I realised too late I don’t like parenting

There is light at the end of the tunnel, and it does get easier. I know it's hard to see that at the moment, but any parent will tell you the same. The baby/toddler/pre-school age is hard! Once they start school, life becomes easier.

We once took ours (2 year age gap) camping for a few weeks in France and did lots of activities. Before the end of the preschool and school holidays on a day out they found a boulder. Climbing up and jumping down from it was far more fun than their time in France. They spent all afternoon doing this.
The simplest things give solutions. Now we have lots of throws and save cardboard boxes for our DGC to make dens.
Grab a throw, box or a DGP.
On a serious note, at this age the days are very long but the years short. Lack of sleep is a killer. You’ll get through it. x

@Sasskitty

Genuine question. Why does anyone have more than 1 child, if they’ve realised parenting isn’t for them?

Because it’s the temporary sacrifice you make to put another person round the table and complete your family. If you envision a slightly bigger family that is.

Can I just say that IKEA offers a free service to watch your kids while you shop, they have a soft play and toys etc. Peace for an hour while you sip on free mid-week coffee.

Swimming was a nightmare at times but god it was a lifesaver for me.... there was a creche at the pool so I'd swim the kids, put them in the creche, have a swim myself for an hour and a half (unless I got pulled out because one wouldn't settle) then feed them and have a coffee, and go home where they would both sleep well.

I remember seeing a mum one evening take her kids swimming, then off to the change room, they all returned in their pjs and dressing gowns, and she served them spaghetti in tupperware and I imagine brushed their teeth back in the change room then drove them to sleep on the way home... brilliant.

I can't really go back to that leisure centre now though, it's too triggering!

Things that people say are so much fun with pre-school kids but really aren't, in my experience:

• Beach walks
• Crafts
• Baking/cooking
• Gardening/growing flowers from seeds etc
• 'Science' experiments

Things that are fun, again in my own experience:

• Cuddles
• Short forest walks
• Library groups, coffee mornings etc (ok not 'fun' but not unbearable)

Somewhere in the middle:

• Visiting other friends with kids
• Soft play
• Zoo
• Play parks

I think it all wildly depends.

With my oldest I struggled most in the baby stage, he became so easy around 2-3+ and we where friends going out on day trips together etc... at around 8 started to develop a slight attitude where he didn't want to hang out with mam anymore. Hes a teen and apart from responding to questions in grunts hes no bother at all really. keeps to him self (will literally just chill alone), quite, does well in school.

My middle child I loved the baby stage, we where out doing family things all the time and he was the perfect happy/cheeky baby. I thought he is so perfect and easy I should have another, in fact hes so easy I could have a dozen just like him I though. As soon as my youngest was born a light switch flicked in my middle. Hes now constant hard work who always demands to be the center of all the attention (people keep saying middle child syndrome but really since day 1 at just 2 year old? because its been since the day we got home from hospital). Its so utterly draining and hardwork. He is the reason we can't go anywhere or do nice things anymore.

My youngest is 3 now and my best friend, she no bother at all. We do everything together and shes just so chilled for me (not for DH though), she will curl up in a ball on my lap and we will just sit and read together etc.. for hours. No bother in the slightest.

It's only very recently parenting has been presented as some kind of lifestyle choice, like a hobby which includes certain specific activities.

The demands on modern mothers are far greater than any previous generation.

All that was previously demanded was just not neglecting them.

Feed them, clothe them, bathe them, bed them, send them to school. That was it.

So don't berate yourself for rejecting the commercially pushed idea of 'ideal' parenting.

It's been done for 20 years and has resulted in a generation of young people with poor mental & physical health who lack most basic independent living skills.

Stick to the basics & don't sweat the small stuff.

To be fair that is pretty cheap.

Not all pools require one adult per child. My local pool is one adult per two children under 8.

Hang in there. Parenting young children is relentless and not 'fun' even if you love them to bits. I found solace in going to activity groups and meeting other parents. CBeebies. When they were old enough, soft play and I'd keep earbuds in listening to nice music.

