I realised too late I don’t like parenting

After reading the posts of how hard parenting is I felt I needed to post this.
When you first have children it’s all about the challenges of parenting, the struggles of a baby waking in the night, the toddler who won’t stay in their bed, the cost of childcare.
Having to take time off work to pick them up from school when they don’t feel well, helping them with homework, a messy house, the never ending laundry, the cost to buy school clothes, packing their lunches. You watch their eyes light up on Christmas morning and try to soak in the magic of those moments. You take them to sports practice and different after school events, rushing to get there on time, no matter how exhausting or expensive it becomes.

Life is just so busy that you don’t stop to think what the end of those days look like.
In fact, it’s not really even something you can wrap your mind around.
Suddenly the hours turn into days, days into months, and months into years.
That little person that used to crawl up next to you in bed and cuddle up to watch cartoons suddenly becomes this young adult who hugs you in the hallway as they come and go. The chaos and laughter that used to echo throughout your home gets replaced by silence and solitude.

So hold on as tight as you can, time passes so quickly and you'll ask yourself so many questions.

Did you teach them the right lessons?
Did you read them enough books as a child?
Spend enough time playing with them?
How many school parties did you miss?
Do they really know how much you love them? What could I have done better as a parent?

Parenting is by far the most amazing experience of your life that at times leaves you exhilarated & other times heartbroken.

But one thing is certain, it’s never enough time.💕

So for all the parents with young children who’s days are spent trying to figure out how to make it through the madness, exhausted day in and day out.

Soak. It. All. In.

Because one day all those crazy days full of cartoons, snuggles, sleep overs, Christmas morning magic, sport practice, dance classes, and late tea time - they all come to an end.

And you’re left hoping that you did enough, so that when they spread their wings -
they’ll fly...💕

Are you in a financial position to take the kids on holiday OP? Have a bit of a break from ‘mundane life’. You’ll still have to parent, obviously😂but a nice week in the sun, having your meals cooked for you and your beds made could be a nice time for all of you.

There's a great film with Olivia Coleman in. I can't recall ithe name.

She depicts adjusting to motherhood with difficulty and resentment brilliantly.' A crushing responsibility ' I think she says in the film when someone is fawning over the joy of beings a mum.

I will finally add I found the teething stage extremely difficult. Thankfully it's a stage that passes. I'd tell myself a child in pain is not a pain they just need help. Exhausting as it is we get them through it.

All the best to all the young mums out there. Your doing a great job. Hopefully when they grow up you will all be as proud of them as I am of mine. One of my children said recently he loved his childhood & being part of our family despite the ocasional troubles which nobody escapes. That's enough for me.

Thank you for talking about this. It has been taboo since time began.

I do understand that. I love the honesty of kids ( 5 and older). I love the honest conversations and being genuine and authentic before it's metaphorically battered out of them.

Most the time though, I actually do want drugs because it's a stressful pain in the arse and I just had no clue what was coming. The stress of the responsibility alone is overbearing before you get to any of the other day to day stuff.

No, I don't do drugs never have. I have a glass or two of wine at the weekend or nights out. You are right in assuming children have always been an important part of my life but not my whole personality. I absolutely love the company of children anyones children,especially when they start walking & talking. They just make me laugh. I'm interested in why you think that's so wrong or unusual. 🤔

Been there, done that. Beyond exhausting. What I think would have worked for me was knowing there would be a guaranteed time off. As a friend said at the time, “you may have to go out to get it”. I didn’t think I could go out (in retrospect, I was wrong). It was before mobile phones & I needed to be on call for my father. Now I go away with friends for 1 or 2 nights a few times a year (kids grown up, carer for spouse) It really helps, just knowing you don’t have to do anything.

I remember lying in the bed when I was woken very early and praying for the strength to get through the next 12 hours. My husband was travelling a lot and 3 under 6, it was very full on.
They were great kids but the lack of sleep nearly broke me.
I wasn't religious but it drove me to prayer😁

Are you on drugs?
i am in my 40ies with 2 young children, so no, I won’t be “lucky young gran” if I will be grandma at all.

is mother/grandmother your whole personality?

It's the shits right now OP with that age gap and the sleepless night slog, plus basically being burntout and just well...shit.. But hang in there. When baby turns 3 ish and the siblings start to 'play' you'll have a moment of briefly thinking how perfect thry are- before they start knocking seven bells out of each other again to remind you parenthood really is the little bits of joy, don't aim any higher than fed, alive , reasonably happy and your nailing it. ;)

I remember this feeling. When they woke before 7 I would despair and think I’ve got twelve hours of this. And the same tomorrow…. But it does get better. I hope you’re having help.

And one day you may be as lucky as this young gran,the beauty of having children in your 20s
🏃‍♀️💃🏊‍♀️👶👶

😬

for someone who “values diverse of opinions and experiences” you are spending a heck of a time here trying to argue with people having different opinions /experience than you

I am very glad you found age 5 amazing, grandma. I don’t.

I didn't like being a parent until my dc got to tweens. They are amazing now as older teens and lovely teenagers (so I must have done something right). The early years, I'd say until about 8 or 9 are really hard. As soon as they started secondary school it all started getting so much easier, to the extent I even started to feel like the old me.

It's like a conspiracy.

No one will say what they really feel because it's shameful and of course you don't want the child to ever learn that. So we all go along with this faux joy over pregnancy announcements, gender reveal, baby shower and many at some point are thinking ' you have no idea'. 🤣

Oh heck OP. Mine are a nightmare! 29 and 30! Can't afford to rent or buy. I'm actually plotting to run away and not tell them where I've bought. I've seen a lovely cottage in South Wales!

Perhaps in your world £15 isn't expensive.
In mine, it's far too much.

Great description ‘In the trenches’
It so is… time will pass in a blink of an eye and you will be knocking on bedroom doors to entice them out to share a movie with you. I do sympathise though , at those ages, parenting can be relentless.

Increase your patience and lower your expectations is great advice banded on the wise MN threads ❤️

Too cute, age 5 is amazing. They really start showing who is boss & it's usually not mum 😂

God my 5 year old keeps telling me she wants daddy, loves him more and makes faces at me. This morning I was met with a scowl, no “good morning” and a demand to fetch her toy (which I didn’t). She also regularly kicks off when cartoon is turned off, etc etc.

my baby is a delight but suspect she also might not be when she’s 5.

so yeah, today my view on joys of parenthood is pretty grim. I hear you!

We have small DC and my husband says “It was the best of times, it was the worse of times” about once a month 😂

We went through years of infertility and IVF to have our gorgeous children. And I find parenting extremely challenging relentless and exhausting!!

You are not BU OP xx

We had a nice day today, swimming, lunch, home to watch some TV together. Played. Then the nearly 2 year old's nose started to run. Another cold. And he really hates the first day of a new cold and wakes every 45/60 minutes crying and sitting up. So that's my night ahead... I wouldn't mind so much if he was sleeping through the rest of the time but he doesn't... So yeah... A nice start to the week