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Original poster

To be upset with my boyfriend over this ?

293 replies

Fairydustapplecrumble · 11/01/2025 12:59

Hi I 25 f have been with my partner 37m for 4 years now. We’ve both been so busy at work apart from a couple days off at Christmas and it was our first weekend together.

This morning we were on the sofa watching telly and I went to hug him. He said ‘ergh great are you gonna hug me again and kiss me - it’s getting really annoying’ I got up made a tea and went upstairs to our bedroom I was upset. But didn’t show it.

I got a text from Royal Mail saying they’d delivered a gift I got for him. I purchased it last week because I wanted to treat him. It was a big bag of his favourite pick n mix. Anyway I went to get it as they’d left it outside and I came in and said that I’d got him these and he said ‘well it’s not even my birthday , have I had all my birthday presents now? , great’

This may be childish but I just burst into tears and quickly went back upstairs. He followed me up and saw me crying and said ‘Actually do you know what I can’t be bleeped to make you feel better I’m going out for a cigarette and a walk I need space from you, you’re a joke’

I’m really upset I don’t know what to think. He always says he loves me usually and that he’s so happy but now I feel like it’s a lie and I feel he’s secretly always annoyed at me or I get under his skin as he just completely changed today.

Also I never mention this to him but I also see no sign of a proposal . I thought after 4 years he would have thought about it but nothing. I never ask him about marriage or proposals but I have found myself thinking about it. He usually seems really happy with me. He is quite a cold man until you get to know him and then he has a softer side.

Any advice ? I feel sad 😭

thank you xx

OP posts:
Voneska · 15/01/2025 18:06

His approach sounds like that of a Room mate. Would you want a proposal from this jerk??????? Get your own ROOM in the house and Lock the door. If there's no spare room ,use the dining room. I'm not surprised you're upset. This arrangement sounds transactional. Keep it as ' ROOMATES' do not engage. For advice on moving forward : Go to Podcast sites on internet and watch items on Narcissism. Learn about ' Grey Rock ' in particular to help your emotional health. You need to Grey Rock him now!!!!!!!!

runningonberocca · 15/01/2025 18:02

He’s an absolute dick. Get rid. You deserve much better than this

JandamiHash · 15/01/2025 17:54

JollyGreenSleeves · 15/01/2025 17:25

I think he is trying to knock your confidence so you don’t ever leave him because you’re younger and out of his league.

Absolutely bang on

And if you’re not careful OP you will be 35, miserable, self confidence shattered and eager to please a man of almost 50. Get out now

JandamiHash · 15/01/2025 17:53

OP you’re still so young. Why waste your life on this miserable curmudgeonly bastard who sounds like he’s 37 going on 7

Hwi · 15/01/2025 17:51

Dump him! You are so young and he is an old idiot - find a nice young boy who would love you - he is far too old and miserable for you, he should hang out with his fellow pensioners.

Ponoka7 · 15/01/2025 17:28

You're 25, he's nearly 40, he should be worshipping you. Don't waste your 20's on him, you don't get this time back.

JollyGreenSleeves · 15/01/2025 17:25

I think he is trying to knock your confidence so you don’t ever leave him because you’re younger and out of his league.

Firingsz · 15/01/2025 17:18

What on earth are you doing with this nasty belittling pig?

Do you honestly believe all you deserve is a nasty prick?

If so, you have definitely got one.

AMalePerspectives · 15/01/2025 17:18

Fairydustapplecrumble · 11/01/2025 12:59

Hi I 25 f have been with my partner 37m for 4 years now. We’ve both been so busy at work apart from a couple days off at Christmas and it was our first weekend together.

This morning we were on the sofa watching telly and I went to hug him. He said ‘ergh great are you gonna hug me again and kiss me - it’s getting really annoying’ I got up made a tea and went upstairs to our bedroom I was upset. But didn’t show it.

I got a text from Royal Mail saying they’d delivered a gift I got for him. I purchased it last week because I wanted to treat him. It was a big bag of his favourite pick n mix. Anyway I went to get it as they’d left it outside and I came in and said that I’d got him these and he said ‘well it’s not even my birthday , have I had all my birthday presents now? , great’

This may be childish but I just burst into tears and quickly went back upstairs. He followed me up and saw me crying and said ‘Actually do you know what I can’t be bleeped to make you feel better I’m going out for a cigarette and a walk I need space from you, you’re a joke’

I’m really upset I don’t know what to think. He always says he loves me usually and that he’s so happy but now I feel like it’s a lie and I feel he’s secretly always annoyed at me or I get under his skin as he just completely changed today.

