Page 5 | I realised too late I don’t like parenting

ThatCleverFawn · 2025-01-11T10:07:57+00:00

I’m sure I’ll be judged to beyond but gearing up the enthusiasm to do yet another day of it is destroying me.

Original poster

ThatCleverFawn · 13/01/2025 08:03

I don’t worry about mine but I’m sure it will come. However, worry and bone crushing exhaustion are not the same things.

OP posts:

HollyKnight · 13/01/2025 08:01

It doesn't get better or worse. It just gets different. Even when they eventually grow up and get out, I can't imagine ever not worrying about them.

Original poster

ThatCleverFawn · 13/01/2025 07:58

I’ll believe it when I see it. I don’t want to be flippant but I’ve seen this many a time on MN and always from parents of teens able to order their own takeaway who tell parents of toddlers it only gets worse.

OP posts:

Sassoon · 13/01/2025 07:48

ThatCleverFawn · 13/01/2025 02:07

Oh, I don’t regret having them. Even in very dark moments I can see the long view if you like and i know ultimately I wouldn’t want to be childfree. Just temporarily, just have a break from it all. As people have pointed out, it gets easier and the intensity subsides. That doesn’t make the immediate reality any easier but it also means not having children at all because of three to five very hard years wouldn’t make sense.

I love your optimism that it gets better - teenagers are much more difficult than toddlers 😂

Sassoon · 13/01/2025 07:45

Tittat50 · 12/01/2025 22:38

There's a great film with Olivia Coleman in. I can't recall ithe name.

She depicts adjusting to motherhood with difficulty and resentment brilliantly.' A crushing responsibility ' I think she says in the film when someone is fawning over the joy of beings a mum.

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The Lost Daughter. The novel is excellent.

ArabellaScott · 13/01/2025 07:38

ThatCleverFawn · 12/01/2025 20:52

I’ve had a number of bad nights with the toddler, and ideally yesterday would have been one of those days you beg grandparents to have the children for a day while you and your partner sleep, do some housework and recover a bit. But we don’t have that option. Yes, you can have those quiet TV days but I think most people with little children know that’s an ideal and not a reality.

So we wrap up and go out and yes it’s a sweet little day, they are fascinated by the ice on the pond and I teach my older one a bit about animals hibernating in winter and we agree we wish we could do the same and he has an ice cream even though it’s sub zero and my toddler toddles about. It’s still hard work though: toddler won’t go in pram, won’t be carried and helpfully won’t walk in the direction we’re going, four year old needs a wee at the worst possible moments. And just. So. Tired.

But things shift and change quickly and I know all parenting moments are fleeting.

Some practical suggestions:

Childcare swaps with other parents. These were a lifesaver for me.

Check your iron/ferritin/vitamin levels. Yes, you're not sleeping but worth also getting nutrition optimal if you can.

Lower your standards. Fuck the housework.

Yes it's hard when you don't have family to help out. All I can say is that I have a very close relationship with my children and I'd say its partly because of this.

Sounds like you're doing wonderfully, OP. Fist bump.

BrightLeader · 13/01/2025 06:41

Sorry to say but parenting is the hardest job but the most rewarding job in the world. I am saying this from the perspective of a 70 year old who is a parent of 4 a grandparent of 5 & a foster parent of over 20 young people. Whether they are 1 or 41 there are the good times & the not so good times. But when things go well it's all worth it.
Hang on in there.

Likelyteapot · 13/01/2025 06:08

You're not alone, my friend. I love my kids but really question my life choices sometimes. Things are getting better but tbh it's been years of hardship. I get through it with the help of wine, which is not ideal, but sometimes it's the only way I can get enjoyment from parenting days.

Original poster

ThatCleverFawn · 13/01/2025 02:07

Oh, I don’t regret having them. Even in very dark moments I can see the long view if you like and i know ultimately I wouldn’t want to be childfree. Just temporarily, just have a break from it all. As people have pointed out, it gets easier and the intensity subsides. That doesn’t make the immediate reality any easier but it also means not having children at all because of three to five very hard years wouldn’t make sense.

OP posts:

ByHardyAquaFox · 13/01/2025 01:37

Plopandflop · 13/01/2025 01:26

ThatCleverFawn · 11/01/2025 10:41
I think people do try to tell you but for me I thought it would be different, Christ knows why!

because we have all had that advice Op and those of us who have had kids chose to believe it would be different for us. Some it will have been different for them and some of us will have found it bloody hard word.

You have got to remember for every person telling you it was hard you prob had 2 people telling you it was all worth it- and Op it will be.

Edited

So basically you chose to ignore reality.
33% of the people is not to be trifled with. I mean, when talking about such a crucial life decision as whether to have children or not and you decide to obliterate from your mind the advice given by 33% of the people, then you are setting yourself for a rough patch.
You need to contemplate every scenario so if things don't go the way you were expecting at least you are mentally prepared.
But, yes, like you very clearly put said, people prefer to live in la la land. Until reality kicks them in their face.

Plopandflop · 13/01/2025 01:26

ThatCleverFawn · 11/01/2025 10:41
I think people do try to tell you but for me I thought it would be different, Christ knows why!

because we have all had that advice Op and those of us who have had kids chose to believe it would be different for us. Some it will have been different for them and some of us will have found it bloody hard word.

You have got to remember for every person telling you it was hard you prob had 2 people telling you it was all worth it- and Op it will be.

