet we take to appointments with us). He thinks her glasses need to be upgraded to designer labels so she “fits in” with her friends and her hearing aids should be changed to be less babyish. He thinks her activities should also be more grown up and has suggested Gymnastics and a language Class (She turned her nose up at Gymnastics and says she’s learning French at school so doesn’t want to do anymore yet, her potential secondary school offer French, Spanish, Mandarin and German as Extra Curriculars so she can always pick them up there – I am happy to pay for these if school ask me to)

For Christmas he bought her a TV for her room there and a playstation 5 with a couple of age 12 games as she’s “too old for toys now” which she says she isn’t really bothered by and wants to spend more time with me so she can play. When asked why age 12 games he said anything for age 7 up and younger seemed “babyish”.

For Christmas I got her some barbies, a bit more Lego (she has loads of the stuff), a few soft toys (including a dancing stitch thing that she would take absolutely everywhere with her if given the chance) and some clothes.

ExH thinks he ideal day out should be a grown up 12 or 15 movie followed by a meal at an Indian restaurant. Whereas I took her to the circus and out for pizza after during October Half Term and she still acts out her favourite bits of the circus with her toys now.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a fussy eater at all, eats most things but she will reject an entire meal still if she so much as sniffs the foods she doesn’t like and spicy is one of her things she doesn't like (anything spicy, even a tiny bit of onion can be too spicy). She also is very grown up in other areas. She very quickly mastered tying her school tie, always check she has her pin badges for school and guides on her uniform (and with guides makes sure they're in the correct place and can move them herself if they're not), sews her own badges onto her guides uniform (but can't do her camp blanket herself yet), she brushes her own hair (i still help her tie it up and wash it), cleans and looks after her own glasses and hearing aids, will take our dog on a short walk alone locally (unfamiliar areas or longer walks she still wants me with her), can feed the dog and knows to check her water bowl and refill it without me reminding her, will walk herself to Guides (but has to have an adult pick her up due to end time - which is fair enough), walks home from school 3 nights a week with her friends, makes her own bed in the morning etc. so she isn't by any means held back.

She does have a minor speech delay as well as hearing issues which need aids. She also has had glasses since age 3. School have absolutely no concerns about her, say she’s bang on academically in most subjects (it’s things which are more wordy like English and things requiring balance like PE she struggles in, she takes her aids out for PE so that is probably why). Audiology and ENT have never raised any concerns at all about her emotional age.

Does my DD sound normal for her age?

As I type this she’s emptying the lego box to make a rescue centre for abandoned animals, chattering away about what pieces she wants and why.

ExH says this isn't normal and i need to encourage more grownup activities for her. ExH has DD for 2 nights EOWend, no extra (his own choice) and DD is both of ours only child but ExH has neices and nephews where I don't so don't know whether I am just not used to knowing what is normal.

Vote:
YANBU - DD sounds normal for her age
YABU - DD sounds a bit babied/young for her age

She sounds like a lovely and very happy girl.

She probably does “act” a bit younger than other girls in year 6, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that! In fact, I think it’s actually quite wonderful that she’s holding on to her childhood 😊

We are all different. My daughter is only 7 (in year 2 so one of the eldest in her class), and she’s always seemed much older than she is. It could be because she has two older siblings, or it could just be her personality, as I was a lot like this. She finds the girls in her class a bit too “babyish” which is sad, but she has always gravitated to older kids. It’s not only in play but also in how she talks and thinks, and holds herself. She’s also ahead in terms of her physical / educational ability. I wish she could embrace being little but at the end of the day, she is who she is and I love her for it.

EdithBond · 11/01/2025 18:10

YANBU.

Everything you describe is 100% normal for a 10 year old, especially one with no older siblings. Siblings make a big difference. Solo children have to entertain themselves and tend to go at their own pace.

I have three DC and there’s 6 year gap between eldest and youngest. So the eldest had tons of young kids toys around him at 10, which he still incorporated into games (e.g. Octonauts in the bath or using younger kids toys as ‘baddies’ for his Batman or Spider-Man figures to battle). Whereas the youngest was playing on a PS4 at 7 because it was there and his brothers were playing with it.

If your DD isn’t yet obsessed with screens, I certainly wouldn’t encourage them. They turn them into a moron. Whereas imaginative play with toys, construction and art really help them learn to have ideas and problem solve in real life. Once she’s at secondary, you won’t get her off a screen: teenage Tik Tok doom scrolling 😐. Childhood is so precious and so short these days, I wouldn’t wish it away.

