To wish I hadn’t married a man with a well paid job

You can get out of it. Move from that rural location to one that has access to better childcare for a start. That is not difficult.

I suspect you don't want to either to incur the hassle or 'outsource' parenting to nannies or childminders.

You might even get access to a better job or move closer to work.

Those are logistics we had to work out as a pt/ft and then ft/ft couple. It completely influenced where we lived, how long a commute each had to do and how close were we to the dcs' schools.

You either get cracking with your dh to plan out the logistics and make some changes or you can wallow in the injustice of being edged out of career progression as the lower wage earner.

People do hire nannies at a financial loss/hit to preserve their career progression until the dcs no longer need such expensive childcare.

Question is how much do you want it to go for it. You seem quite passive and defeatist navel-gazing in your approach.

Can you have a longer term plan for what's next to give you a bit of hope that you wont be trapped in it forever.

The type of support older children need is very different for a start. And sometimes a dh has been supported in their career for 10 odd years and are now at the point they are respected enough to flex thier hours. Or they feel ready to move sideways. Sometimes the early/mid career is the most rigid time.

What a nasty first reply.
Whilst there's worse things going on in the world it doesn't mean OP can't be feeling shit about things and want to come on and have a moan and talk it through with people. Should we all just never speak about anything else at the absolute bottom of life.

There will always be someone doing better and always someone doing worse. Don't make it so people feel like they can't talk about any kind of struggle for the fear of being ridiculed like this

But you've just articulated exactly why it didn't make sense to give up your part time job.

Yes, for a short time childcare costs would have wiped out most of the household income contributed from your job, but once that childcare burden reduced that would have been extra income into the household and you would have had continuity of employment, enabling you to continue to progress, building flexibility with your employer.

When DD was very little, our nursery fees were 3 times our mortgage and in order to pay it we had to reduce our costs to absolute basics. DH was earning about £21k and I was on about £25k. It was very very tight. By the time DD started school, we'd had a couple of years with some funded hours which had reduced the monthly childcare costs, I'd tripled my salary and because I'd built a good reputation and relationships at work I was able to flex my hours to allow for school drop off and events and working from home.

I don’t see why you have to take a back seat.

both DH and I have high flying jobs but we work together to make it work.

Ffs people are allowed problems even if others have it worse - it's like saying to those who rely on food banks that they can't complain because gaza.

If you were travelling all of the time how do you split the housework and childcare?

The travelling partner would do more when they're home. Simples.

Are there no nurseries in the area too? Most of them offer wraparound childcare.

Hard agree with this.

What?!?! Of course you can work full time and still make dinner and put the kids to bed. For the love of God!

So - why couldn’t I work full time; because wraparound care doesn’t cover it. It only starts at 8 and finishes at 415. So that means getting to work for half eight and finishing at 4. And that just isn’t compatible with a demanding career.

You are honestly being ridiculous. How do you think the vast majority of us manage with two full time jobs. Give your head a wobble and hire an after school childminder.

If you're both career driven you didn't have to have children.

Get an after school child minder, so 🤷‍♀️

Most women stay in the marriage and raise the children if the husband is ok and not abusive. And if you divorce, you take half of it. What is wrong with being home?

So work more then 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't assume it would be any different if you were the higher earner, somehow the lion share of household/ children organisation does seem to fall on the mum!

If he earns well, why don't you invest in some childcare to enable you to work as much / little as you wish?

I get it OP

We are in a similar situation. When my husband got promoted and his pay rise was as much as my (admittedly only part time) salary we realised it made sense for me to not return to work after maternity with my second.

Now I'm in a situation where returning would only add stress to our family. Add this to the fact that we moved and bought house to be close to his work and I do get a bit miffed sometimes. But he does understand and fair play is good and does things with the kids so I can't complain that much. It's just really how I'd hoped things would be. OK so no money problems as he earns well but money isn't everything.

What support do you need? We are both high earners (me more so), and we have no "support". We like live in a different country to our families. We are in the UK, and pay for after school club and holiday clubs, and a cleaner. Everything else, we split equally. What is it that's bothering you/what are you doing additionally for the children? I tend to be on top of buying their clothes and remembering school dates (e.g. if a fancy dress item needs to be ordered online), while my husband takes on more of the activities with the children (e.g. takes them swimming, to football, etc.).

I'm not sure what support you imagine all the rest of us have. Just get on with your life.