I realised too late I don’t like parenting

It’s not a competition. People can be sad about the same thing for different reasons and both reasons are valid

I get children can be tiring. That is true. But all experiences pass.
My brother and his wife were so negative when they had small kids. They used to say, 'oh you'll see how hard it is when you have kids'. So they put me off having kids for a few years with my husband. I really have regretted this, and listening to them.
Since then, I have had two beautiful girls, who are amazing, and obv demanding. But I struggled to have my second child for 3 years. I'm currently going through fertility treatment to have another child, that I really would love.

Cherish these times, and think of how lucky you are. I love every single moment with my now 2.5 yo, as it could be the last time I have a toddler.
Think of people who can't have children, and people put off, by others experiences, which completely differ to mine. Not everyone has the same experience.

There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture…

You will want to put them in the bin at some points. Wearing earphones and listening to good tunes or podcast will help when you have to jiggle them as they cry.

Sorry but 🙄🙄🙄 there's something a bit sad/odd when people who don't have children make a point of opening and reading threads where the op is struggling with parenting just to add comments like this.

Really feel for you OP. It’s relentless at that age. Dr Steve Peters says in one his books (can’t remember which one) never underestimate the mental energy it takes to look after a young child. I don’t think anything has ever resonated with me more. Also if work is not great it sounds like that will also be draining your mental energy.

it does get better in time. You get different problems as they get older. But you get to have a hot cup of tea while you worry about them.

Somebody once said to me "I would die for my child but I find living with then so hard" and that really stuck in my head. Another thing that resonates with me is that some children are just easier than others, I have two nieces and one is just the dream child, sweet natured, easy going but not passive, sleeps well, enjoys her food, reads and plays independently, while the other is the opposite. It can feel like a lucky dip, you just have to roll with what you get! Of course boundaries and consistency matter but some are more challenging than others and a dream baby can become a full on toddler and vice versa. Then of course there are the teen years...

Why is good parenting codswallop?

I find myself frequently envious of people who don't have kids or responsibilities, the freedom to make choices for themselves. Parenting young kids is just so relentless. Despite that, I love my life and would murder for my children. Sounds like maybe you need a break, do you think a night or two away might help? Check in to a spa or something?

Give me and others strength having to read this codswallop.

Being a parent is not easy but you have to suck it up. Once the kids are there you need to be there for them. Simple as. Today's world is full of lightweights and complainers. It is the kids I feel sorry for. WTF is wrong with people? Grow up.

@Kikili Sorry but we’ll have to agree to disagree. I am a good parent, I’m sure the OP and others on this thread are good parents. You can be a good parent with boundaries in place and still find parenting very hard work and unejoyable to the max. And again, there is nothing like having a second child to make you realise that anything your first child does well was probably just fluke rather than good parenting. Obviously there are some bad parents out there and some people who have no boundaries, but I think most people are just trying their best and if they’re struggling that’s not through anything they have done or could have done differently.

I have several friends who are single mums of 1 , and they do not enjoy spending time with their kids mainly because they never set any boundaries so their children are out of control..so from my experience, good parenting is definitely something that is a game changer, wether you have one of a few kids. Provided the children do not have any conditions etc of course...

@Trainors this sounds like a dream and gives me hope! Not the OP but very similar circumstances

I’m really sorry to hear that but I honestly don’t think it’s comparable to having two children - that’s not to say it’s not an incredibly difficult situation in it’s own right (and of course more so in many ways!) but honestly the fact you enjoy time with your four year old is separate to this and not something that is a result of good parenting, which I felt like your post implies.

If I try to play with my four year old, my one year old will destroy it whatever we are playing with. Or I will only give the four year old half of my attention because I’m trying to make sure my one year old doesn’t do something dangerous, or because he quite rightly wants my attention too. This results in my four year old acting out, which results in me getting over stimulated and angry. I also cannot rest even while the four year old watches tv because that’s when I want to have some one on one time with my youngest.

Again I’m really sorry for your situation but I don’t think it helps the OP to point out your 4yo is ok because of the behaviour you’ve instilled with them when you have completely different situations.

I have a similar age gap but I’m 2 years ahead of you. My saving graces are that they are both the same gender and like doing similar things now. They also love a slob day at home where they play with their toys, draw and watch TV. We don’t do it more than once a month or so but it gives me an ‘out’ for a day without needing childcare. I couldn’t have done that when the little one was 1. It gets better!

Did you know that when flamingos 🦩 have babies and raising their young they literally lose their colour (the bright pink) and become more dull due to the sheer stress of keeping the offspring alive.

Once the babies are older and I imagine annoying the mum flamingos less, the colour returns.

You're in the worst phase op but my god does it get better.

Get a job so u rnt at home all the time.

Every stage is different and also there is an important distinction between “parenting” and “childcare” - the day to day minutiae of chores, appointments, repetitive mealtimes, lack of sleep. OP is not talking about a lack of a bond, regretting them, not loving them etc which is what to me the being a parent bit is. And some people very much do feel that way but for most of us it is the daily grind. In my case I found teen years - I have two older teens now - by far the hardest, you can control things to a much greater degree with younger children, and “solve” many more of their problems. Both my children are ND and teen years presented a different dimension to that. So I think the OP is completely normal, and this is why so many people are saying that it gets easier once you get past those early days and into the primary / pre teen bit - less of the childcare chores, more of the parenting activities.

Yes - two is many times the work of one!

Thank god the happy clappy family ads are now over post Christmas. I would say most of us have our moments even when children are adults and have their own kids. Childminding days over no longer needed forgotten useless

Given their ages, and the combo of ages, it’s not surprising! Absolutely exhausting no matter how much you love them.

Have skimmed the thread, it sounds like your job is part of the issue as you just don’t have the energy left for your kids. Could you change to something else even part time?

I’m sorry if I’ve missed in the skim (and there seem to be some argumentative posters derailing) are you in a marriage/ relationship where the other person could be doing more?

I also sometimes think I wasn’t cut out for parenting but I wouldn’t change having my lovely kids for any amount of freedom and rest. However, they’re 16 and 10 now so very different!

I do not but I have a parent with a terminal illness that warrants looking after at all times & Im an insomniac so lack of sleep is a problem for me too. Good luck