Who gets the room

For those saying it's an emotional issue for DSS - what about it being an emotional issue for the OP's DS?!

I would simply approach this from a practical and logical pov. The children living with you full time get the bigger rooms, besides DS will be studying for GCSEs soon so needs space to study. DSS already has a big room at his mums.

There's been a few threads on these sort of setups recently and it's always about tip toeing around and giving in, children need to understand that the world doesn't revolve around their individuals needs and often it's the most logical thing that it is best.

DSS hasn't "always had that room" if it was divided into two until a month ago!

At first I was sympathetic to your DH's position, but given the room division update, I've come over to your side.

Involve DSS in the decision and sort the box room out according to what he'd like?

Why is your DSD no longer staying over? It seems unfair to leave her without a bed in her dad's house?

You have to look at this in number of nights the rooms are occupied. I think your Ds13 was originally in the box room because the step children, male and female shared the bigger room.

Out of 365 nights Ds13 is in the box room 365 he doesn't have enough room for his clothes because all of his clothes are with him. Where Dss visits every other weekend and stays for one or 2 nights out of the entire year.

It isn't being nasty to divvy up rooms according to who is occupying them more. Quite frankly the oldest child usually gets the largest room anyway so Dss has had it sweet for the last 7 months.

I would move them round.

I think the child who lives there full time should have the bigger room.

I can understand why people are saying it might make dss feel bad and if it was me I'd be having a good conversation with them to reassure them how loved and wanted they are but outline the practical reasons and the fact that they no longer need that kind of space because dsd (who they were sharing with) is no longer staying. Dss being there 2/14 days obviously won't need as much stuff and the child who lives there full time has literally all of their belongings in this place.

Maybe as a compromise, discuss with dss and tell him he can redecorate etc and see if he's happy to switch rooms?

Tricky as if the step children have always have the other room then this would feel like he is being pushed out of his room despite the fact they don't live their permanently. I wouldn't move the step child because of this.

Why does your eldest have the smallest room, the 13 year old appears to have a smaller room than his younger brother? This would be the only switch that I would have made in that the 13 yr old who lives their permanently gets the big room, the 11 year old who lives their permanently gets the box room leaving the step children to share the other room.

It sounds like you have moved into their home? In which case, can't really force this one without his kids being hacked off.

Im a bit confused, but as long as the girl gets her own room I don't see a problem. I'm 20 and if I hadn't had my own room at 16 I'd have left home!

Reading between the lines, correct me if I'm wrong. you've moved into your partner's home with your children, and now you're settled want to move the bedrooms around? If that's the case then don't do that.

Surely 2 children should share the big room

I see the logic in practical terms, but to the child it isn’t a logical problem it’s an emotional one. Because he’s not there all the time, he gets the shit room. It’s heaping misfortune on top of misfortune. For all we know he may hate moving between houses and would love to have a full time home.

So the question is, which situation is likely to cause the most emotional hurt (not practical inconvenience, that is less consequential in the grand scheme of things). I think that while it may be more inconvenient for DD13 to continue having the box room, it is likely to be more emotionally hurtful for DSS11 to move out of his big room and into the small one.

Is your DS13 requesting the bigger room?
Have you spoken to your DSD about it? Why is she no longer staying over? Was there a problem with her room? You mentioned damp.
How do you think DSS would feel about moving?

No way should a large room be left empty for 12 days out of 14 that makes no sense.

DSD doesn't need a room but obviously lef her know you'll make space if she decides she would like to.

The kids who are there permanently have the bigger rooms.
His boy in the box room.
But you have to be mindful the girl could decide to move in so you'd need to revert to the original setup with one of the big rooms divided

Agree with this

The 13 year old should have the big room as he lives there full time! The step son isn't there often so he can have a box room. He has another bedroom at his mum's.

No, your DS13 needs to keep the box room I’m afraid, and his DS11 the big room.

You may think of it in practical terms, but to the children it is an emotional thing, especially at their ages. DDS11 will feel ‘relegated’ if you favour his step sibling over him.
The dice has fallen and DS13 got the box room. Unlucky. If they all lived with you full time, somebody would still have to have the box room. It’s the way the cookie crumbles. You could ask your DS11 to make room for some of DS13’s stuff in his big double? A desk or chest of drawers for example.

Where does DSD16 sleep when she comes over?

eta: sorry, missed the update!

my DS11 is in 1 big room, his DS11 is in the other and my DS13 is in the box room

This set up is so wrong. Why is your eldest son in the box room?

Your 13 year old and 11 year old should have the two big rooms as they live in the house full time. The step sons (you mentioned your DP has 2 sons and a daughter but then this changed to one son) should share the box room. The step daughter can sleep downstairs if she's visiting.

X posted with your update!