I realised too late I don’t like parenting

@Thoughtsonallsorts - I don’t think the OP sounds as if she hates parenting - I just think she is struggling - and surely it is better that she has somewhere to vent about these feelings, and get some support, than she bottles it all up until she does real damage to her mental health!

It honestly feels as if you want the OP to carry on struggling and being unhappy, instead of finding a bit of support and encouragement here - and you are doing a fine job of it.

I am not saying you need to try to empathise with @ThatCleverFawn, or offer any support - but do you have to actively try to make her feel worse?

To many, not having children is a far worse nightmare

My DC are highly intelligent too and have been quite a lot of hard work too, but if I'd be lying if I said it wasn't relentless or a chore at times, because it bloody is.

I'm incredibly proud of my wonderful DC, who are absolutely delightful, thriving and people who are the best achievements I've had. But it isn't offensive to be someone who also find parenting hard, just because of the fact I've been blessed with my great kids. It's ok to think that way too. There's not a mutually exclusive thought that comes with having great kids, just as someone who has very difficult to parent DC are "supposed" to feel exhausted etc all the time.

Having children can be a nightmare, definitely. Perhaps some parents should be told this more truthfully before having them.

OP, it gets better. You're doing great. Most people find small kids hard work. It's not just you. I have a 19 month old and a 10 year old. It all works out in the end. Find moments of joy where you can. That's what I do.

Yep, we all think that our little cherubs will be angelic, sleep through make no mess, and eat everything! If only...! 😅

@Thoughtsonallsorts but why is that offensive, do you understand what the word means?

Simply because this thread gives people the impression having children is a nightmare. I'm sorry but I find that offensive. I had highly intelligent children who required constant stimulation from the start.It was undoubtedly hard work & I often felt drained & exhausted. Ask me if I'd do it all again & my answer would be a resounding yes. Their school achievements, music,sport, clubs,the fun & laughter as a family during holidays etc,everything that kept us & them going.Nothing compares to the pride I feel having been gifted with amazing human beings & the love I feel for them & receive in return.They are older now but I would have those days back in a heartbeat.I feel sorry so many of you feel its nothing but a relentless chore.

I have to take the odd day of annual leave just to veg on the sofa and watch netflix every so often. Kids are at school/nursery. Could you do something like this to keep you sane?

You don't have to like it, it's what you signed up for. Yes it's a lot harder than you think and tedious and frustrating some days, but you just have to get on with it and do the best you can.

You're not alone OP. It's a slog especially when the weather is too cold and icy go go out properly.

My little one is 8 months and sometimes I'm counting down the hours till bedtime. I loveher to bits and miss her once she's asleep, luckily she is a good sleeper but often unhappy in the day and I struggle to cope. Dh is away a lot for work.

Threads like these reassure me that the way I feel is normal.

What is so unthinkably awful about having an only child that you would deliberately have a second child you don’t want? I swear to God, people are completely nuts on here.

Put them in front of the TV (Ceebebees is safe) and have some coffee. Thereafter get an old sheet and cover the floor. Paints, crayons, paper. Let them paint. Have damp towel handy for mucky mits and read a book, get out your kindle, or whatever. When they are done with that it's time for a story, so sit on the sofa and read to them; very relaxing. Go for a walk and likely they will fall asleep. Make toast and put cream cheese on it and sit in front of whatever Ceebebies has on and relax - helps if auxiliary heating such as a fire is on.
It's not quite 'doing nothing' but it is less stressful than running around doing things, dragging everyone off to a toddler group or whatever - you can do that tomorrow. Cook easy evening meal like spaghetti bolognese. Load dishwasher while DH reads bedtime stories and tucks them up - bath is optional but has the good effect of making children sleepy. No screens after tea, either.

It’s getting a bit silly now. Promoting an attitude of gratitude overall and teaching this is already something most folk do or should do.
If we applied the same logic though to other areas where does it end!? Complaining about DP… think of those who are single… worried about money… think of those with double the debt, recently bereaved, think of those suffering multiple bereavements etc. It’s daft. As I say most already will acknowledge there are worse off. Shouldn’t minimise OPs struggles. Chances are those childless people might feel exactly as she does now had things been different.
Overall we shouldn’t minimise our or others suffering, as at end of day whatever we feel we feel and that’s ok.

As did most other people OP
You are not alone, hang on in there and take care of yourself as best you can

Sorry, I think it's offensive to make it sound like every parent under the sun hates parenting.

You're offended? Seriously? Why does that OFFEND you?

