Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First overnight stay with partners children

31 replies

strawberrysea · 10/01/2025 21:48

I'm in a fairly new relationship with a man, we met in May and things are going very well. Discussions about marriage and the future etc.

He has two children from a previous relationship aged 6 and 9.

I met his children for the first time a couple of weeks ago. The meeting went brilliantly and we got on very well. I haven't spent any time with them since.

This Sunday we are all going out together to the zoo (second time meeting them) and then my boyfriend suggested that I come home with them and spend the night.

I guess my AIBU is AIBU to think that this is too soon for an overnight stay with them? I'm really apprehensive about it. Boyfriend has said that he completely understands and is absolutely fine with whether I stay or go but at the same time has made it clear that he is very keen for me to stay. I don't have children myself so I would appreciate advice from those that do on how you would proceed or how in theory you would want your ex's new partner to proceed in this situation. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 10/01/2025 21:54

I'd say it's far far too soon to be staying over night. Zoo is enough for the second time.

ChocolateTea · 10/01/2025 21:53

We let my children decide tbh. After a couple of months my then 5 year old asked if now DH would stay for a sleepover. I asked where he would sleep, and he replied your bed. So we went with that.

Clearinguptheclutter · 10/01/2025 21:53

Nah too soon

MaybeItWasMe · 10/01/2025 21:52

Agreed. Do the zoo day and then go home. There will be time for sleepovers soon enough.

Pieandchips999 · 10/01/2025 21:52

I think it's too soon. It's really only the minimum time to start meeting them a small amount. I'd build things up gradually. The time to be there when they are also staying over is when you are living there or much further down the line with a specific purpose. It's much more interesting for the children for you to be this fun person who it's a treat to see at the start

RobinHood19 · 10/01/2025 21:51

I’d probably want to stay away myself. After a full day, the kids may need their own space to decompress and process / talk through their feelings about the day with their father. I think I would feel apprehensive myself, so it’s OK if you want to postpone the overnight stay to the next meeting.