Also I never mention this to him but I also see no sign of a proposal . I thought after 4 years he would have thought about it but nothing. I never ask him about marriage or proposals but I have found myself thinking about it. He usually seems really happy with me. He is quite a cold man until you get to know him and then he has a softer side.

Any advice ? I feel sad 😭

thank you xx

He may seem like the love of your life but I would seriously think about giving him the boot, maybe suggest some time away from him, plan a girls weekend somewhere, see if he reacts to it, if not then he isn't the one for you, you need someone who will love and work for your relationship, if his head isn't in that place then I can't see it going anywhere, you have already invested 4 years of your life to him and this is how he reacts to you.
A relationship is all about working to make your partner feel wanted and to do things that make them happy, spending time with them it's not normal for a partner to respond to you the way he has.

thescandalwascontained · 15/01/2025 17:18

He's a complete and utter arsehole who is treating you like less than.

You deserve so much better.

Be glad you're not engaged. Run. Run, run, run.

CheekyRaven · 15/01/2025 17:16

Starting to show his colours. Leave now. What will he be like 5 years down the line?
Wishing you well.

JANEY205 · 15/01/2025 17:00

There’s a reason nobody his own age would deal with him and he’s had to date 12 years younger.
At 25 you’re in the prime of your life to be meeting a really nice guy. Get rid of this loser!!

Downtoncrabbey · 15/01/2025 16:59

You probably don't know this as you are young, but this is classic of the age gap. He is 37, he has preyed on you because he is a loser and any woman his age would see through his BS and not put up with him.

He is abusive so he got an an innocent young woman, put on a mask at first of being nice, and now it starting to slip. It will only get worse from here on out. You can see the contempt he has for you. This is not a blip, but his true self coming out. I'm very sorry but the best thing you can do at this point is plan your exit, DO NOT get pregnant, and do not trust him with birth control. It is common for them to trap you with pregnancy especially when they feel you withdrawing. Then you are stuck with them and very vulnerable.

Of course he won't marry you, that way he can leave you anytime easily and you cant demand anything from him.

ManchesterGirl2 · 15/01/2025 16:56

Dump him. He's treating you like absolute shit.

I'd never speak to a partner in the way he is doing, even if we'd had a massive argument.

theDudesmummy · 15/01/2025 16:55

What a nasty person. What is the point of him, exactly?

InSearchOfMartin · 15/01/2025 16:54

@Kths Bad for business? What's that mean? Did you run a business together?

Kths · 15/01/2025 16:49

This happened to me, my once amazing partner turned cold and nasty over night, it was destabilizing and confusing

I thought it was because he was stressed but it turned out he didn’t want to be with me anymore as he liked someone else so turned nasty to get me to leave him

sad thing is this went on for 8 months as I just didn’t understand or get it and was sat patiently waiting for my loving partner to return

when he told me months after our split he tried to get me to leave him I told him I would rather he be honest and left then put me through that, he said he couldn’t as was bad for business

tolerable · 15/01/2025 16:42

i never mention this but no sign of a proposal...s your mouths have fell f.4yrs and no communicaatin is lest cncerns.wlk.dont look back theres literallly milions f single men in world

LookItsMeAgain · 15/01/2025 16:38

I can see that this thread has moved on a bit so I'm going entirely on what the OP put in their opening post (and yes I will go back and read more of the thread), but my advice would be the following:

  1. Get the pick n' mix back from this arsehole when he is out having his walk.
  2. Pack your belongings (provided it's not your home that you're living in, if it is, pack his)
  3. Leave him
  4. Hold your head up high and give yourself a break. You can and will do better than this arsehole!

Now, going back to see how things have gone over the past few days.

RobinEllacotStrike · 15/01/2025 16:38

Dump him love x

mnreader · 15/01/2025 16:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

thatsalad · 15/01/2025 16:13

LTB. And putting aside his assholish behavior, why on earth would you want a proposal at 25. You're so young

Pherian · 15/01/2025 16:02

He’s nearly 40 and you’re still young.

He is stealing your youth. How he treated you irrespective of whatever he was “going through” is totally out of order.

With no proposal after four years it’s time to move on.

DoveLisand · 15/01/2025 15:55

MrsSethGecko · 11/01/2025 13:12

Why would you want to marry this absolute cunt.

Yeah this

September1013 · 15/01/2025 15:48

He can’t be bothered keeping up the pretence of being a nice person any more. He figures after four years you’ll just put up with it because you won’t want to give up on the relationship after all the time you’ve put in.

He’ll keep stringing you along without a proposal/wedding but tbh he’s doing you a favour as marrying him would be a huge mistake.

Cut your losses and find a man who values you and is ready for a mature adult relationship. And be glad you’ve seen his true colours before you got pregnant and ended up tied to him long term.