One child has inherited AGAIN

If they have a mortgage, they are financially tied.
The family law definition of a step parent is being not biologically related to a child in your care and treat as a member of the family you created with the biological parent.

Might be different in other countries.

If her "boyfriend" doesnt consider himself a step parent when he's living in the same house as the child, she needs to get shot of him.

I think the courts would disagree on the living together unmarried part.

OP, I think you just have to accept that this has come about as part of you and your partners doing. Nobody else is responsible, or owes you or you DS1 anything, apart from his biological father.

You said something like you wanted to know how to address the conversation with your DS1. So perhaps it could go like this:-

"I made a decision to get together with ....., who you are aware is not your biological father, and because of that you are in this position now."

Nope. It's not irrelevant. They aren't legally tied. They aren't financially tied. If the split up, all the OP will get is CM. She isn't entitled to anything of his. No money. No savings. No pension. Having a child just means he is committed to the child. Not her. He isn't a stepfather. He is mum's boyfriend.

Personally i feel more annoyed at the relative giving to the boys rather than the girls.
For everyone going on about blood lines (ick) and "real" relations, imagine a real relative whos is your bloodline giving your son and not your daughter because hes male?! I honestly think id tell them to shove the money. Weird outdated sounding family!

They live together and have a child. Marriage is irrelevant, he IS her sons step father. I feel having a child and likely a mortgage is a bigger tie than marriage.

The op wasn't realistic if that was the reason she went with her partner. There is no guarantees that his family will like her and they don't have to like her. The op deciding to have another child with her partner is up to the two of them not the wider family. I didn't choose my partner because of his family I choose him. Whatever is bequeathed is up to them nothing to do with me. It only affects me when it upsets my partner and that's when I get involved.

Yes, and to be honest, even if you had a closer relationship with them, there is generally something about biological relationships and the bloodline that is much stronger.

The majority of people are aware of this, and are accepting of this when it comes to inheritance, although problems will still arise. That even occurs alot in families that are not blended.

I think it's the parent of a biological child who has made a decision to become a blended family who feels this the most, and therefore has the most problems with it, even though they understand the dynamics. However, aside from the partners/spouses that were part of this decision to blend also, other family members cannot be held responsible in any way in regards to their money, especially, and the decisions they make about it going forward that might negatively impact any children in that blended family unit. It's selfish and unjust to try and make anyone feel guilty and wrong about that.

It should not be an expectation for GP's, especially, to treat SC equally. A natural bond and favouritism naturally takes over. I hope that I would just be extremely appreciative if the SC are treated equally for the most part and where it truly matters, by anyone.

By the way, I am speaking in general terms, and not about the OP fully, as she has stated that it is the families right to give whatever to whomever they choose in regards to inheritance. .

Then her kids will have the fall out from one getting more than the other,people need to stop been greedy and be thankful she gave her money away to anyone in the first place,that's the thing with society today we all expect waaayyy to much off others and give nothing back

😂 😂

Sorry but I cnt believe your having to have a conversation like this,the money is for each child not there parents so once they fly the nest or grow old enough to have there money they will all have it individually, so will all have the same anyway,just coz the have 3 kids it's still split between them all equally,your Lucky she did a will,my dad passed away 12 years ago now and didn't leave a will as my sister got her greedy hands on the lot coz she was the "older one" even tho my dad brought me up on he's own and she 15 years older than me and hardly ever went to see him,be thankful they got something and don't make yourself look greedy and ungrateful for what your child has got,some will miss out some won't in every family so try not take it to heart

To all the people saying it should be the same...bla bla.

I met my half brother's gp maybe 4 or 5 times before they died.

Do you really think I should have inherited from them?

The family definitely have OP’s number, going by previous threads. OP was already NC with them before this thread.

I think in a lot of cases, children really don't need an explanation when they are in blended families and where both biological parents are still alive. These children usually have an ongoing relationship with the parent that they don't live with and there is a clear difference between the SP's, the SC, the biological P's and the biological C, normally.

