I realised too late I don’t like parenting

It will happen. It may feel like it won't, but it will.

Parenting small kids can be utterly gruelling, draining, and exhausting. Hang on in there.

Where your son has the upper hand is you will understand him and be able to think back to what you needed while growing up and try give that to him. It's almost like healing your own inner child through raising your own how you needed. It's definitely reading up on being neurodiverse and joining groups or there is people on tiktok that can help you understand it better and how to handle things.

I was in Boots once with my eldest as a baby and one of the assistants was like "ah isn't she cute?" So I responded, "yes, she is when she's asleep!" The daggers I got! Was true though. All too much we are expected to pretend everything is great when actually it would be more helpful if people were encouraged to be honest and say actually it can be shit sometimes and a struggle to make it through the day.

Well I hope you've never moaned or complained about anything or even worse genuinely struggled. After all, there's always someone worse off than you who would happily swap their problems for yours, no matter how insurmountable they seem to you.

I think it's the tiredness that's the killer as it just makes everything seem worse. My eldest was such hard work, never wanted to sleep, hated naps, I had that feeling of dread every day at one point. Luckily youngest was a lot easier, very happy, hardly cried and liked her sleep! Mine are 10 and 4 now and while I still get pretty tired looking after them they now entertain themselves much of the time so it's not a problem. Things will get better. Parenting is SO hard though and anyone that says different is lying or has forgotten those early days.

It's a true fact. If I had a down day I'm sorry but when my mum said this to me I went home & counted my blessings & held my children even tighter

If she had said the things the majority of posters here are saying it would have depressed me. I wouldn't care if it made me feel like we're are all in this together. How would that make a jot of difference to how I felt apart from making my feelings even more relevant that parenting is awful for everyone. It's not. I'd far sooner be told the positives along with the fact it can be hard. At least I'd have something to hang on to.

I'll add again,children are a gift & worth every minute of the times you struggle when tired etc. Every job under the sun can be exhausting,relentless & draining. You could be born with a silver spoon in your mouth,no need to work, be child free & live life on a sunbed. A few years of this & lying there with nothing really worthwhile in your life might change your mind. Children make life worthwhile.

I felt like that, but my DD turned 5 & it's been great since, she's my little mate! She's 8 now and we muddle along great.
It'll get easier.

I think it's probably hating your job that's making it worse, maybe try and change that x

You are in the trenches at those ages.... It's mainly drudgery but with some jot sprinkled in!! But it will change and will become so much easier and I found getting some sleep finally when my youngest 3 made a world of difference.

Keep going gets so much better. Mine are 6 and 9 now and they are brilliant company.

Yes completely agree. It's as helpful as posting "well my mother is dead, so count yourself lucky" on a thread started by someone who's had a row with their mum. Just helps absolutely no one.

Solidarity from me OP, I have a 4 month old and 22 month old and some days I dread waking up in the morning.

The weather doesn't help as being stuck at home makes it so so hard, spring is around the corner, things will get easier (not sure whether I'm typing that for you or me at this point!).

Roll on spending days in the park!

This was your very first post on this thread, @Thoughtsonallsorts - I see this as shaming the OP and invalidating her feelings. I see no support, help or encouragement in it.

I’ve looked up a lot of old Mumsnet and other forum threads lately about parenting being hard, and when it might get easier. Nine times out of 10 the OP has a 1yo and either a 3yo or 4yo.
I, who have searched the internet for these discussions, also have a 1yo and a 4yo! My older one is refusing to be fully potty trained as well, so I am never more than an hour away from one of them needing changing.
I don’t think right now is the essence of all parenting ever. It had better not be!
Currently though, I’m finding my joy in the younger one saying a few words and becoming more expressive, and the older one being lovely with her on occasion.

It is hard and while you’re in the thick of it, it feels as if you will never get a moment’s peace. But it also flies by and suddenly you’re, like me, with them all having flown the coop, and wondering how quickly that happened. Rose-tinted glasses probably, but I feel so nostalgic for the days when they were young. Love spending time with mine now they are adults, but those days are rare as they are so busy. Hope you get some sleep and a bit of time off.

I learned I'm probably neurodivergent after having a child.
My youngest ds shows similar signs as me including hyperactivity and social anxiety plus moderate ocd, his meltdowns are legendary especially after a long day at school.
I wish I knew before being a parent, I was ok before but now simple things like playing with ds and the multitasking, trying to get things done while dc is demanding attention both really tire me out and lead me to meltdown mode at the worst.. I'm coping better now at age 4 but suffered severe ppd at the time he was a baby (also had depression as a teen and really struggled to "adult" but now realise that's probably because of neurodivergent tendencies and societal pressure to fit the mold).
I've masked all my life and never really fit in, now sad my ds is probably going to go through the same feelings.. Also feel like a rubbish mum when I can't cope.
He's going through a difficult rebellious phase now, it's hard just taking it one day at a time. I love him with all of my heart but it is so challenging. I'm lucky I have a supportive dh he really helps out.

Honestly parenting is a world of ups and downs. The early years are a sea of manual labour and lovely cuddles and tantrums. Then you hit a sweet spot for a period where it gets easier and they are super cute and you think it will be like that forever . Then you get into exams and life becomes very boring as everything revolves around GCSEs and A-levels and you have no life as they need to study and you get zero privacy!

but we are all in the same boat! You can understand why people look forward to the grandparent years as you get all the upside and get to hand them back after!

Bed time is nigh!! Hang in there

Have you got any help at all ? It’s very hard work indeed .. my boys were 2 and half years gap ..
you need to reach out and let others know how you feel there is no shame in it .. we all getting like it if we are honest … my lads are in their 30s now and I was a depressed Mum … I told family and doc … its great you’ve opened up here … children are hard work when little but company when they’re older … I have grandchildren now and it’s bringing ot all back … don’t be too proud to get advice. .. Can anyone babysit for the night so you can catch up on your sleep ?

@Thoughtsonallsorts Re your question - “My question to all parents who have this view of parenting .
Are you envious of child free out of choice people? Would you have preferred to have taken this path?”

Honestly, yes, sometimes. I’ve been through many dark times with my kids, both didn’t sleep as babies/toddlers and one got very ill and needed emergency surgery. Many times during the night while rocking a screaming baby till my arms were sore I wished I’d not gone down this path as I didn’t feel strong enough for it. I do love them and love hugging them though.

Apart from working and parenting do you do anything that’s for you?

I have kept my pre-children hobby and as much as I don’t get as much time as I did to do this/definitely don’t have time for anything else in life apart from parent/work/hobby I have found keeping this going absolutely key to my happiness/enjoying being a parent. Without it if all I had was work and being a mum I think I’d find it harder to find joy in parenting.

can you take some time to go and do something you enjoy? Is your partner supportive?

As a parent of older teens, there is a brief window when they’re about 10 where you think you may have just fallen into your stride and can occasionally feel like parenting is manageable. Then they hit puberty, go to secondary school and it’s a relentless slog again but rather than been physically exhausting it’s now emotionally exhausting. I have questioned my life choices more times than I can remember. Love my kids but parenting is relentless.

Then if they are blessed to have children of their own & your family grows that first hold of your Grandchild is priceless 🥰