As for your ex thinking she should wear full face of makeup. Wow! That’s weird. IMHO prepubescent girls shouldn’t wear any make up, other than maybe a bit of lipgloss or nail varnish for a party. Again, depends on siblings: 10 year old girls with teenage sisters may nag to wear some make up. But IMHO it certainly shouldn’t be encouraged or expected by parents.

But I guess times have changed. IMHO young women are depressingly more sexualised than in the past (heavy make up, fake nails etc) whereas when I was a teenager I wore boots and clothes that could withstand gigs in venues where sweat dripped from the ceiling or parties in muddy fields.

CatkinToadflax · 11/01/2025 18:10

I would say she sounds at the younger range of fairly typical for a 10 year old. She really sounds rather lovely.

My DS1 requested - and received - a cuddly Paddington Bear and a Lego Harry Potter Sorting Hat for Christmas a few weeks ago. He’s 19. He is not what most people might expect a 19 year old to be like (he has multiple disabilities) but he’s a sweet, loving, absolutely delightful young man and his toys and other belongings help to make up his personality.

FictionalCharacter · 11/01/2025 18:09

ExH thinks she should be into none character clothes, makeup for the full face and skincare

He wants his 10 year old child to wear full face makeup? Jeez, that’s a very abnormal way to view your 10 yo daughter. Tell him to get lost. She’s a very normal child doing normal child things, and she sounds lovely.

HailtotheBop · 11/01/2025 18:09

Your ex has some strange ideas about what a 10 year old girl 'should' be into. She sounds great and she's obviously got a brilliant imagination. I'd carry on doing what you're doing, growing up will come soon enough.

Ponoka7 · 11/01/2025 18:09

VegTrug · 11/01/2025 17:32

@PigInAHouse Anybody who says that what OP described for a 10yr old is "on the young side" is expecting older behaviour from a 10yr old child. It's worrying and disturbing, frankly.

My 10 year old GD and many in her class have started their periods. They are out of playing with dolls/imaginative play, in the way the OP's DD is. The OP wanted opinions. The facts are that children vary. If you did a survey, the OP's DD would be considered on the young side. There's nothing that needs addressing. I'd say it's usual given the OP's DD's medical history. The other children in the year will be completely accepting of this and no changes are needed.

Sassybooklover · 11/01/2025 18:08

Sounds perfectly normal to me. I was around 11 years old before I stopped playing with my Barbies! I've turned into a well balanced adult! All children mature differently, some might start drifting away from toys around 8-10 years old but others may be 10-12 years old. The fact is at some point your daughter will eventually stop playing with toys, but it will be in her own time. She won't be playing Barbies at 15! Your ex husband is creating an issue where there isn't one. Why he thinks all children stop playing with toys at 8, is beyond me!! He's trying to force her to be a child, she very clearly isn't and she will start to resent him, and if he gets angry with her over it, quite possibly frightened of him. Children aren't children for long, he needs to stop trying to make her grow up before she's ready.

Original poster
Normal10yoYesorNo · 11/01/2025 18:08

Thanks everyone, I was anxious that I was holding her back, but pleased to read I'm not.

ExH was badly bullied at school more so at secondary but also at primary too, so I think he's anxious for the same to not happen to DD.

OP posts:
MsGoodenough · 11/01/2025 18:08

Totally normal. She sounds delightful!

BeethovenNinth · 11/01/2025 18:06

I should add that my other daughters still don’t do full face makeup or have a major routine. I am the same. I wear a little make up but I’m not into Botox or contouring my face or pouting lips; I don’t wax. I just live a simple and basic life and I really hope my daughters see that is perfectly normal.

SeaBee7 · 11/01/2025 18:06

She sounds perfect!

housethatbuiltme · 11/01/2025 18:05

Maybe because I grew up around rock, metal, bikers, goths etc... so the alt scene but I know plenty of adults into that stuff.

Do they get strange looks from 'normies' yes but theres nothing wrong with whimsy... I wear hot barbie pink and love sparkly anything, I like lots of old Warner Bros stuff so have loads of character clothing outfits (they make they for adults) and if anything I grew more into it with age.

I know loads of adults into crafting, half the people I know have dedicated craft rooms.

I also never wear make up day to day, who can be arsed with that? lol... I will for a special occasion but theres no requirement for women to hide their faces behind paint for other peoples expectations.

