I realised too late I don’t like parenting

@MirandaJH read the room.

It's much safer to own ones truth and reality and then it stops it seeping through ( which it will) in other ways through behaviour and feelings.

If my child asked me if I liked being a mum I'd say sometimes I don't love. I love you though.

It's very healthy to own these feelings which are incredibly common and they are absolutely ok. Yes, horrifying that. It's absolutely ok.

So kind and empathetic.

This makes me so sad for your kids. I really hope they never pick up on this but they likely will. My parents made it very clear to me that I was the accident they never wanted.
Why did you have another if you didn’t like it the first time round?
I absolutely LOVE being a mum and both me and my baby nearly died at 24 weeks. He was premature and awaiting surgery for something that could kill him if left untreated.
You should be more grateful, how awful would you feel if they died tomorrow?

Hi OP , the early days are so hard and relentless but it does get easier. And the teen years are tough too but it's not as full on and you get your own time back. Ignore the poster who seems to be pushing her own insecurities on you. I'm not pranking you when I say you are doing the most important worthwhile hardest job in the world.

Agree and when you are a single parent you do all that by yourself. I have never known such tiredness and stress, the money worries, the endlessness of everything. if my mum hadn't been around to help out by having my child to stay over for a few days (another city so not often possible ) I think I would have lost my mind at times. God only knows how parents with no other support cope.

Oh mate, yep parenting is boring and tedious and work is also boring and tedious. Truthfully though I ended up seeing work as at least a break from being mum. I could wee alone and also have a cup of tea in peace. It really isn't forever, ignore those that either claim to always love it (they don't) or try to discount your feelings with count your blessings commentary. It says more about them than you.

If you are able, I highly recommend a night or two away with friends or your partner once or twice a year. Getting to not be a parent for a couple of nights does amazing things!

If it’s any help, I much prefer having teens toddlers. Yes, they can often be hard work and it’s emotionally a roller coaster at times but they are (for the most part) decent, somewhat reasonable humans, and they are often on their own so it’s generally less relentless! Also they are much more interesting and have interests that are … well … interesting!

Also getting to see them turn into decent human beings at the end of the teen years does go some way towards making you think it was worth it. Though that’s all part of the big con I think - you need to be careful to remember that although you’re on balance content with it all, there was some of it that was genuinely awful, or you end up like certain grans on this thread!

I used to feel like this. I now have an adult DD aged 24 who was a complete mare up until 6. It took until she was 9 to get over the trauma and then I had another 2 DDs in quick succession. Now they are older, less demanding and you can have great conversations and a laugh, I’m finally enjoying parenting. Hold onto that thought, it does get easier.

My advice is put them in nursery for one day a week so you can BREATHE.. The cost is high, but for me it was worth it to keep sane.
My husband once said parenting is 10% joy and 90% shit !!!!! 😂

A HV once said to me ‘have you met a teenager that doesn’t sleep!’ And how right they were. Teenagers love their beds and their space so you will get there. I didn’t love parenting either. It gets easier.

Sleep deprivation makes everything so very hard.

Sleep improves as children get older. You will get there!

Day at a time.

Also please remember that it's January, and everything tends to seem doubly bloody awful in January.

Snowdrops are on their way.

It doesn't get easier for most. If you have a wonderfully calm, compliant teenager then that's different. But if you add in extra issues like ADHD ( no fault of the poor kids suffering in a society like ours) - you are dealing with stress and worry and daily problems magnified by ten that you just couldn't imagine.

So it's a big conspiracy that is perpetuated because it feels so wrong to talk the way we are on here.
I'm actually surprised so many people are being authentic on here. Most people live in denial.

And life absolutely is not only worthwhile with children. I know people may feel that in their life but I feel this is very much social conditioning since birth.

Another empathy bypass.

@Rockchick76 - do you think it is helpful or kind to invalidate the OP’s very real feelings? Might it not be more helpful to give her the encouragement without the associated guilt-tripping?

This is me. Inside my soul exhausted 🫠 I’ve never known anything as intense as this!

OP I have a nearly 4 yr old and a 1 year old. I’m (!!!) exhausted.
Inside my soul exhausted.
Overwhelm is a real emotion and almost torturous.

I knew it would be hard but really no one can prepare you for it. And I would never want to be childless anyway, so it’s just one of those things. So God speed for the next 3-4 years. I am hopeful it gets less exhausting too. This thread has helped. Ignore the unhelpful posters

Of course they are.

Physically, those early years are relentlessly demanding.

Of course there are challenges as they get older, but there are also compensations. They are growing into people who can and should be helping out, they can and often are great company, they are increasingly independent.

I love small kids, but parenting at that stage is overwhelming.

Whoever told you it gets easier then they reach teenage years they were trying to pull a bad taste prank on you. Just look at the news: knife crime, gangs, drugs, child grooming, rapes...

Yes OP I’m sorry but you are BU. You have 2 healthy children. The sleepless nights will pass.

I don't think that parents actually dislike parenting...i think it's the fact that they have to do so much stuff in addition to the actual parenting....laundry, cooking, shopping, cleaning, ironing ,working an actual job, home maintenance, paying bills, admin etc. Parenting would really be much easier without having to do all this stuff.

I have never understood why people say that, as a mother of three teens (and a toddler) the teens are infinitely easier. Or they are to me at least. If it's the intensity of toddlers needing you for every single thing that you struggle with then teens are massively easier. Yes you have different worries but at least you can shower, shit and eat in peace.

I couldn’t have children but don’t think my life is not worthwhile because of it. Would have topped myself long ago if I thought like that.

For me it was because I felt parenting two would be easier than 1.My firstborn was very intense and when it was just him and us, he needed more than we could give. I knew he'd be much better off with a sibling to play with. He was even quite good with "helping" with baby when they were too young to play. And he adores "teaching" his sibling things.

You're having a bad time & struggling. Lack of sleep wont be helping the way you feel as everything seems much worse & harder when you're tired. Try & get some 'Me' time if you can so you can recharge your batteries. Do you have a partner or parents that can take the kids for a day/night to give you a break. It can be overwhelming having 2 little humans rely on you for everything.
It doesn't get any easier as they get older but you just have to parent different to when they are little so hang in there, you'll get through it. You'd miss your kids if they weren't there I bet. Once the youngest is a bit older & sleeping through hopefully you'll start enjoying parenting.

As @HollyKnight says, it is different when they get to the teenage years, @ThatCleverFawn. You get a full night's sleep, and even a lie-in at the weekends, and can finish a cup of coffee while it is still hot! Yes, there are still difficult bits, and there were times when my dses were teens when I wasn't sure we would all make it to their 20s unscathed - but we did.

Apparently, during adolescence, the teenage brain is actually rewiring - changes are taking place in the structure - and while this happens, they can lose certain abilities - impulse control, temper control, sense of proportion and not seeing themselves as the centre of the universe, for example. The writer Charlie Taylor (author of Divas and Doorslammers) describes it as almost a form of temporary brain damage - but the key word is temporary, and it does settle down as the changes bed in, and these abilities return. The teen who was slamming doors and yelling at mum becomes, almost overnight, one who does his homework without being nagged, tidies his room voluntarily and gives mum an unsolicited hug - I nearly fainted!

And having boys, my house was full of their teenage friends - boys all taller than me, and all very sweet, polite and fun to be around.

I think you ptobably forget the bone crushing wearinesss of not having a second to yourself while having repeated broken nights sleep. Can you and your husband take full charge of both children for the odd day at weekends so you can reset? That would have helped me. Unfortunately mine was a aelfish fucker and refused but hopefully yours is better!