To think that DH should also do some form of flexible working?

I harassed my partner with "... BUT HAVE YOU ASKED?“ for about 3 months. He finally asked after giving me loads of that about noone else working flexibly so it's not possible etc and 2 days later they sent him a lovely email saying we've not had to do this before so sorry if this didn't look like it'll work but gave an example timetable where he started at 7 and finished at 4, 3 days a week with a few hours of admin from home inbetween. It was a better offer than what I got!
By law they have to consider flexible working requests. It's the law. The other option is he could use some of his 18 weeks of parental leave during the 6 months?

how much of a difference will the extra 350 a month make? Some places are really inflexible only you know of your husband is being honest or just not pulling his weight? My husband couldn’t do school or nursery pick up but could do drop at breakfast club/ childminder is that an option?

I work for a large corporate who are otherwise very flexible, but they are very not keen on compressed patterns and rarely approve them, for legitimate reasons.

I really feel for you. My DH’s role isn’t flexible at all when it easily could be as it’s office based 9-5 and easy to do from home. But that’s where he works and if an organisation isn’t open to flexible working then that’s not really the fault of the employee.

Also you mention you’re more senior, I do find that the more senior you are the more flexible you can be.

I’d just pay the extra for £350 a month if his workplace can’t do flexible working.

Exactly this. It is entirely possible for your DH to know that the request would be refused without asking

I understand that maybe your DH’s work isn’t keen on compressed hours - but why doesn’t he want to do the pick-ups?

Yes, I'd focus on this.

It's legitimate for either party to prefer to compress or not compress hours, and to prefer childcare. It's also possible he is unpalatably and inconveniently right about his work. But those aren't reasons why he can't do an equal share of pick ups and drop offs.

Of course he should make a flexible working request - it’s not usual for covering the school run. Does he take time off if the DC’s are ill?

I think whether this is unreasonable really does pivot on whether his concerns about his job are well founded or fabricated to avoid ‘doing his bit’. If he is generally an engaged and equal parent and you don’t get the impression he is dodging his responsibilities than id go for the childcare option.

I understand that maybe your DH’s work isn’t keen on compressed hours - but why doesn’t he want to do the pick-ups?

To be honest, if you’re earning a lot more money and have been managing all/most of the pick-ups to date then it sounds like he’s been taking a bit of an easy ride at your expense.

He should be equally responsible for worrying about your family’s finances and childcare - it’s not just your problem to find a solution

This is what I was getting at but much more succinct!

Oh, I think I misread as you're taking about the time before school starts so it's an extra day in nursery Vs compressed hours? If so, with nursery being a longer day I think it's fine for him to do the majority of drop off and pick ups. But you can't dictate that he compresses hours to save a day in nursery. It won't harm your child to be in nursery five days a week for six months.

I've done compressed hours and it's very stressful, if it works, great, but no one should be forced into it. It's not like you're on the breadline and extra nursery fees will mean you can't heat your home, it's just less into savings which is a luxury really.

I think it's fine for him to prefer to spend money on childcare rather than making his working life harder. In the same way that it would've been fine for you to have worked a standard working week previously, if you'd wanted.

What are you actually asking for here? To do school pick up at about 3pm when he's working from home and then carry on working? There's no way that would work with my kids, especially at reception age, so I'd much prefer mine to go to proper childcare after school and be properly looked after.

If you're asking him to adjust his hours so he can start a little later to do drop off, then that could be reasonable, depending on his role. But not necessarily possible - I have an immovable 830 meeting on several days so it just wouldn't work for me so again, if childcare is available then it is a much better option.

You shouldn't take on all the childcare load but that's not what you're being asked to do, he's wanting to use proper childcare so you can both work effectively which seems fine.

He will need to pay it then.

I bet there are women in his organisation that are working flexibly because of childcare. If they managed it, then what's stopping him from asking?

Unless you have the same boss, it’s completely irrelevant if you’re in a more senior role and have been granted it or not?

My company has a flexible working policy - but my Director has said she won’t approve any requests for compressed hours (she feels it impacts productivity). This is made clear during the application process and We all know if we want that, we have to look elsewhere.

OP, don't forget that if you continue to work compressed hours you will have Fridays free every week once your youngest starts school. That’s not to be sniffed at. In effect, assuming your working week hours are 40 hours, your compressed hours would look like either four 10 hour days and no work on Friday, giving you more time for domestic stuff / free time for yourself, or four 9 hour days plus one 4 hour day in Friday, freeing you up for school runs on that day. The remaining days just use paid for before / after school clubs.

I think you should be doing both: paying a (not very large amount in the scheme of things) for the extra childcare AND he should be doing more drop offs and pick ups.

If he doesn't push for this he'll never know if he could have and never experience the joy of juggling.

Men who won't do or ask for any of this are contributing to the gender pay gap when they could be setting an example and easing things for other parents at work.

There's a rather engaging quote from Melinda Gates' autobiography where Bill started doing some pickups and suddenly there were many more dads at the school "if Bill Gates can do it..."

Although they are divorced...

I agree it’s important to understand if he generally pulls his weight, or if he doesn’t and you feel that now you’re asking him to he’s finding reasons why it’s fine for you but too hard for him.
it’s not unreasonable to pay for childcare. If you go that path I suggest you book yourself a solo weekend away to recover from the long hours you’ve worked to save the family money, since he isn’t willing to make the same sacrifice he must agree you deserve it.

Different companies and different managers have different rules and attitudes. My company has a blanket rule against compressed hours for example. It's just not allowed.

yet I’m in a very (more) senior position and have been granted it!

Seniority often comes with more flexibility.

I'm confused about him needing flexibility to do the school drop off and pick up - surely these are outside of working hours anyway? Or are you working with the children at home after school? If this is the case, I can see why he doesn't want to speak to his boss about flexibility.

What's been the situation with school drop off/pick up before now?

It doesn’t seem like he’s even asked here though

The decision as to whether someone could change their working hours isnt down to the employee though! If the employer says no, then theres not much the employee can do.

I'm slightly torn on this. I'm not a fan of compressed hours, I've always found owning my diary and working flexibly to make the appointments, plays etc is what works for us, we've just sucked up the childcare costs over the years. It's part of the "outsourcing what you can" element if you're earning well to make life easier. It becomes more challenging when they get to year 5/6 if they're not able to independently get to school and they start feeling too old for club where we started really reducing it down, it was a win when they were enjoying it.

I also somewhat empathise with your husband's point, it is generally easier for women to get flexible working, a lot of older school bosses (from both sexes) don't quite understand the need for both sexes to be flexible, it's been a hard journey for my husband in a very male dominated environment with lots of men with women at home, but he's now senior and confident enough to put his foot down more and essentially answer back to comments, but it's not a very "safe space" to do that.

But do empathise with you that it shouldn't all be on you, but if the reasoning is purely financial, I would just pay it personally.

You’re being totally reasonable. He needs to step up too, he’s 50% of their parents. I work my 5 in 4 and it is very very stressful. Whenever I go back to work after maternity leave (currently 5 months pregnant) my husband is dropping down to 4 days so that he can look after our two children 1 day a week, I do 1 day on my day off and then creche for 3 days.

A more senior position often works in your favour when it comes to flexibility.

Less senior positions though unwarranted are often treated with less trust and are roles which require a more visible presence.

My partner has a more senior role than me in the same organisation and they definitely have more of a free rein to organise their time