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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want the bedside lamp on!

112 replies

Trufflebutter24 · 10/01/2025 21:23

I sometimes want to get into bed and read but my husband often gets quite annoyed by the bedside lamp light being on, he says I’m inconsiderate asking for it to be kept on. Am I blind to my inconsideration?

OP posts:
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thatsalad · 12/01/2025 13:56

Zonder · 11/01/2025 09:07

Does OP have to go to sleep when her DH decides?

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Of course not, she can go read in the other room.

DilemmaDelilah · 11/01/2025 15:29

I like to read in bed too, but if it bothered my DH I would switch the light off. He likes to watch the TV in bed - he doesn't get to do that either. We are now ancient, have different sleeping needs, we both snore and we have the luxury of being able to have separate rooms. That way I get to have the light on whenever I like and he can watch TV whenever he likes.

spanishpainting · 11/01/2025 14:13

It's not unreasonable to want to read yourself to sleep in cosiness, tucked up in your own bed, rather than on the couch, when you then have to stand up and get yourself upstairs, which will inevitably wake you up a bit more than you probably want at that time.

It's also not unreasonable to want to fall asleep in the pitch dark. So an eye mask is just perfect. Before I got one I was half suffocating myself under the duvet to try and block out the light while DH read. Eye mask = game changer.

Original poster
Trufflebutter24 · 11/01/2025 13:56

Thanks all for your comments! This is why I love Mumsnet!
For a bit of background I’d not long finished putting the kids to bed last night, it was around 9pm but DH does usually in the week get up a lot earlier than me for work so was tired. I did go and read in the living room and had a lovely time.
It’s not a hill I’m willing to die on so I wouldn’t ever put up a substantial argument - I just wanted to know if I was alone or not!!

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 11/01/2025 11:55

fridaynight1 · 10/01/2025 23:37

Confused here. I must have thick eyelids.
How is everyone knowing the lights are on if their eyes are shut?
Surely you can’t see?

Edited

Of course you can tell if the light is on.

You must have very thick eyelids.

I can't sleep when the light is on either.

BettyBardMacDonald · 11/01/2025 11:34

Let him use a sleep mask.

MrsPositivity1 · 11/01/2025 11:01

Trufflebutter24 · 10/01/2025 21:23

I sometimes want to get into bed and read but my husband often gets quite annoyed by the bedside lamp light being on, he says I’m inconsiderate asking for it to be kept on. Am I blind to my inconsideration?

@Trufflebutter24 Would you try reading using a kindle?

CandyCane457 · 11/01/2025 10:41

My boyfriend likes to keep the lamp on to read and I wear a sleep mask, it’s no big deal for us 🤷🏻‍♀️

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 11/01/2025 09:50

YABU and inconsiderate.

justgettingin · 11/01/2025 09:49

I cant sleep with a light on windows closed or curtains closed.

LuckySantangelo35 · 11/01/2025 09:32

Do you have a spare room so you can sleep in separate beds?

Gettingslimmer · 11/01/2025 09:15

HappyPanda613 · 11/01/2025 09:12

Not all the time it’s not. You can do many things in a bed including…shock horror…read a book.

And it’s rather simple. He can sleep with or without the light on, but she can’t read without it. Therefore her needs exceed his in this scenario.

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She can also read elsewhere, she doesn’t need to do it in bed. And whilst yes he can sleep elsewhere it is beyond ludicrous to suggest he sleeps on the sofa so she can read in bed.

HappyPanda613 · 11/01/2025 09:12

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/01/2025 23:39

Is this meant ironically?

The bedroom is the room for sleeping.

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Not all the time it’s not. You can do many things in a bed including…shock horror…read a book.

And it’s rather simple. He can sleep with or without the light on, but she can’t read without it. Therefore her needs exceed his in this scenario.

Rachmorr57 · 11/01/2025 09:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TinyMouseTheatre · 11/01/2025 09:09

We are the same. DH hates the lamp on, I like to read. Ask him to buy you a Kindle Paperwhite.

MsJuniper · 11/01/2025 09:09

It is eye-opening reading this thread as I assumed everyone reads to sleep. I've never thought of a bedroom as purely a sleeping room either. Fortunately DH and I both have the same viewpoint and can't sleep unless we've both read. If one of us starts to doze off first, we just turn off our own light and turn away from the other. I can't imagine going back downstairs to read (or to 'the library'!)

Perhaps he needs a nice sleep mask - or a good book?

Zonder · 11/01/2025 09:07

thatsalad · 11/01/2025 01:04

YABU the poor man is trying to sleep. It's so inconsiderate

Does OP have to go to sleep when her DH decides?

Zonder · 11/01/2025 09:07

Don't most couples have a discrepancy over time to sleep / lights / sound? I read my kindle so my late night habit doesn't keep DH awake, and I wear a snoozeband so his early morning radio doesn't disturb me.

thatsalad · 11/01/2025 01:04

YABU the poor man is trying to sleep. It's so inconsiderate

Choccyscofffy · 11/01/2025 00:50

The person who wants lights out and noise off always trumps the person who doesn’t.

Girlintheframe · 11/01/2025 00:43

Couldn't he wear an eye mask?

Topseyt123 · 11/01/2025 00:23

A kindle paperwhite or Kobo ereader are your friends. I have both. You don't even need a light on at all to read on them.

HereForTheAnimals · 11/01/2025 00:05

Caswallonthefox · 10/01/2025 23:53

Nope. Any that do, get pulled out, or the pillow gets turned over, plus I have 2 pillowcases on each, so that reduces the feather poking.
I don't think it's fair that you got moaned at, they're like needles, so you can't really stop them from making a hole.😀
I also had a feather pillow as a child and I only got a new one when I was basically sleeping on two pillowcases with a feather lump above my head.😁

Edited
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Thank you, I don't think it was fair either, it was bloody irritating 🤣 🪶

Zonder · 11/01/2025 00:03

A kindle doesn't need a light on.

Caswallonthefox · 10/01/2025 23:53

HereForTheAnimals · 10/01/2025 23:41

Don't the quills stick in your face when they protrude from the pillow?

I had one as a child and was forever getting told off because I would pull the spiky feathers out 🤣

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Nope. Any that do, get pulled out, or the pillow gets turned over, plus I have 2 pillowcases on each, so that reduces the feather poking.
I don't think it's fair that you got moaned at, they're like needles, so you can't really stop them from making a hole.😀
I also had a feather pillow as a child and I only got a new one when I was basically sleeping on two pillowcases with a feather lump above my head.😁