Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who gets the room

88 replies

Lifeshardiko · 11/01/2025 11:09

So me and DH have 4 children between us- 2 are mine and he has 2- 3 are boys between 11 and 13 and a girl age 16. DSD no longer stays over often but visits for dinner, evening etc.
we have 2 double bedrooms and a box room - my DS11 is in 1 big room, his DS11 is in the other and my DS13 is in the box room. I feel it makes more sense for my DS to swap with DSS and mine are here everyday- there day is not around and DSD is here EOW so 2/14 days.
DH thinks I am being nasty as DSS has always been in this room (it was divided between him and DSD) but I think it makes more sense that the child in the home more has the larger space and it’s not about which kids is who’s more about using the space better.
what do others think as we can not agree

OP posts:
AnxiousRose · 11/01/2025 11:33

Where would you sleep if DSD sleeps in your room?

I would say leave it as it is for the time being. It's important for DSD and DSS to feel they have a place with their dad and it's not fair to move one child for the sake of another when that has always been their room.

Mulledjuice · 11/01/2025 11:32

The way you've written the OP is so confusing!

I think you have:
DSD 16 - stays over 2/14
DS13 - lives there
DS11 - lives there
DSS11 - lives there

So I would put DSD in box room,
And the 2 11 years old share the biggest room and the 13 year old has the other large room with a spare bunk/trundle.

Original poster
Lifeshardiko · 11/01/2025 11:30

The room was properly divided by stud walls so yes they shared a room but had privacy and own doors this was removed due to building/ damp work last month after her not staying for 7 months

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifeshardiko · 11/01/2025 11:28

If DSD stays she can either have our room or my boys can go in with each other for those days but she has not stayed in 7 months and seems happier coming for evenings and days when she wants. DSS is with us every other weekend.
DSS is unable to share with my children due to ASD (my boys) and he is quite a loud child they would not manage that

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 11/01/2025 11:28

I don't think the post is clear as to how often your step-children each stay.

One possibility would be your 11 & 13yos sharing a big room, his son having a big room (as he stays more often) and the box room being available for his daughter when she does stay.

Did you move into his house (you say it has always been his sons room)?. I would be VERY unwilling to make my child move out of what had always been their room for another child.

AnxiousRose · 11/01/2025 11:26

Does DSD sleep in the same room as DSS when she stays over now? Is she happy with this arrangement or is she requesting more privacy? If DSS moves to the box room where will DSD sleep when she stays over?

PostmanPatAlwaysRingsTwice · 11/01/2025 11:23

Your DH only sees his son for 2 days out of 14?
if DSS is shifted to the box room, will there be anywhere for DSD if she does stay?

WhingeInTheWillows · 11/01/2025 11:19

Logically it makes sense for the children there most to have the biggest rooms but you have to think how your step son will feel. Will he feel pushed out and second best to your children? Maybe he won’t want to stay as much if he feels not wanted. I’m not saying you don’t want him but that mayb how he sees it.

MissDoubleU · 11/01/2025 11:19

Also, DSS could sleep in box room if he wished when DSD wasn’t there if he needed space from DS

EmoIsntDead · 11/01/2025 11:19

Eldermillenialyogi · 11/01/2025 11:14

I don't understand - where are the other kids? You said he has 3 and you have 2?

I think if this were the other way around you'd say the same thing ie think your DS should be allowed to keep his room. You're both looking out for your own kids which is understandable but you need to work this stuff out and it sounds like you don't have a big enough house.

I'm there's another room that you and he sleep in?

No, she said they have two DC each, 3 of the DC are boys and 1 girl.

MissDoubleU · 11/01/2025 11:17

How often is DSS around? What if both 11 year olds could share the largest room, 13 year old gets the second largest and the box room goes to the DSD as she still needs her own space and opportunity to stay should she wish

EmoIsntDead · 11/01/2025 11:17

So, child who lives in the house full time has the box room while child who stays 2/14 has a double room? Yeah, that’s not fair at all.

Eldermillenialyogi · 11/01/2025 11:14

I don't understand - where are the other kids? You said he has 3 and you have 2?

I think if this were the other way around you'd say the same thing ie think your DS should be allowed to keep his room. You're both looking out for your own kids which is understandable but you need to work this stuff out and it sounds like you don't have a big enough house.

I'm there's another room that you and he sleep in?