I realised too late I don’t like parenting

@ThatCleverFawn it would but you still have 2 young aged children in a high needs stage, it doesn't feel double the work when they're older, honestly.

Same, op. Mine are 4.5 and nearly 2. My eldest is easy but going through a very clingy stage at the moment. My youngest still sleeps shit and whilst I love them dearly and do find fun moments, it's bloody hard and I need regular breaks or else I feel myself getting very low

@MaggieBsBoat I'm quite surprised that if you found parenting as difficult as you have that you declare it hard until 9/10 that you opted to start over again having already spent 20 years parenting?!

That's a very tough stage, OP. Exhaustion, especially juggling work too, is so debilitating. Get as much rest/time for yourself as humanly possible, whoever you get help from. I promise it'll get easier but you're far from alone. X

Genuine question. Why does anyone have more than 1 child, if they’ve realised parenting isn’t for them?

Because I knew it was the 0-3 parenting stage I didn't like and that that was temporary. I knew in the longer term I wanted 2 children. And I was right. I'm sure OP is similar too, she's still in the trenches but likely has a long term vision of her family.

OP you are right in the trenches at those ages

I remember my mother saying they are lovely when they are in bed ! Little angels but exhausting during the day . Especially in winter, I remember doing a lot of lying down reading books with them in the afternoons - to try and rest a bit .
Honest parents will admit is frequently hard work

@ThatCleverFawn ah that's really hard. Obviously with parenting you'll have to bide your time as they mature, but the job is more within your control, could you look for a different job? I appreciate that's not easy with a 1 year old especially if recently back from maternity, but perhaps as aspiration for 2025?

The trick is to get them all above the age of three without giving in to the temptation to have another one.

@ThatCleverFawn Mine have moved from combative to coop mode, they're playing a lot together by themselves now, so we're finally getting a chance to start properly getting on top of our home and actually having some sitting down time. It all helps.

Genuine question. Why does anyone have more than 1 child, if they’ve realised parenting isn’t for them?

I love my DD but I don’t like parenting either.

I think I was born to have no responsibilities and just work and travel.

I even struggle with romantic relationships and stay single because I like my freedom too much.

But you can find joy in parenting.

Your kids are still young but once they get older you can do more fun things with them and you’ll get more of your independence back.

Do you work?
I find having my own identity in my career is really helpful.

Do you have a social life or hobbies away from your kids?

I’ve been a parent for nearly 30 years and my youngest is 9. Honestly for me it doesn’t get ok until they are at least 9/10 or so. Young children suck. It’s a hard treadmill sprint interspersed with moments where you can stop for a quick drink of water (those moments of joy people talk about). And they are just moments. Parenting is basically drudgery in my experience.
I adore my kids. They know I love them, I tell them constantly. But parenting is not great. It’s marketed as such otherwise most wouldn’t do it. Now the truth is coming out and the birth rate is dropping. What a surprise!

Literally crap ages.

5-10 is a lovely time

Teens are awful but different awful.

Mine are almost 6 and almost 3, and the last few months things have changed massively. They're now very enjoyable to be around, good company (for the most part, they still whine and neither sleeps through or alone yet...). But there is a light in the distance. I couldn't have imagined it being so much nicer and more manageable even 6 months ago.

I don't like a lot of parenting either OP and I have one super easy 8yro.

I've surprised myself by not liking the doing bits very much - school run, homework, snacks / meals, dentist trips

I do like her though and there is a light at the end of the tunnel when they are a bit more independent and still fun and into being with you. Also - long game - it will be great to have adult DC I think.

@merediththethird god yes that's a good point, age is one thing, but the time of the year is a factor too!!

Does anyone enjoy parenting kids of this age in January?

I’m half joking but seriously OP, this shit is hard. You’re doing amazingly from the trenches. Things will only get betterrrrr…

But my point is, you are not alone x All mums feel like shit and if they tell you they don’t they’re most likely on antidepressants

I have only just started feeling more positive about parenting and my youngest turned 6 in December. I say only just - I still find it hard and relentless but nothing like the horror of the pre-school years. When they go to school it’s a game changer. Don’t get me wrong - little ones are super sweet but they are a tough gig and you do lose yourself in the exhausting early stages. But it does……….eventually, pass. Not all at once mins - bit by bit and then you start getting snippets of your life back.

The reason no-one tells you how hard parenting is, is because they worry they might put you off with the unvarnished truth. I realise that now with hindsight.

Yes a lot of it is a long hard slog. Endless cooking, cleaning, shopping, school runs, juggling work and home or days at home occupying your kids, nappies, feeding, after-school clubs, holiday clubs. We need to be more honest about this. Parenting is hard work. People should have had opportunity to find out more about the realities of parenting.

It's much easier with a supportive partner, adequate housing and surplus money.

Some phases are harder than others.

If you are down all the time though, see your GP about depression.