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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset with my boyfriend over this ?

293 replies

Fairydustapplecrumble · 11/01/2025 12:59

Hi I 25 f have been with my partner 37m for 4 years now. We’ve both been so busy at work apart from a couple days off at Christmas and it was our first weekend together.

This morning we were on the sofa watching telly and I went to hug him. He said ‘ergh great are you gonna hug me again and kiss me - it’s getting really annoying’ I got up made a tea and went upstairs to our bedroom I was upset. But didn’t show it.

I got a text from Royal Mail saying they’d delivered a gift I got for him. I purchased it last week because I wanted to treat him. It was a big bag of his favourite pick n mix. Anyway I went to get it as they’d left it outside and I came in and said that I’d got him these and he said ‘well it’s not even my birthday , have I had all my birthday presents now? , great’

This may be childish but I just burst into tears and quickly went back upstairs. He followed me up and saw me crying and said ‘Actually do you know what I can’t be bleeped to make you feel better I’m going out for a cigarette and a walk I need space from you, you’re a joke’

I’m really upset I don’t know what to think. He always says he loves me usually and that he’s so happy but now I feel like it’s a lie and I feel he’s secretly always annoyed at me or I get under his skin as he just completely changed today.

Also I never mention this to him but I also see no sign of a proposal . I thought after 4 years he would have thought about it but nothing. I never ask him about marriage or proposals but I have found myself thinking about it. He usually seems really happy with me. He is quite a cold man until you get to know him and then he has a softer side.

Any advice ? I feel sad 😭

thank you xx

OP posts:
TenThousandSpoons · 11/01/2025 13:29

LTB

IsItTheBlackOneOrTheRedOne · 11/01/2025 13:29

Your relationship is over and it seems like it’s for the best. Bin him. You can do this 💪Flowers

Twaddlepip · 11/01/2025 13:28

You’re 25. This nasty cunt is nearly 40. He was creeping after you when you were 20/21, barely out of teens, and he was mid 30s. Gross.

Adding that to the fact that he’s horrible to you and negs you… why would you want to be tied for this for the rest of your life?

I bet he’s controlling too.

Dump this horrible specimen, he’s revolting, and be alone for a while. Then find someone nice and decent.

Pinkelephant66 · 11/01/2025 13:27

Do not waste the best years of your life with this bloke!

LouisvilleSlugger · 11/01/2025 13:27

It sounds like he doesn’t much like you.

He’s a lot older than you (although what grown arse man eats pick & mix?) and you don’t sound very compatible.

Don’t waste your youth with him.

Therealjudgejudy · 11/01/2025 13:25

Raise your bar and get rid of this vile creature.

You sound like a lovely person op, and dont deserve to be treated like this

Purplecatshopaholic · 11/01/2025 13:25

He’s treating you like shit. He will continue to do so if you let him. Find some self worth, and dump this unpleasant individual. You are worth more than this, you are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t waste it on someone who does not deserve you.

UnhealthyCopingStrategies · 11/01/2025 13:25

Your starter relationship has run it's course and rather than end it, he's being horrible so you will have to. You really have your whole life ahead of you, don't put up with it!

pinkfondu · 11/01/2025 13:23

He doesn't like you

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 11/01/2025 13:23

Bin him off.

Owly11 · 11/01/2025 13:22

So you were 21 and him 33 when you started dating? Your frontal cortex doesn't finish developing until you are 25. Hopefully you can see things more clearly now. Dump this loser and move on with your life.

BiblicalArk · 11/01/2025 13:22

Something I learned from my marriage: Never put a man ( or anyone) on a pedestal. A man will sense this and in my case begin to take the piss . We were young and madly in love . I asked him why he began to take the piss and he said " Because I could you let me " . He also used weaponised incompetence. He only shaped up when I started to make noises about shipping out and I stopped wiping his arse . That was then he began to respect me again . Get tough OP .

MK19590 · 11/01/2025 13:21

I don't think he likes you hun

Izzy24 · 11/01/2025 13:20

I voted UABU -
unreasonable to want anything to do with this arse let alone want to marry him.

Leave! Seriously.

Spanielsaremad · 11/01/2025 13:18

Trust me, there is someone better out there that will treat you how you deserve to be treated. This man doesn't deserve you.

MinorGodhead · 11/01/2025 13:17

What they all said, but what worries me in your post is that you list how awful he is, and how contemptuous his behaviour towards you is, but still imply you’re waiting for him to propose???

You’d be completely mad to marry this man. Marrying him would be like self-harm.Your life will be so much better without him.

Mielbee · 11/01/2025 13:17

Bluevelvetsofa · 11/01/2025 13:06

I think he’s trying to check out of the relationship and being unpleasant to you is his way of forcing a confrontation.

I agree.

ManchesterLu · 11/01/2025 13:16

At best you have different ideas of intimacy and thoughtfulness. At worst he's a horrible, nasty little arsehole. I'm leaning towards the latter.

You deserve better.

Ilovethatbear · 11/01/2025 13:15

Dump and stay single until someone who actually likes and respects you comes along.

He is a crap boyfriend and is wasting your precious time.

susiedaisy1912 · 11/01/2025 13:15

He doesn't like you op. His actions are telling you this. Leave him and raise your standards

Turneresque · 11/01/2025 13:15

Why are you with this unfeeling arse.
Dump him you are worth so much more.

Jinglehop · 11/01/2025 13:14

He sounds awful. He’s not a cold man until you get to know him - he’s cold. Full stop. More than that, he’s openly TELLING you he finds your attention, affection and thoughtful gifts annoying. It’s unlikely to get better. This is not what a good relationship looks like nor is this kind of behaviour your responsibility to coach him out of. Raise your standards and move on from this guy. Don’t waste any more time, thought or money on him.

Ladybyrd · 11/01/2025 13:14

pikkumyy77 · 11/01/2025 13:10

Oh for fuck’s sake—you can do better than this wanker. He is an old, cigarette smoking, arse who targeted a naive 21 year old and now sees no need for romance, or even courtesy. Take it from someone in a 35 year relationship, 30 years very happily married, at four years in he should still be passionate about you and eager for your kisses and hugs and kindness. Hell at 35 years in he should be! My dh is!

Dont worry about what you are doing—recognize that this is the best he can offer and its NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Move out. You can find a better man when you have lived alone long enough and matured enough to puck better.

At this stage of my life, I'd just dump him for the fag breath to be honest.

Calmhappyandhealthy · 11/01/2025 13:14

HEC2746 · 11/01/2025 13:05

Please find some self worth and leave him.

This with bells on

Astrak · 11/01/2025 13:13

I'm so sorry that you have to put up with this nasty behaviour. If you did an honest plus and minus list of being in this relationship, how would it look?
Personally I would leave, but what would the financials look like if you did? Could you
stay with a friend whilst you're sorting yourself out?

He doesn't sound like good marriage material to me.