Plopandflop · 13/01/2025 01:23

ByHardyAquaFox

Well done, I am sure the op needed the obvious pointed out her Aquafox

Thoughtsonallsorts · 13/01/2025 01:19

Isittimeformynapyet · 13/01/2025 01:10

"my posts are the only posts here which have received a good few thumbs up."

Have you realised your error yet? Other posters might have many more likes than you but you'll never know - you can't see them.

How funny that you've been thinking you're the only one on the whole of Mumsnet who gets them 😄!

Edited to say this is to @Thoughtsonallsorts

Edited

I'm new here so I'm allowed the occasional mistake. Anyway I need to stop getting dragged into this. Ive always liked to stick up for myself & thats the way it will remain 🤣
When I'm in the wrong I apologise. In this instance I've been giving my opinions & experiences, take it or leave it. 👍

ByHardyAquaFox · 13/01/2025 01:18

ThatCleverFawn · 11/01/2025 10:41

I think people do try to tell you but for me I thought it would be different, Christ knows why!

People did warn you and you looked the other way. Big mistake.

Listening to advice, even if you don’t take it, is important because it helps you see things from different perspectives.

ByHardyAquaFox · 13/01/2025 01:12

You made your bed. Now you are going to have to lie in it.

Isittimeformynapyet · 13/01/2025 01:10

"my posts are the only posts here which have received a good few thumbs up."

Have you realised your error yet? Other posters might have many more likes than you but you'll never know - you can't see them.

How funny that you've been thinking you're the only one on the whole of Mumsnet who gets them 😄!

Edited to say this is to @Thoughtsonallsorts

Thoughtsonallsorts · 13/01/2025 00:58

Time flies,film over,off to bed. Hope you get the breaks you deserve. It's hard when you don't have the support of Grandparents. I honestly wish everyone had that privilege because it makes everything so much more copable with but it's not always meant to be.

Plopandflop · 13/01/2025 00:58

I could have written this op and I only had 1.

it’s gets massively better when they get a little older. I remember when DD was old enough to get out of bed and go down and grab the iPad or turn on the telly as entertain herself for a hour. It was pure heaven

Original poster

ThatCleverFawn · 13/01/2025 00:51

Thoughtsonallsorts · 13/01/2025 00:47

Interestingly before I sign out from this thread I've had another quick look, skimmed through it & noticed my posts are the only posts here which have received a good few thumbs up.🤔I'll take that as not everyone agrees my intended to help posts are tedious & dull. I'm sure you are an excellent mum but the negativity throughout the thread is what encouraged me to add a different slant on the subject.

As far as the Radfords are concerned I never intended it to be anything other than imagine what it would be like to cope with 22 (albeit through choice)not that anyone should wish to aspire to being that parent.

I wish you all the best on your parenting journey 😊

Edited

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Only you can see your own likes, it doesn’t mean they are the only posts that have received them.

You last claimed you were going to sign out from the thread four hours ago.

OP posts:

Thoughtsonallsorts · 13/01/2025 00:47

ThatCleverFawn · 12/01/2025 23:57

The fact that you seriously believe their attitudes are something to aspire to makes me think you’re not posting genuinely to be honest.

I barely know anything about them but I do know the relationships between them and the elder children have broken down. That’s a very, very damaged woman, not someone any of us should be trying to emulate.

That aside, no one is ‘shouting about how terrible their life is because they have a child.’

a) No one is shouting. Literally no one has used capitals. People are calmly talking.

b) no one is saying life is ‘terrible. They are saying it’s tiring and not always hugely enjoyable.

The ‘innocent children who did not ask to be born’ on this thread are without exception, loved, well cared for, all their needs met and given the opportunities to thrive. Unlike the Radfords children, I might add.

If you actually are done with the thread, good. Your posts have been tedious and dull.

Show quote history

Interestingly before I sign out from this thread I've had another quick look, skimmed through it & noticed my posts are the only posts here which have received a good few thumbs up.🤔I'll take that as not everyone agrees my intended to help posts are tedious & dull. I'm sure you are an excellent mum but the negativity throughout the thread is what encouraged me to add a different slant on the subject.

As far as the Radfords are concerned I never intended it to be anything other than imagine what it would be like to cope with 22 (albeit through choice)not that anyone should wish to aspire to being that parent.

I wish you all the best on your parenting journey 😊

Original poster

ThatCleverFawn · 13/01/2025 00:33

main income is their pie company of course

Look, I don’t want to sound horrible but you must be mad if you believe that. Pre (dubious) fame, the main income was state benefits. Now it is content based and the content is their children. They really are in no way at all parents I aspire to, not even slightly. I judge them because I don’t like what they do and because they were brought up here by another poster as parents I should apparently want to be like which elicits snorts from me. They are the last parents I’d emulate myself on. Like I say, that’s a very damaged woman, not someone I want to model myself on at all!

OP posts:

vickylou78 · 13/01/2025 00:30

Why judge another family though?

vickylou78 · 13/01/2025 00:29

They do make money from the media but I guess they are taking the opportunities they are given. Main income is their pie company of course.
Never heard anything about locking children in bedrooms!

Original poster

ThatCleverFawn · 13/01/2025 00:26

As I say, I only know the bare minimum about them. I do know they make their money through content about their numerous children though which isn’t something I personally aspire to. Oh, and I also didn’t start my family at 14 with an older teen and I don’t lock my children in their bedrooms overnight, if that helps as a starter for ten so to speak.

OP posts:

vickylou78 · 13/01/2025 00:24

Hey Op why are you slagging the Radford family?? I've watched their programme and followed them on you tube for several years and they are great parents. The kids all seem to adore them (including older ones). What are you on about?