It does get easier OP and you aren't alone in this feeling!

I was the first one of my friends to be a mum and I absolutely love it (I have 4, if i was able to id have had 4 more 😂) but I also think my brutal honesty is reason lots of my pals chose to be child free.
I think parents aren't honest enough, being a patent is having no room to have selfish little joys such as choosing how you spend Saturdays, if you get joy from shopping, brunches, dinner out nice places and generally living a life you can do as you please, then I'd implore anyone to consider that you're not just giving up your freedom to do so, you're trading it for soft play, baby groups, you're swapping wonderful restaurants for the hungry horse, beach days aren't relaxing, you're constantly watching your children in the sea etc
Even holidays are focused around your children.
I know people say kids can fit around them but for me I've never managed that, I've had to mould myself around them.
Of course we love our dc and lots of people wouldn't change them, but there are so many parents who don't enjoy parenting. I think we should all be more honest. I don't know why we expect people who aren't sure if they want dc to to suddenly change when they're here. Many do, we see that, but many don't. But even those ones, when they're not in the trenches go on to enjoy parenting older children and find joy in later stages x

I spent thousands on nursery. Then they went to school, it was easier by then.

Swimmings not cheap, and at my local pool two adults are required to take two kids that age, at a cost of approx £7-8 each.

My advice would be to get them dressed before going downstairs and to get out of the house asap with them - they come home tired and more settled while you potter and feel glad you got out in the fresh air.

Always worked for me when I did it this way.

It can be lonely and boring at times but always pockets of joy. Take care

Me too. You’re not alone.

Someone said “take them swimming, it’ll tire them out” upthread. Couldn’t think of anything worse. The screaming and whooping with the acoustics that feels like it is inside your head. The constant need to be on high alert to stop 2 young children who can’t yet swim from drowning. Dealing with getting everyone changed twice, dried, swim nappies, bags, so much stuff. The inevitable whining and blue lipped teeth chattering, while trying not to step on 2 children when changing in a cubicle the size of a phone box. And that’s if no one slips and falls. Having one pair of hands when you need three. <shudder>

OP, it gets so much easier but these days are tough.

People always used to comment to me how great I was for always being out with my kids and taking them to lots of groups. I can’t take much credit for it as it was for me as much as them and really saved my sanity; meeting people, talking about other things, being in the same boat, knowing that there were other collective eyes and ears on the kids. My advice is only to get out as much as possible, bonus also is then that they’re stimulated and entertained and tired! Get a slow cooker, Chuck stuff in it, take them out, come back and serve them up food from said slow cooker. Remove some of the drudgery and I think you will find more moments of genuine enjoyment.

Hang on in there OP it will get better.

My kid is 10 weeks old and I already feel like this, so you’re not alone! She takes forever to get to sleep at night, so we’re up until at least 1am, or worst case scenario 3am, most nights. My battery is properly empty, and I am really in the trenches. I fully sympathise with you. It’s such a hard thing to do, raising kids. Social media doesn’t help, when these so called “Mummy Influencers” have babies that “sleep through the night”, and their houses don’t look like a bomb just hit it. Sending you lots of love.

It’ll get better OP. Mine are nearly adults now and I’d happily never interact with a child under 7 again!
I found little kids total drudgery, and we had money for hiring the village - cleaner/childcare etc.
Ive found the teenage years a breeze - everyone can put their own damn shoes on for a start!

You need to always be looking, don't quit before you've started. If somewhere really wants you they'll compromise. Don't be the one doing the compromising. You could very well end up with a job you like more that pays more and is just as flexible, it's not out of the realms of possibility.

This was it for me too. And I had a relatively small age gap because I knew once I got one through the baby and toddler stage I wouldn't want to go back. We knew it would be a tough few years, and we were right, but it was worth it.

And my eldest slept through for about a week and I got notions.

Is their father around?

Or a lot of wine

I like babies, otherwise having dc is just hard work and financially crippling.
Having dgc is much nicer.