I realised too late I don’t like parenting

The op beating herself up doesn’t achieve anything for women who want but can’t have children ffs.

It may not be expensive to you, but it is to me and not something I could afford on a regular basis. Our local pool is about £18 for an adult and two children. If you don't have the money, then it is not an option. I used to look for any park that had free parking (still do tbf).

And yes op, parenting is a slog and I didn't know exactly how it would feel until I was in the middle of it. They do get older and more independent, and you do eventually get more sleep that helps.

How does this help?

It’s the equivalent of my childhood of being told there are children starving in Africa when I couldn’t swallow some rank thing like grilled liver.

Parenting little ones is wonderful when you have got out of the trenches and are looking at it from the rear view mirror! I was nearly delirious from lack of sleep. Then well meaning idiots friends tell you you will miss these years, which makes you feel guilty and also sad.
One day you will get a full night's sleep, they will get themselves breakfast and you can enjoy spending time with them.

So you are a reluctant parent yet you love your children. When you are having a bad day think of how you would feel if you lost them through illness or an accident. I guarantee you would give your right arm & more to have them back with you & all it entails.Count your blessings.There are heartbroken women who have desperately tried to have a baby & failed. They would give anything to be in your position.

Also the proud owner of a 4 year old and a 1 year old. I’m right with you OP. On their own they are mostly fine and easy. My 1 year old is just delightful and cheery by nature, albeit really high energy and a risk taker. The 4 year old is stroppy and highly strung by nature but easy to manage 1 on 1 with an adult. They are very different people but I’m confident meeting their needs individually.

Parenting them together solo is hell on earth. I absolutely hate it and struggle to not shout and scream. My DH does a lot more solo parenting than I do (I’m a shift worker). He’s usually so calm and unflappable but even he is finding them so overwhelming at the moment. It was genuinely easier when DC2 was a baby, which I never thought I’d say as a none baby person.

My SIL tells me it eases significantly at 6 and 3. I’m clinging on to that.

I agree at those ages it can be tough but there should be highs as well as lows. My youngest turned 14 this week and I can't help but be a little sad how fast they really do grow up. Hopefully it'll get a little easier for you x

@ThatCleverFawn - as other posters have said, parenting is a hard, hard slog, and there is nothing wrong with feeling burnt out or exhausted with it all.

Is there anyone who could look after the children for you, for a few hours, so you could go out for coffee, cake and some alone time?

I have a 4 year old and a 3 month old. It's relentless. It will pass though. I can't leave my baby in a crib to nap as he won't nap aline during the day. Thankfully he sleeps ok at night but I can't get anything done during the day

You sound tired. Long-term sleep deprivation sucks the joy from life. This needs fixing.

Partner/family need to help out more
TV/screen-time/alcohol/socialising/housework/cooking/complicated beauty routines need to be reduced
learn to take naps
Partner and you take turns to lie in/catch up on sleep at the weekends

If you do not get out of the doldrums your small children will be severely affected and they are your first obligation. So if you cannot fix this yourself, make an appt. with GP.

If you had a break. Then regular breaks thereafter to be you. Help. Proper help. A job you liked and less financial stress would you still ‘hate’ parenting? Might be your current hamster wheel that’s part of the problem rather than being a parent in general if the answer is no.
Can be relentless running on empty all the time. If you can take small steps to get the infrastructure in place you need that could help. Suffice to say too you are not alone.

If your children are 4 and 1 and you’re hating it then the only fair judgement I can think of is … “Completely normal.”

Thankfully they won’t always be 4 and 1. It should get easier, at the latest when the smaller one starts nursery or school.

I had my 2 children when i was young wouldnt change it for the world.
If i had to do it all again now at 38 i would not cope as and it would be a flat out nope.
My sister is 42 with a 2 year old and in the mits of peri and its all taken a toll on her her eldest child is in his 20s i dont know why she wanted to go back to that stage again even she said she wished she didnt.
I think every parent finds it hard and some days harder but it gets better it really does.

It's horrible OP and I remember those days. I had two non-sleeping children and the only thing that kept me going was that I wouldn't still be waking up every 2-3hrs when they were older. It is true, that they do finally grow up and it does get easier.