She just mostly sounds expressive and comfortable in what she knows she likes rather than worrying about blanding up to conform.

LostittoBostik · 11/01/2025 18:05

She is way too young for a tv in her room.

Ignore everything he says.

Namechange2272 · 11/01/2025 18:04

My daughter is 13 and processes her school day through play with Barbies and Our Generation dolls. She does this on her own. She is also into skincare, pop music and hanging out with her friends at the shopping centre or cafes.

I'd say the dolls will disappear in 2025 but I have zero concerns about her development. Let them be kids!

macap · 11/01/2025 18:03

Adults play with Lego too! In fact there are sets aimed at them. My DD just turned 10 and loves Lego!

MattBerningerstrophywife · 11/01/2025 18:03

Shittyproblem · 11/01/2025 17:16

I stopped reading when I got to "still believes in Santa".

That is ridiculous. I would expect any child to stop believing between 5-7, & think it's foolish for parents to perpetuate the myth beyond that age,.

Good for you. But lots of kids who are still of primary age still believe. In the early 90s I remember telling a classmate that Santa wasn’t real on the last day of primary (she was going to a rough school and I didn’t want people taking the piss)

Deadringer · 11/01/2025 18:03

She honestly sounds fabulous.

macap · 11/01/2025 18:02

Nothing wrong with her!

Children grow up far too quickly these days. I've seen videos of 10 year olds with elaborate skincare routines and expensive makeup.

I find it sad.

greengreyblue · 11/01/2025 18:02

I teach this year group. Totally normal/ standard/ age appropriate. Your Ex is a berk. All chn are different and have varying interests though. Some never play with dolls, some love Lego, some don’t. She’s just fine

WonderingWanda · 11/01/2025 18:02

Sorry, just saw he was your Ex. So pleased to read that he sounds like a twat!

BeethovenNinth · 11/01/2025 18:02

This is a weird old question. She sounds entirely normal to me. My ten year would love her

generally kids into screens etc grow up sooner. Your ex husband sounds like a lunatic

PigInAHouse · 11/01/2025 18:01

MattBerningerstrophywife · 11/01/2025 17:57

Sorry, I accidentally pressed Yabu and can’t change it. My 9 year old son is similar. But honestly, what’s the rush to grow up? The other thing is that I work in IT and many of my colleagues are very bright and successful, but are still really interested in nerdish things, especially Lego!! In fact I purposely have my husband’s lego in the background at home for Teams meetings so that it’s a conversation starter

You can change it by just clicking YANBU instead.

neverbeenskiing · 11/01/2025 18:01

My Year 6 (just turned 11yo) DD is possibly young for her age in some aspects, but very mixed I think. She couldn't give a fig about skincare (not sure she knows what it is tbh) but has gotten quite into fashionable clothes now.
She definitely wouldn't wear character clothes, and anything with hearts, rainbows or unicorns would be met with a look of disgust. She doesn't care about designer labels though.
She likes nice bath stuff and has her own age-appropriate perfume, if we're going out somewhere nice she might put a bit of pink lip gloss on but I wouldn't say she's 'into' make up at all and I wouldn't want her to be at this age.
She has recently gotten a phone but it's very tightly locked down, no social media, no WhatsApp, strict parental controls and she isn't on it much. She mainly uses it to send cat pictures to my DM and her cousins, and to look up facts about Taylor Swift.
She does enjoy gaming but mainly the Sims and Animal Crossing, no interest in anything more 'adult' really.
She doesn't play with toys or dolls anymore but she has collected Beanie Boos for years and still keeps them all in a special box, every so often will get them all out, look at them and organise them. She still has soft toys and Squishmallows on her bed.
Activities are a team sport, a musical instrument, girl guides and a weekly dance class.
She's very fussy with food, goes through phases with foods and is particular about smells and textures.
She washes and brushes her own hair but needs prompting and encouragement to do so. She's forgetful and gets distracted easily.

DD is Autistic though so not sure she's what you have in mind when you're asking what's "normal".

Your Ex sounds like a prize dickhead by the way. Imagine being upset that your 10 year old isn't obsessed with skincare, make up and watching 15 rated films.

Snatherwang · 11/01/2025 18:00

In fact I purposely have my husband’s lego in the background at home for Teams meetings so that it’s a conversation starter

you don’t have to be crazy to work here but it helps eh…..embarrassing