To wish I hadn’t married a man with a well paid job

I am not going to suggest solutions or say it's workable. There is imbalance and that is a big deal. It's also not fair. There's probably some gender inequality involved.

Life with children is tough. It's constant compromise and guilt. I went through years of feeling like I was letting my job down or letting my children down.

I am still at the same level at work as I was when I had children 15 years ago. But look, I have two beautiful children and it was tough but worth it 1000x over. We are all just finding ways of trying to be good parents and live good lives. You will make it work. But you are totally entitled to be frustrated.

Anyone earning 6 figures walking out of a big meeting to pick up their sick kid would not go down well.

I earn six figures and can collect my kids when sick.

There's no magical solution but there's plenty of options and it absolutely doesn't have to involve the woman sacrificing her career.

There's no magic solution. You discuss with your partner and shape your lives the best you can to create the partnership you want. It doesn't mean one partner having to prioritise their career. It might mean both partners agreeing that they want a more equal set up. Which may well mean both partners adjusting things. Seems the OP wants her dh to earn 100k, but resents the fact that she ends up doing more with the children. But doesn't want to move to an area with better childcare and opportunities. But probably wouldn't think the childminders were good enough for her kids anyway.
🤷‍♀️

Woe betide anyone who grumbles about their situation unless they’re on the actual breadline. I hear you OP. It’s the implicit bias in society that puts most caregiving onto women. Of course, some people will say that you just need to fix the dynamic in your own marriage, but at the end of the day, if he’s the breadwinner and it would be harder on the family if he loses his job, it’s somewhat inevitable that your the one impacted. It might be worth him looking for a more flexible employer long term, but depending on his role he might always feel the pressure

Oh no, so sorry!
I thought the initial post had been edited to remove the figures 🙈

Best you share your magic solution with the Op then.

That’s a weird situation. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. My DH earns many times more than me, but completely respects that effort and parenting is 50:50.
If work is important - go to work. Get childcare 🙄

I have always been in the fortunate position of being the higher earner, however DH's career hasn't been sacrificed in any way. Can you make a plan on how you could improve your skills/hours in order to increase your earnings? We have both actively managed our careers over the years and that really helps in terms of increasing earnings.

IME people, especially in male dominated industries are really looked down on for that kind of thing.

Nobody is criticising anyone for having more money than anyone else, including OP. What we are critical of is OP's entitled whinging. 🙄
I think you need to read back through the thread.

Because making sure they can eat it is more important than baby yoga?

I was a social worker in the most deprived area of the country and I now volunteer in a centre supporting vulnerable families. I’ve seen all you describe but it doesn’t affect most of the population and people should be free to discuss issues that affect them without being judged as they happen to be more well off.

Which equates to 4% of the population therefore 96% of the population do not use food banks and should be able to discuss things that affect them without being criticised for having more money than others.

This is the same for men though, surely, if you have a good partnership, we have to manage our energy and time in the directions we choose.

Of course you can. Sexism in society just makes it harder.

I don't mean the childcare part, I mean balancing everything.

For example, when the children were younger and I had to leave work at X time on the dot, and my boss wouldn't allow me to leave a minute earlier...the after school activities used to finish at 4.30, and my boss wouldn't let me leave my job before 4.00...I had to run to the car park, and speed to get to school in time.

Nowadays there is more WFH, but I remember the primary school days.

Balancing the stress of a full-time job, and being a parent is hard.

Spending quality time with your children, cooking them a healthy meal, doing their homework and reading, all these things after a day at work were tiring for me.

Perhaps you have a higher battery charge,or lower expectations?

You’re on the wrong thread! This DH earns just under 100k.

Someone very famous ( a woman) once said " As women we can have it all... just not all at once".

If he earns close to £600k, you absolutely can afford a nanny. That’s almost £800k with your salary added in.

However, this is nothing to do with marrying someone who out earns you considerably and everything to do with marrying a bit of an arse.

I dont think it has to be by the woman no but in my situation it's by the person who isn't paying the bills.

There's probably loads of situations where the situation is reversed but as this is predominantly female site we don't hear about them as much.

I'm not advocating giving up, and the last thing I would do is give up work but I'm merely sympathetic to the ops current situation where something has to give.

You haven’t answered my question about the extent to which you really understand what your DH’s [lack of] options are. Are you blindly taking his word for it?

To be fair, OP didn't initially post exact salaries. She was asked multiple times.