I'm not the most natural parent either, so when they started school was the best bit. I found a school with great wraparound care and enjoyed heading back to work full time. It was the very best thing for me.

You'll get there OP, just do what you need to do to get through the day. My youngest ended up in the playpen with the TV on so I could nap on the sofa in the afternoon as I was just so knackered from limited sleep.

I know exactly what you mean about looking forward to the next stage in life. DD went to uni last year and for a few days I was heartbroken. But suddenly a few days after she left I realised how much easier my life is with one less. 😂

They are pretty self sufficient but I can't wait for DS to finish college next year so we have an end to school stuff. I often feel done with parenting now.

It’s really tough with two when they’re that age. I had plenty of days where I felt like that. It does get better, especially when they start school. Hugs OP. Don’t beat yourself up.

Yes this time of year has made things infinitely harder with a toddler. I complained about this on the January is crap thread too. I suspect it will feel a little easier in Spring @ThatCleverFawn

Eh that absolutely depends on your pool, doesn't it. Our leisure centre has family swimming available three times a day, plus the under 5s pool open for a few hours each day, too. It costs £4.50 each if you're not a member.

But taking two kids swimming on your own is not for the faint hearted.

OP are you the one who posted before about dreading spending 2 weeks with your children over Christmas?

Only thing that really helps me is going outside! Which is fine when the weather is good!
It's -5 at the moment so that's painful for all involved!!!

We're out in -6 at the moment! It's a necessity with a toddler 😅 We're all wrapped in thermals and the toddlers are in padded snowsuits, gloves, scarfs and hats, and although the gloves keep coming off, they're happy and warm enough.

But my point is, you are not alone x All mums feel like shit and if they tell you they don’t they’re most likely on antidepressants

I'm not sure that's helpful, though... Lots of mums struggle and it's good to not feel alone, but it's also equally unhelpful to just accept this as life, and not try to make changes that you can make to make it better. I guess there's a chance that nothing will work for some people, but they'd be a minority.

I don't feel like shit. I'm not on wine or antidepressants. I have rough days and struggle sometimes, of course, I'm a lot more tired than I'd like to be and I often wonder if I'm actually losing my mind, but overall I'm glad that I have my kids, and I wouldn't say that I feel like shit more than 20% of the time. It's all so changeable.

It gets better.

Mine are 17 and 19 now.

I didn't like the under 5' stage. Just relentless.

Better when one was in school. Even better when it was both.

Way better when they were both 7 and above.

My favourite has been the teen years as we have gradually got our lives back. I have also been lucky so far that no big teen dramas to contend with.

No judgement here, it was a long time ago for me but I remember how hard it is. Mine were similar age gap and it felt like forever. One is so much easier, definitely! Keep going, and go easy on yourself.

My son is nearly 18 and I feel like I’ve been in the parenting stage of my life for about 500 years!

I liked year 1 then from there to 3 was exhausting. From 3 to 12 mostly a relative pleasure bar missing freedom sometimes. 13 onwards I love much of who he is and how funny or wise he can be but god I’m sick of battling to get him out of bed and to school/college and worrying whether he’s going to survive in this frankly rather crap era.

I love him and it’s great to have him and look forward to having him in my life as an adult but it is a bloody hard and long job and I’ve been at breaking point many times along the way. I feel like I’ve run out of steam now and am very ready for the next stage of my life. (Also worried im going to get flamed).

The blissful time of parenting is when the youngest has reached school age.
I had to work hard to cope with the early years and then psych. myself up to get through some of the teenage years.
When the youngest reached sixteen it was again joyful most days.

My Children are a lot older, still need me for things like lifts to work and sorting things out for them quite a bit as they’re neurodiverse but there was a point where I genuinely thought what the fuck have I done. We’re in a relatively easy and nice stage at the moment so I can look back at them times and think thank god we got through that but there were definitely some hard and dark days/weeks/months. I love them beyond anything I ever thought imaginable but my gosh parenting has had its shite moments!

I think parents (and mothers more specifically!) are super hard on themselves and need to be more open about how hard it is! Each stage brings new challenges.

Have a little read about matrescence, it really hits the nail on the head for the first years!