All the family members are aware of this and are usually accepting of these family dynamics, but most parents of blended families do try and treat the SC and biological ones the same, as much as possible.

So, I believe not being included in a certain inheritance would not necessarily come as a shock, as the family dynamics are understood to quite a great level as the C grow, I believe. I just think it might hit a SC harder at that time. I don't necessarily think an explanation of Why?, is needed. However, in this case, a reminder from the OP that her DS1 will be in the position to inherit one day too, from her and his biological father. I'm not sure about biological GP's.

I'm not sure enough credit is being given to DS1 from the OP. I think it is her that needs to come to terms with it. I wonder if she feels some element of guilt for putting him in that position by becoming a blended family. Maybe it is so apparent to her that he is now going to feel like an outsider to a great degree, in her opinion, and she feels responsible for that. Perhaps that is her struggle.

Sexism with regard to negative judgment aimed at women with children from different fathers, which is apparent in many responses. It’s the 21st century. Divorce and separation are common and children generally stay with their mothers. OP should have understood what the dynamic would be regarding her son and any potential stepfather if she wanted love between them plus equal treatment for him and any future siblings. She can’t direct what her partner’s mother will do regarding her ‘blood’ GS, but before she hooked up with her partner, rather than complaining about him prioritising his biological son perhaps it would have been better to establish whether that would be the case before they created another child.

No one is obliged to do this. To right ‘the wrong’ There is nothing with children inheriting from their parents and extended family. It’s perfectly natural.

When the child is old enough an honest explanation might be needed, so that they grow up understanding the reason for the differences. Each child will have different experiences, as they have different parents/heritsge. All the blending in the world won’t change that.

Wasn't reference made to her stepson having to keep his inheritance secret from her son ? Nothing to do with privacy. (Of course that assumes they have a relationship of course). No one is suggesting that she gets involved in tattle telling between them. That would be madness

They are not married

There are terrifying statistics about the awful
impact of having a step parent in the home on the life of a child.

This thread really shows why in full view. If a child is forced into a “blended family” but never treated equally to the “biological children” I can only imagine how that would
affect you psychologically. people will always say they are treated fairly but the child knows deep down, if it isn’t brazen and often it is. But people show their true colours in their wills.

I think you should absolutely right the disparity for your older son when and if you have the chance and if your husband doesn’t agree I’d be questioning the father he is.

Do you expect your eldest to share his inheritance from his father's side of the family?

I don't get why this is an issue when he will still inherit separately?

As much as OP says it's not about expecting inheritance from her DP's family, all the emotions stemming from this arrangement being "unfair" to her first child kind of suggest she is. It would have been obvious by bringing a child into a new relationship that things will inevitably not be the same. Even with best of intentions, I would think there is a natural bias with the biological child. If the relationship doesn't work out not like DP got any claims to the elder child.

Just make it clear to both boys they inherit from their own father's side and anything else if they ever get any is a bonus. If one family is richer than the other, well the mother picked to have a second partner and child. Realise it early on such is life rather than bringing them up like they are exactly the same as it will only bring failed expectations later on.

It’s not about ‘keeping secrets’, it’s about respecting someone else’s right to privacy. Her son is an adult, and his finances are his business - if he wants to share that information his brother it’s up to him, not OP.

As if OP telling her eldest couldn’t have negative consequences for her relationships with her sons and partner.

That's a terrible imposition to put on these boys and the secret keeping will create problems in the future no doubt. Talk about storing up trouble! I feel for you but you seem to be in an impossible situation considering your DPs attitude, and that seems threaded through his family. Very unhealthy, but not for you to solve

This is the awful consequence, creating unnecessary secrets and possibly stress for those who inherited. I can't think how you can even it out. Whatever you do will create imbalance. Can you, loan the elder son money of your own for house purchase, at 'no interest' ?

Yes, but they're not married. He isn't her husband. He isn't her child's stepfather. The dead grandmother isn't her MIL.