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Original poster

To be upset with my boyfriend over this ?

293 replies

Fairydustapplecrumble · 11/01/2025 12:59

Hi I 25 f have been with my partner 37m for 4 years now. We’ve both been so busy at work apart from a couple days off at Christmas and it was our first weekend together.

This morning we were on the sofa watching telly and I went to hug him. He said ‘ergh great are you gonna hug me again and kiss me - it’s getting really annoying’ I got up made a tea and went upstairs to our bedroom I was upset. But didn’t show it.

I got a text from Royal Mail saying they’d delivered a gift I got for him. I purchased it last week because I wanted to treat him. It was a big bag of his favourite pick n mix. Anyway I went to get it as they’d left it outside and I came in and said that I’d got him these and he said ‘well it’s not even my birthday , have I had all my birthday presents now? , great’

This may be childish but I just burst into tears and quickly went back upstairs. He followed me up and saw me crying and said ‘Actually do you know what I can’t be bleeped to make you feel better I’m going out for a cigarette and a walk I need space from you, you’re a joke’

I’m really upset I don’t know what to think. He always says he loves me usually and that he’s so happy but now I feel like it’s a lie and I feel he’s secretly always annoyed at me or I get under his skin as he just completely changed today.

Also I never mention this to him but I also see no sign of a proposal . I thought after 4 years he would have thought about it but nothing. I never ask him about marriage or proposals but I have found myself thinking about it. He usually seems really happy with me. He is quite a cold man until you get to know him and then he has a softer side.

Any advice ? I feel sad 😭

thank you xx

OP posts:
TieYourTrampolineDownSport · 16/01/2025 19:32

I’m sorry honey but “he ain’t that into you”

Scottsy200 · 16/01/2025 19:15

Please leave this man this is disgusting behaviour and you say yourself you can’t see a future

dammit88 · 16/01/2025 19:12

Honestly you are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you, don't stay with a man like this.

MarvellousMonsters · 16/01/2025 18:56

Is this satire? Leave. Kick him out. Seriously, end it. He's awful

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 16/01/2025 18:41

He is 12 year older than you and sounds like a literal child! Dump him and raise your standards

rugbyman79 · 16/01/2025 18:39

was he always like this or is this despicable behaviour something recent?

rugbyman79 · 16/01/2025 18:39

was he always like this or is it something recent?

Ladymeade · 16/01/2025 18:36

Just a nasty person! It would be a red flag for me as I love to do thoughtful things for my DH (and he does to me too) I echo what others have said - raise your bar and leave (& I hope that you find someone more worthy) x

Maninpeace · 16/01/2025 18:34

MustWeDoThis · 16/01/2025 17:59

Omg OP, I'm so sorry! What a monumental c*nt!

When I was 19 and dating a 35yr old, he treated me like this toward the end because he was cheating on me and too spineless to break up with me. I was devastated.

I would kick him out and change the locks. Then tell everyone he knows how he treated you - Including his family. Bet his Mother would love that.

Show quote history

Sadly, this is exactly what is going on.

Tillow4ever · 16/01/2025 18:06

NRTFT - Ask yourself this. What was a 33 year old man doing asking a 21 year old out in the first place? I’ll tell you what - no women of his age would put up with his shit, so he wanted someone young and less experienced to give him an ego boost and not realise they deserved to be treated better.

i speak from experience - those are the exact ages i got together with my now husband. I’m trapped. If I could go back and tell my younger self anything at all it would be to run.

things will only get worse. Leave now and get yourself someone that deserves you, likes you, loves you and respects you.

Greenshed · 16/01/2025 18:03

He’s not worth the upset. Time to send him on his merry way, I think. Certainly don’t marry him.

MustWeDoThis · 16/01/2025 17:59

Fairydustapplecrumble · 11/01/2025 12:59

Hi I 25 f have been with my partner 37m for 4 years now. We’ve both been so busy at work apart from a couple days off at Christmas and it was our first weekend together.

This morning we were on the sofa watching telly and I went to hug him. He said ‘ergh great are you gonna hug me again and kiss me - it’s getting really annoying’ I got up made a tea and went upstairs to our bedroom I was upset. But didn’t show it.

I got a text from Royal Mail saying they’d delivered a gift I got for him. I purchased it last week because I wanted to treat him. It was a big bag of his favourite pick n mix. Anyway I went to get it as they’d left it outside and I came in and said that I’d got him these and he said ‘well it’s not even my birthday , have I had all my birthday presents now? , great’

This may be childish but I just burst into tears and quickly went back upstairs. He followed me up and saw me crying and said ‘Actually do you know what I can’t be bleeped to make you feel better I’m going out for a cigarette and a walk I need space from you, you’re a joke’

I’m really upset I don’t know what to think. He always says he loves me usually and that he’s so happy but now I feel like it’s a lie and I feel he’s secretly always annoyed at me or I get under his skin as he just completely changed today.