And, of course, making that point matters SO much more than not sticking the boot into a woman who is struggling, @Thoughtsonallsorts. How kind of you.

Sorry, I think it's offensive to make it sound like every parent under the sun hates parenting. This is exactly what this thread is doing. There is nothing further from the truth. If there was a counterbalance here with the positive aspects of having a child it would be more helpful. It's wrong to blame your children on your misery at having to work hard to bring them up. It's like saying I hate my job then people piling in saying I also hate my job. This gives the impression to people considering having a baby everyone feels the same. They don't.

I misread "shop" as "sleep" now that would be a popular service!

Sounds like it less about disliking being a mum and more about being trapped in a job that you hate and that negativity is seeping into everything else. Your kids are at really hard ages. Really really hard. It is only going to get better from here on in. Anything you can do in the meantime to lighten the load? Go part time? Hand in your notice and get another job even if it is lower paid?

No wonder you are exhausted. I only had one and used to sometimes feel my blood was too tired to go round my body! Pre-school age is tough, there is no two ways about it. I only had one partly because I could not face the tiredness and sleep deprivation all over again. This is not to say that all of it was a drudge and of course there were irreplaceable moments of utter joy and incredible love but we do need to be truthful about how the early years feel like trench warfare. Totally understand the longing for a day of doing nothing, I used to crave being able to have lovely soak in the bath and I missed unbroken sleep. It will change and you will get some "me time" but I am not going to promise it gets easier, it just gets different but you will get more sleep.

Oh my goodness yes, Swimming really needs one responsible adult per child- you need eyes in the back of your head, it only takes seconds for a child to get into trouble in water.

A tragedy happened a few years ago at a ''pool party'' where a young child had 'water wings' on, and each parent thought the other had the child.

There were adults crashing around in the private pool {No lifeguard} laughing and screeching, as alcohol was present, splashing teenagers agitating the water, and knocking the inflatables, and the little one got lost in the melee.

It was an absolute tragedy.

Only relating it here to make people aware - a few minutes distraction is all it takes for something like this to happen.

@Thoughtsonallsorts - are you trying to emotionally blackmail a mum who is struggling, but has had the courage to reach out and ask for support? What are you hoping to achieve? It sounds to me as if you just want her to shut up about her feelings - but that is only going to make her feel worse, as she bottles up her feelings.

Frankly, if you can’t be supportive and helpful, then at least you could stop with the nasty emotional blackmail, and leave the thread for posterity who are prepared to be empathetic towards @ThatCleverFawn.

YANBU OP. I was thinking about the whole swimming thing. I used to take my DS and his cousin swimming it was a bloody nightmare as PP’s have mentioned. They are in their 30’s now😂. So a very long time ago. I remember once getting them all changed and into the pool only for them to have to get straight out because another child had done a 💩 in the pool.
Anyway I have been musing on what I would do nowadays. I would take them to the pool in those dry robe thingys with their swimsuits on underneath. Go swimming then put dry robe thingys back on. Same for myself. This is even though I think those dry robe thingys are a bit silly, they must serve some purpose. Then chuck the children back in the car and go straight home to shower and change and hot chocolate. Would only work if you have a car obviously and didn’t have to go anywhere else straight after.

Really no judgement at those ages and with not much sleep, but, to echo doubtless what a lot of other people have said, this is not the entirely of parenting. There will come a time when you can get sleep, have conversations with your kids, when everything isn't a battle.

(agree with @Addictforanex that taking young kids swimming is the worst - my kids were 'easy' and I found it stressful as fuck)

You don't like this stage of parenting, but it's overwhelmingly likely you'll find later parts more gratifying. Not consistently, not always, but better.

Oh Bless you, OP.

I only have one child {He was a delightful, easy baby..and is now grown up} But had several health visitors and older nurses at the baby clinic say ''He's so good and sweet natured, you won't be as lucky a second time''...{I thought ALL babies were easy like him..} 😆

They said ''Think very hard before having another, as often mothers of 'Easy' first babies get a shock having a second..as they all come out so differently!

I did heed their words. I couldn't imagine loving another child as much, and didn't need another.

When DH left {when son was 4} I was very glad I only had the one to care for.

I DO get absolutely what you mean by ''wanting to do things correctly''- With son, I made many mistakes- I would have been far more tolerant and patient with another , The first child is the one we ''learn on''.. First kids are the trailblazers for any kids that come after.

Don't worry, time flies, before you know it, both will be grown and independent.