First overnight stay with partners children

I'm a single mum and my children are the same age as your partner's children.

I think your apprehension and the fact you've posted shows it's probably too early to stay over yet. I think just doing a full day out will be enough - i think my children would be a bit surprised and overwhelmed for a new person to stay over after meeting just twice. They would still be getting used to the idea that they are having to share a parent with another adult they don't know. I think daytime meetings are the way to go for now.

And I think my children would be fairly chilled out by the whole thing - your partner's children may not be.

When the time comes, I agree with previous posters about not letting them into the bed with you and making sure you don't get sucked in to the parenting.

Good luck, you sound very sensible.

You will have met them twice and then they will know you're in their dads bed when they stay over.

No, far too soon.

You need to see them and get to know them for a much longer period of time before you sleep over when they sleep over.

After only eight months, I wouldn’t even be doing the zoo trip. I’d keep it to small more local outings. Easier for the children to digest and get used to, definitely don’t be spending the night. After such a big day they’ll need time and privacy in their own space to decompress and be with their parent.

I have no idea why your partner has even suggested this.

Unless he has his kids FT, then this would really annoy me.

If he has his kids less than 50/50 he should be spending the time with them and not his new gf.

He can see you on the days he doesn’t have them.

Honestly, my alarm bells would be ringing and I’d be concerned that he wants you involved for the wrong reasons.

If he has the kids FT then he may be more genuine but I still think meeting them during the daytime for a few more sessions would be best.

Absolutely agree with this.

He comes as a package now. Well either that or he doesn't, but if it's that, then he's a deadbeat dad and who wants that. So let's assume he comes as a package.

Honestly op, you don't have kids yet, so you won't know it, but that's massive. I have kids, and know how hard they are and I love them to bits, so because of that, no man on this earth is worth me being a step mum for. I couldn't think of anything worse.

But there are wonderful women out there who are able to welcome other peoples kids with open arms.

So maybe that's you and it's ok.

I'm just saying go careful. The ages they are at now are easy, not so much when they're teenagers.

I wouldn't. He needs to parent his own children. I think a day with them is enough.
I'd also think about if you want kids and how that would fit with him having two kids already.

I think second time of meeting them is far to soon to stay overnight. I would give it a few months of getting to know them first before even thinking about an overnight stay. Just tell your partner that it feels far too soon and you want to give the children the chance to get used to having you around before you stay the night while they're there. If he is put out by that, he's not thinking about his children, he's thinking about himself.

This is a good question. How often does he see his children? If it's 50% or less, why are you even involving them in your relationship?

Well done for having a sensible boundary here. Six months of dating is at the early end for meeting the kids (I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and just looking to introduce in the next couple of months) and to move straight into staying the night would be upsetting and confusing for the kids. Imo you should look to another six months of getting to know them and ensure everything is comfortable before considering sleeping over.

It’s a lot for kids to see a new person suddenly stepping into the “role” that they previously understood their mother (or father, in the opposite case) to hold. Parents typically seem to be ready for new relationships long before the children are and unfortunately the kids often get only cursory consideration and even less “say” about a stranger starting to move into their lives.

Definitely don’t stay the night. Why has your boyfriend suggested this? How often does he see his children?

I wouldn’t want someone I’d only met for the 2nd time staying in my house overnight and I’m a fully grown adult.

If you don't put yourself first now you risk being sucked in too much too soon

Consider why you WOULD stay over?

Take yourself off for a peaceful night after a long day being on high alert. Let your partner parent, set the scene for being a pleasant addition to their life, not a surrogate mum taking on wife work or taking their dad away

Completely agree. I wouldn't have even allowed a BF to meet my children at this stage. Complete insanity.

Way too soon. Your relationship is barely long enough to justify the zoo outing.

How long has their dad been single?
How long since he split with their mum?
Has mum introduced any new partners recently that they are still getting used to?
How much time do they spend with him
Per week?
How many other people have they been introduced to since the split if any?

Definitely don’t feel guilty about it! You are doing the right thing. It is a lot, I’m so glad I spent so much time building a relationship with them as it means the world to me. I’m very lucky to have them in my life

I would wait a couple more times before you do.

And then when you do sleepover, stay downstairs and well away from bath and story time and don't let them climb into your bed in the morning (either send DP out to them or get up early.). First for their sense of safety and normalcy , second for safeguarding boundaries (that they should have with any parents partner) and last but not least the most likely risk - to stop you being lumbered with his parenting work.

Probably best to keep it flexible, it may seem ok but might be obvious that they need space after a long day.

Every child and situation is different, no set formula. Most important thing is children are central to decision making

There hasn't been enough time spent with them yet, you need to try going out for tea etc a bit more first. He shouldn't be discussing marriage until he saw how you were around his children, that would be a red flag for me.

Even if it wasn't too soon, it's too much after a whole big day out.

Having had experience in this, I would wait. Build up a relationship with them by spending more time with them before you stay over. I had known my partner’s children for well over a year before I stayed over. It was definitely worth spending the time and effort making them feel comfortable and safe before that.

Too soon.