Also I never mention this to him but I also see no sign of a proposal . I thought after 4 years he would have thought about it but nothing. I never ask him about marriage or proposals but I have found myself thinking about it. He usually seems really happy with me. He is quite a cold man until you get to know him and then he has a softer side.

Any advice ? I feel sad 😭

thank you xx

Omg OP, I'm so sorry! What a monumental c*nt!

When I was 19 and dating a 35yr old, he treated me like this toward the end because he was cheating on me and too spineless to break up with me. I was devastated.

I would kick him out and change the locks. Then tell everyone he knows how he treated you - Including his family. Bet his Mother would love that.

PinkyFlamingo · 16/01/2025 12:50

Do you live together?

LjSebs · 16/01/2025 12:46

When someone show's you who they really are - believe them

BarrenBachelor · 16/01/2025 09:47

Get out now. You deserve better.

Quiinkong · 16/01/2025 08:50

OP won't get out, everyone is just wasting their efforts giving advice. I have a friend exactly like OP, her now fiancee even calls her a bitch whenever she doesn't roll over quick enough. Her excuse was always "but we've been together for 2yrs, then 3yrs, then 4yrs, then 5" and it's always the same story. Last year, she moved away with him and got engaged too. People like OP battle with low self esteem and feel they will never find another person to love them, so they will rather die where they are now.

Beansinyourears · 16/01/2025 08:46

I hate to say this but I experienced these exact behaviours totally randomly from an ex (bf only thank goodness). Turns out he was frustrated I was always around because it was getting increasingly harder to cheat on me multiple times without me realising. I'm sorry, please leave before he diminishes your self worth. I am married to an amazing man now, it gets better.

Vodkamummy · 16/01/2025 08:43

No one, absolutely no one, especially a partner should be treating you like this! When a person truly loves you, they will not intentionally hurt your feelings or talk to you like he did. Chalk this relationship up to a bad experience and get out before you have to do too much healing from it

AshCrapp · 15/01/2025 22:44

No man would call me a joke in my own house and still be my boyfriend when he came back from that walk.

LBFseBrom · 15/01/2025 21:08

Kths · 15/01/2025 16:49

This happened to me, my once amazing partner turned cold and nasty over night, it was destabilizing and confusing

I thought it was because he was stressed but it turned out he didn’t want to be with me anymore as he liked someone else so turned nasty to get me to leave him

sad thing is this went on for 8 months as I just didn’t understand or get it and was sat patiently waiting for my loving partner to return

when he told me months after our split he tried to get me to leave him I told him I would rather he be honest and left then put me through that, he said he couldn’t as was bad for business

My immediate thought regarding the op's situation; it did sound to me as though he wanted to end it but hoped she'd go because that's easiest.

I hope she does go and enjoys her life. She is only 25.

JuliaLilian · 15/01/2025 20:07

Do everything you can to unpick your life with this bloke. He sounds really horrible. Can you imagine how much worse life will you if you stay with him or have children with him? You do not want to end up being financially dependent on him.

JayJayj · 15/01/2025 19:42

He was 33 when you were 21. I think that’s a gross age gap. He probably got with someone so young hoping to manipulate them into doing whatever he wants.

please leave him.

MyTwinklyPanda · 15/01/2025 19:39

Sounds like you're more mature than him. If I was speaking to my 21 year old self (I was in a similar situation at your age) I'd be saying. Get yourself somewhere else to live, if you can move back home with parent(s) or elsewhere even a job anywhere that has accommodation go for it, spread your wings, life is way too short. Block him from everything and never be swayed into getting back with him. I really wish I'd done this instead of waiting........You're very young to be in a longterm relationship. Go and have lots of fun, travel and be happy. You're not happy at all for one reason or another. Don't be dragged down by his games or before he cheats on you and makes a fool of you. He's 37 and will still be like this in another 10 years.

Do yourself a favour and don't get engaged because he's not the one.

DisabledDemon · 15/01/2025 18:16

For heaven’s sake, don’t marry him - bin him! Do you really want a lifetime of this behaviour?

AwaitingFreedom · 15/01/2025 18:12

@Fairydustapplecrumble
Are you going to bother coming back, if only to thank posters for their time?

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