To think that DH should also do some form of flexible working?

DH has always done more drop offs and pick ups than me. He's got a more flexible job and is already out in the car.

He's always earned more than me.

I take the strain in the school holidays.

yet I’m in a very (more) senior position and have been granted it!

Yes, senior positions generally bring more flexibility!

If he doesn't want to do the majority of the drop offs/pick ups, then just pay the £350 a month for 6 months.

My DH has flexible working as do I - we have two DC with disabilities so no options on childcare outside school hours. It was definitely an adjustment for him - he works in a very male dominated industry and sometimes is still asked eg why he can't do something at 8.30am on a Tuesday. The fortunate aspect is he works for himself with different clients so can put the flexibility into his own schedule.

He needs to drop and pick up and he should have been doing that all along.

You’re burying the lede here.

Two slightly different issues.

1. Sharing drop off and pick ups.

That's a complete no brainer that both of you should do it, and that it doesn't have to be 50/50, particularly as you've done more over the years.

1. Him doing compressed hours for six months.

It sounds like he has a company where this won't be acceptable and will be negatively perceived. And make his working life more difficult.

His solution is an extra day of childcare which seems sensible

Childcare is there from 8-6, but that’s literally my working hours and so I would need DH to do the drop offs and picks ups when he is not in the office (his hours are 9-5 WFH three days a week).

Wait what?? He's refusing to pick up and drop off his own children outside of his working hours when he's wfh so there's no commuting time either?

Why is this even a question? Obviously he should be doing this. This doesn't even require flexible working!

It's only 6 months.
You have said compressed hours are difficult for you.
His employer does offer it.
I see you have no choice but childcare.
It's only 6 months.

Ok, that actually is unreasonable.

I'd focus on that, rather than wanting him to make flexible working requests he knows aren't going to be accepted, and expecting him to try and change the whole way he does his job because of your value judgement about childcare costs.

Compressed hours are really tough on individuals and the company, and often other people working there.

It's OK for you to want to do it, but it's also OK for him to want to pay for childcare and do a normal working week

Is he not willing to commit to the 3 days a week pick up and drop off when he's wfh? That, at least, is pretty unreasonable. If he's doing a 9 to 5 and the nursery does 8 to 6, unless it's some ridiculous distance he surely could do that.

She probably has more as in a more senior role. What's the relevance of hat anyway

Assuming your DH is being truthful about his boss’s attitude, i can understand his reluctance to ask, but I don’t understand why that stops him doing pick ups.

But unless he works for a very small company, where his boss is the owner, I’d still be asking him to put on his big boy pants, and not throw away thousands of pounds because he doesn’t want to annoy his manager. Like lots of women do, he can submit a request and put forward a case for how he could do his job while working compressed hours. The fact that it’s only for 6 months and 4.5 days should make it easier. Attitudes aside, there are jobs that are hard to do in a compressed working pattern - mine would be very difficult (but I have bags of flexibility otherwise), DH’s would be easier - you’ll know whether that’s the case for your DH.

If he’s really working somewhere that is pretty archaic when it comes to flexible working for dads, I’d be asking him to look elsewhere. You have a young family, you both work, you both need to be sble to juggle the workload. I have a much more senior job than DH, there’s no way I could do my job well if I was solely responsible for making childcare work, sick days and the such like, while doing compressed hours.

He needs to do drop-off/pick-up equally through the week.

You need to concentrate on your job for 6 months - get the extra childcare, even if it’s only half a day on a Friday or every other week (which should be manageable if you can work longer on days he picks up/drops off).

You both need to consider that it’ll all change with everyone at school so a different flex may be needed then.

You need to remember there’s a long game in all this and this 6 months if Fridays isn’t the most important thing. (Though I understand it feels big now.)

Different companies have different cultures, flexibility is accepted in your company, but not in his.

Everyone is on here bashing the husband but what about OP? Maybe this discussion should have been had before she accepted the job. If the day a week means so much to her that it’s causing an issue in her relationship then maybe she should have had the discussion with husband earlier?

At the end of the day it’s six months. Your children aren’t going to be mentally scared by another day in childcare.

I also think if OP and husband don’t work at the same company then she can’t comment on him being able to work flexibly etc.

he has made no formal requests but his boss said to him that another dad in the team asked for a compressed week and he said he wouldn’t approve it because he just thinks people should work all week if they work full time as they’re getting away with less if they do a compressed week. DH says he will make his life difficult if he tries to get it approved.

Do you think he's lying? Because if not, if this is accurate, it would seem to be a pretty good reason not to ask. The poster who said the worse they can do is say no is being very optimistic.

Mine didn't step up and change his working pattern until we divorced and he needs to collect them on Friday / Mondays. I don't think it was in his mindset, men didn't do that. I don't even think it crossed his mind to be honest.

Times are changing and men are working different patterns but not all companies or men are doing the same.

Would he be looking after a reception aged child after school pick-up? If so, that'd be a hard no from me, that would be really stressful.

Would after school club work instead on his WFH days? He could could up at 5:15/5:30 or whatever? Even that 30 mins makes a difference! Or is that the wraparound you meant?

OP what are you asking from him exactly? For him to go compressed for 6 months? Or to do pick ups so you can continue to compress?

I think he should put his big boy pants on and ask. The worst thing they can do is say no. He’s legally entitled to ask and I’d be very unimpressed if I were you tbh.