I realised too late I don’t like parenting

Oh, poor you OP, hope thins getting better in your life both ways.

Oh this stage is so hard. Honestly it does get easier.
Mine are 10 and 13 now and I actually prefer the older child stage. Little ones are cute but hard work!

Mine are 5 and 18 months. There are definitely times where I am incredibly frustrated and fed up with them to the point I think, why did I do this? It's VERY hard work.
There are also times where I worship the ground they walk and and feel nothing but intense love.
It's a total head fuck. But I think you just need to remind yourself it really won't be this hard forever, and for now; just let yourself find it hard, have a moan, offload on someone and have a glass of wine, but mostly feel proud of yourself because you're getting through a very hard time.

I can absolutely remember feeling this way. I found the stage you're at relentless and boring and most of the time I absolutely hated it. I loved my children but parenting was so hard. I also had a job I hated with a passion. I changed jobs when my DC started school and it made such a difference too. Every stage of parenting brings it's own challenges but I found the pre-school years the hardest. You are not alone! ❤️ My DC are teenagers now and I LOVE it!

I used to - I'd go in with them, the four year old could swim and I'd hold the baby. It was a kids' pool though so reasonably safe although you had to have your wits about you and couldn't take your eyes of them for a minute. They'd eat well and sleep well afterward and we'd all go home showered. Depends on the facility but absolutely not 'insane.'

Mine are 3 and 1. I hear you.

I sincerely hope parents with special needs children who give their all to their precious children don't take offence to this thread. Nothing worthwhile in life is gained without hard work including bringing up children. How empty life would feel without them. People who feel like OP obviously don't have enough help. My children were raised with Grandparents on both sides who loved & cared for my children as much as I did. They were always on call when DH & I needed a break. The sad thing is nowadays the support network isn't always there leading to feelings expressed on this thread. I hope those considering having a baby aren't put off by reading this thread. It's the best & most rewarding experience the world.

Parenting is not intended to be enjoyable.
It is there solely for the propagation of the human species. That is all.
You are raising the future breeding stock, that is your sole purpose in life.

I get this and felt the same but it's so much better when they are both at school and I really enjoyed DS when he was older.
Now he's in his 40s it's great. We're always talking on the phone or messaging. I love his wife too she's like a daughter.

At our pool you have to have one adult per child if they’re under 8, unless one of them has a swimming certificate at a certain level.

Mine are 5 and 2 and I feel the same as you today. DH is working away all weekend and so it’s just me trying to muster up the energy to keep the show on the road.

We struggled to conceive and went through multiple rounds of IVF to have them. I didn’t think I’d find it this hard.

This morning I had to go into the next room to say Shut the fuck up repeatedly to myself so they couldn’t hear. The stress levels it induces are insane.

I love them beyond anything in this world and there are many moments of pure love and joy. But fuck me it is relentless and exhausting.

This is a very full on age.
Do not blame yourself.
Make sure your contraception is bullet proof as a 3rd will likely break you.

Try and focus on one day at a time.
Take any shortcuts.

Good enough is ok.
Safe and happy is the priority for the kids, everything else, take any shortcut you can.

The not sleeping is a living hell.
Do not underestimate just how hard that makes everything.

What is their father like?
Is he pulling his weight?

Are you doing this alone?

How does their dad feel?

I found that that was only an issue for a very short period of time - ie when the younger was at an ‘awkward’ age. Because they had each other, I could put their clothes out for them and they’d both dress themselves, almost like it was a competition.

Even when they couldn’t dress themselves, it still didn’t take too long with me doing it as they tended to wait in turn. It was all pretty quick.

In comparison, my 3rd DC’s need for me isn’t a short-term thing. It’s years.

It is largely miserable and thankless and boring as shit, with moments that are nice.

I’m with you OP, parenting at the ages your kids are, is one long slog uphill through muddy trenches. The only people who enjoy it at that stage tend to be insufferable twats as well, so you don’t even get good company. Wait til they’re both at school and you’ll start to see light between the trees x

It seems you are exhausted. Those ages are though. Not sure if you have support but you need to ensure you look after yourself and take time for yourself otherwise it won’t help anyone having an exhausted and stressed mother all the time.

You may have to do sleep training too

I think most of us have a bad time at some stage OP, please don’t let it upset you too much. It really does change with time.

I found the early years a piece of piss, but my tricky stage came during the teenage years. It really isn’t all sunshine and rainbows for everyone else, no matter what you see on social media.

Is there someone you can reach out to in real life to talk to?

Op, you haven't answered questions about whether your partner takes an equal share of the parenting.

IME this is almost always the crux of the matter.

Inequality in parenting is like the air that we breathe - it's often very hard to step back and see it for what it is. But it's an absolutely critical issue, from a physical and psychological/emotional perspective, to know you are part of a team rather than the person who the partner who purports to love you secretly believes should be doing all the shitwork in the family.

No. Not at all. They are nearing the end of primary and it got harder instead of easier. It’s absolutely shit 75% of the time.

I need to reiterate that I never had two kids ‘for me’ so I never thought it would work out ‘for me’. I had DC2 because I did not want DC1 to be an only child. Not when DC1 is young and not when DC1 is a teen. Regardless of how much drudgery is involved I would not change that.decision. When adults, I expect they probably won’t even live in the same country - well at least I hope they spread their l wings and travel and explore the world and choose from all the wonderful places they see where to settle down. I want to make sure neither feels any sort of sole responsibility to stay near me.

If only there was a return policy.
That’s lasted 18 years.

Parenting involves lots of learning but you grow up a lot and learn about yourself.

I suggest this book

How to talk to children so children can talk to you.

Like fuck it does. Just gives them an early lesson in the shiteness of whatabouttery and reason to think you’re an imbecile intellectually.

Being told at a young age there are starving children in Africa gives a child a better perspective of hardship in life, especially if they have everything in abundance

Whoever suggested you take a 1 yr old and 4 yr old swimming alone with the presumption it will help you is absolutely insane. People with older kids genuinely forget what it’s like. Solidarity OP!