To think that DH should also do some form of flexible working?

I still don't really understand. Is it that he'd rather you didn't compress so that you're both around for equal pick ups and drop offs? I don't know where him compressing too chilled into it or how it would be possible for either of you to do drop off or pick up if you're both working longer hours?

Up until now, can you post what your routine has looked like? And then the two options, what you're proposing and what he wants?

Eg previously:
Mon OP off so covering childcare
Tues OP drop off, DH pick up
Etc

I think it's really hard to comment without this clear info as we're all interpreting in different ways.

I don’t really quite understand Op. I get that your DH doesn’t want to compress his hours and rock the boat.

But how is your first option that different to now? Surely if your kids are in childcare 8-6 and your DH wfh 9-5 for 3 days a week then he does the pickups and drop offs to allow you to work the longer hours. The 4th day you have a slight juggle presumably due to his commute and the 5th day you are home so do all childcare and school runs?

Your DH doesn’t want you to leave early/get back late so he has to be in charge of getting the kids to childcare alone? He’d rather you worked shorter hours each day and paid for the extra day childcare so you can do it and it doesn’t inconvenience him at all?

I do agree if that's his argument it's a stupid one

OP could have thought of it herself

Men often have a much harder time getting flexible working and are judged more for it. My husband did compressed hours a few years ago for a couple of years. They agreed to it but were constantly pressurising him to come back "full time".

Unfortunately men face discrimination too.

Where I work compressed hours are allowed but it does put a strain on others who actually end up covering when the person is not in work. When mine were little it was much rarer so people just paid for breakfast club etc and childcare. Now with flexible working being so common half our staff seem to not be around until 9.30 and can't do anything at 3pm due to school runs. It's a massive pain at times as everything has to be squeezed into 10-3

I'm torn. I mean he is definitely being unreasonable, and I was going to say ask him to decide how he is going to cover his half of the remaining childcare responsibilities (don't find the solution, don't pick up his slack). But actually he is proposing to cover his share by spending £2,100 of your joint money. Which is not entirely unreasonable as a choice.

Makes his life a bit easier you mean. Funny he didn't come up with his generous proposal to save OP from essentially working 1.2ft once you count in her care work on the extra day.

I would doubt it was true seeing as he also doesn't want to do drop offs even though he can and is available. He sounds selfish and like he doesn't think parenting is his job.

I'm confused as to why anything needs to change to be honest. Option a is that you do the same compressed hours as before, which was 8 till 6? Who is doing drop offs and pick ups currently... can't be you, you're working?
It seems he's asked his boss, his boss has told him his views... which are not uncommon, do you doubt this is true?

Exactly. He doesn't want to do drop off at 8 when he starts work at 9 from home because it would mean getting his own children ready? Pah.

I didn't say a FT job was lazy just refusing to deal with his own children certainly is.

He's doing a full time job not lazing around in a spa. Agree he needs to be picking up household duties so it's fair

If Op needs to work 8-6 she should just go out at 7.30 and leave the lazy git to cope.
Let's face it men do it all the time!!
He is being VVU
Essentially he wants a nice stress free life whilst Op is on her knees.
This would be LTB territory for me

He is being ridiculous, it might be stressful for him but for you it is physically impossible. What is his solution? You go to work late everyday? How does he think that will play out??

You are being SO reasonable. Men ‘finding it hard to ask’ is a self-fulfilling prophecy that feeds into unequal workplace cultures. He should interrogate his feelings about this. If his employers actually say no, then you have a backup plan, but him refusing to ask would make me lose some respect for him as a partner.

He has asked for compressed hours and been told no so that is not happening. Childcare on the 5th day seems necessary.

If he works 9-5 then of course he does the drop off and pick ups. You can possibly if out if the house 8-6. He is being very unreasonable about that.

If you’re in a senior role, presumably you are paid well. Make your life easier and use the childcare.

I think lots of posters are missing the point. @Stuckbetweenarockandarock has carried a heavy load for years to save them money and ensure their kids get the best they can provide, she now needs help for 6 months and her DH isn’t willing to do it. I would imagine that feels like he doesn’t have her back and is undervaluing all the hard work she has put in over the years, which feels pretty shitty and would make me feel differently about my relationship as I would feel we aren’t the partnership I thought we were.

is that right @Stuckbetweenarockandarock ? if so have you put it in those terms rather than just focusing on logistics?

You say the new job will be difficult and compressed working might be more challenging. I think it will. I think compressed working is a very challenging flexible working approach. I have managed lots of people with flexible working patterns and this is the one that I think is most difficult for the individual.

My suggestion would be for you to go part time (if allowed) and have Fri off or for you DH to do this. I know this will be a financial hit but honestly I think it would be better for your well being.

I agree

My employer doesn’t do flexible working and wouldn’t do condensed hours (I’ve tried).
So I’m with your DH on that one.

But your DH must get a lunch break, so is there any flexibility where he works through lunch and instead takes his break on the school run?

It does seem silly that he’s WFH and can’t do the school run.

In your OP I was torn - part "ugh Big Important Man Job" and part "for the sake of six months just make your lives easier and pay the childcare".

But the more you post the more it's clear he's just not willing to parent.

Solo mornings are stressful, but shucks. That's just part of it. Doing six out of ten runs a week for six months so your wife can settle into her new big job isn't a big deal at all.

YANBU - I think you’re getting a rough time here OP.
Starting school is exhausting for kids (teacher) and it would be nice for them to have one day going straight home (if doable!).

We share the drop offs and pick ups (but my times they have to go to before and after school club) DH took a job and dropped pay to be there for them more and so he could always be there for either dropping off or picking up which makes my life a million times easier and means they’re not in before or after school club everyday.

It would be nice if he could support you and let you have your career back after all you’ve done and try the shared school runs for 6 months but otherwise try with the extra £350 childcare. How much is the increase in pay for you?

Just to add, going forwards, discussion definitely needed about sharing the load more for drop off/pick up and possibly if a DC is off ill?