I realised too late I don’t like parenting

It is worth it in the end when you see them blossom.

As everyone says you're at the trickiest stage, haven't read the whole thread but if and when eldest starts school you may well find the pressure behind to lift and when both are at school it will lift again. The primary school years are so much easier than the little years. I've two lovely teenagers who I barely see and who make me tea and are fab company etc but omg 2 years 4 months apart .. the early days were incredibly full on.

I’m sure we all have these days (that draaaggg on for weeks/months). It’s probably their ages, and one is much easier than two.

I love both mine the same but looking after one of them is easier than when they’re together (8 & 4). My second was a crap sleeper and my first had just started school, the sleepless nights along with the school run was really hard. You can’t just chill with your second like you did with your first.

It will get easier soon 💐

It's hard but tough, you made your choice now deal with it.

My question to all parents who have this view of parenting .

Are you envious of child free out of choice people? Would you have preferred to have taken this path?

According to many of the posts, if its such a strong feeling & the answer is yes, I get the impression there may not be many answers.

I'll begin. Absolutely not & I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. I have young Grandchildren now who I care for regularly & I absolutely love having them. I actually do appreciate not all parents & Grandparents feel the same. We are allowed different views.

We all feel like that most days especially when they are young and your sleep deprived, it gets better

I felt exactly the same.

I was very much, "I've ruined my life". Despite loving them to my core.

It was so odd; I'd have literally died for them but equally done anything to have chosen to remain child free.

They are now 5&9 and much more independent now and much more fun. Life is easier and I don't regret it as much.

Knew I'd hate parenting, so didn't have kids! 🤷‍♀️

I didn't find out I'm autistic with ADHD until after I became a parent and because of those I couldn't enjoy parenting at all. I'd been masking for years then once I became a parent I had no energy left to mask and my whole life caved in on me. I don't hate parenting but I've realised because of my ADHD and autism I can't do what everyone else can and my energy has to be reserved for the important things. I don't have much left for anything enjoyable but I love my daughter to bits and couldn't imagine my life without her. I just wish I knew I had ADHD and autism and the challenges I'd have as a parent because of these when I decided to have a child. Definitely no judgement from me but more understanding

The demands on modern mothers are far greater than any previous generation.

Not sure about that. Can't see that having kids in the middle ages with no mod cons and working your fingers to the bone cleaning for pennies to pay for shambolic digs is any fun.

Totally with you OP. It’s hideous. I go from work to childcare to cleaning to work to childcare to cleaning and it never stops. My boy is 2 and so lovely but the job, ick. Hate it. Solidarity.

Oh I feel this deep in my soul today! I lost it with my 17 year old today. And I mean lost it. I have never lost it that bad before ever. But he’s so rude and dirty I just exploded. And I’ve got a 19 yo who’s at uni and since she started she’s got a huge attitude all of a sudden. AND to top
it off I have 2 and a half yo TWINS. Who, to be fair, are so much easier than my teenagers. I just get screamed at sometimes and get touched constantly! Oh but they do fight a lot. They like to headbutt, so that’s fun. I could run away today I’m that fed up. But tomorrows a new day I guess.

There is not one of my posts on this important subject that shamed OP. In fact it was the opposite. Support comes in many forms. It's not just piling in to make it look as if there is nothing worse in the world than parenting

No need to feel bad or guilty - motherhood is a thankless slog as many pps have said. I always find everything just a bit easier if I know I’m not alone so take it from me you are by no means alone I’m thinking you real used this too late. It angers me every day how utterly unrealistic and romanticised parenting, and motherhood in particular, is made out to be.

This is a fatal assumption. I thought that but hated my job and left. Next job was more flexible and the next one even more so. (I got more money with each move.) So many employers offer flexibility these days. You should look for a new job.

Tried to refund mine at the Midwifery unit. Midwife said no. B*tch.

So, when someone reaches out to the community they do have - like Mumsnet, for example - it behoves us to provide that support and encouragement, rather than shaming them for their feelings, @Thoughtsonallsorts.

The problem is the days of extended families living within a stones throw of each other are more or less gone. Then people wonder why there is no support at hand when you need it or just want a break. I had both sets of Grandparents plus siblings living within a few miles & could rely on them for help when required. I don't feel its shaming anybody by saying of course there are difficult days but finding parenting a daily struggle is not the case when extended families are around to help & support each other.

I would like to reiterate that no-one is a bad parent, or a bad person, for finding parenting a struggle or for having negative feelings about how hard and unrelenting parenting can be.

Parenting can be really hard, for many reasons - post natal depression, family/economic circumstances, lack of family support, disability or SEN, to name but a few - and even, sometimes, for no apparent reasons at all.

I believe that it is vital that, when things are hard, parents must be able to reach out, to say that they are struggling, and to ask for encouragement and support, so they can get through it. If people try to shame parents who are struggling, and make them feel like failures for struggling and for asking for help, this will NOT make their struggles miraculously disappear - it will just make them feel entirely alone - and this will harm them and potentially their children too.

I am happy for those posters who have not struggled, or who have coped with their struggles without needing to ask for help - that is wonderful - but please accept that not everyone is the same, and even if you can’t empathise with people who are struggling, or offer them any help or support, please, please try not to make them feel even worse than they do already, by shaming them for their struggles.

They are absolutely wonderful and I'm so fortunate to have been adopted by them. My world and life would have been so very difficult and different if I'd been brought up by my birth mum who was a drug addict (I was weaned off heroin and born 3 months prematurely)

Thank you so much.
My four are all aged between 33 and 39 now and have blessed me with seven beautiful grandchildren.
Their biological father walked out on us when my eldest was 10 and I raised them alone for four years until I met my fantastic husband.
When I was a single mum we were as poor as church mice ( much the same now lol) but they were truly the best times.

Not rose tinted glasses from me. Aside from the odd day I really bloody loved it all. My friends with DC all commented at the time and since.

I did have lots of advantages though. Loads of family help and worked PT eves and Saturday mornings until both DC at senior school.

Teenage years much harder for me but friends sailed through that stage.

That you love them both means it's going to be ok. From the age of 3 (for second children, who catch on quicker) it's a lot easier and a lot more fun. Be strict and you will have a wonderful time - the parents who arent strict seem to have a shit time (obvs not counting major SEN).
Minimal screens, maximum books and vegetables 🤪

I wonder if there's an element of rose tintedness from some posters here. Overall, I adore parenting my two year old and I'm fairly sure that in 20 or 30 years I will remember these as some of the best years of my life. But I don't love every single moment. When my toddler is still awake at 9pm because we're navigating the nap drop and I'm desperate to have a minute to sit down or when she's having a tantrum in the supermarket or any of the other many relentless moments that are parenting a small child. However I also didn't love every single moment of my life pre kids - I think it's an unnatural expectation to be honest. Social media probably has a lot to answer for here.

YYY to this.

With all sympathy to those who find it relentless and utterly exhausting though.