One child has inherited AGAIN

This is what can happen in blended families. Think of it this way - you manipulate/ persuade/ suggest that DD with the inheritance shares with his brother as you deem this fair.... you damage your and their relationship by doing this as the DS seen it as his money (which it is).

Then years down the line DS who did not not inherited ends up with a large bonus/better job/ lottery win etc this could end up with the DS who inherited feeling that that new fortune should be shared or even the original amount refunded.

Leave it alone. Do not lie but it's also NOT your place to share other people's financial situation

Indeed. This is all about OP, despite her telling herself and mumsnet it’s about her son. He’s even told her to that he wishes she hadn’t behaved as she did, and that he’s been harmed by it, but she’s still persisting. For what? Because she thinks if she keeps going she’ll eventually be proved right and she can say it was all worth it? It’s been two decades of drama and they haven’t and won’t bend to her will. Instead, she’s pushed them completely away and they’ve ended up putting (clearly necessary) protections in place so she won’t be able to get her hands on their assets or influence her youngest son to cough up what she thinks should be his brother’s.

I don’t think she has any intention of changing her mindset and accepting the reality of the situation for what it is.

For sure she has damaged her relationship with them both. There was one of her threads I read that really bothered me. At the wedding of one of her partner's relatives, the photographer wanted to take a father and son photo ie. her partner and the youngest child. The OP flipped out and dragged the child away. The poor kid can't even have a photo taken with his own father because the OP thinks it's unfair to her oldest. I can't really blame him for not wanting to share his inheritance tbh. He's been compensating all his life for his brother having a different father. And now the OP wants to cut him out of her will. It's crazy.

the stay in their comment referred to the anger often expressed here is step mothers take on the role of the mother - when there is an active and involved mother already in the child life.

like it or not - step grandparents and grandparents aren’t the same. No matter how much you pretend otherwise. In the same way a step- parent is not the same as a parent (legally or emotionally).

I’m not so sure she hasn’t. Or that she hasn’t fucked up her own relationships with them. She got ‘very upset’ when finding out that her youngest wasn’t going to split his earlier inheritance, so I do wonder to what degree she’s expected him to compensate his brother, not just monetarily but emotionally.

He's already 18

I agree with you 💯

@TheOnionEyes As can be seen in your family, I think whether the other parent is involved makes a big difference in how these things play out. When there is only one parent present, it's much easier for a stepfather/mother to become a parent to the child and for the extended family to step into the role of grandparents, aunts, uncles if they wish etc. But when the child has both parents in their life, there isn't a need for the stepfather/mother to take over as a parent, which also means the extended family is unlikely to take the child on as one of their own. When there isn't someone absent, people generally stay in their lanes.

Money doesn’t equal happiness. There’s nothing to say the richer sibling will be any happier. What can you do? I wouldn’t treat either differently and I don’t think I’d mention anything to either of them until the inheriting one turns 18.

I would just like to share my story on this matter.

My brother has a 10 year old SD, which he has been actively helping to raise in every way since she was 1 year old. However, the biological father is not in the picture or the country, even. My brother went on to have his own child, who is now 5 years old. He treats the 2 of them exactly the same, and as far as I am aware, he has left equal amounts for them in his will.

Now, I commend him and support him with how he chooses to raise his children. That is how he sees them both, as his, and that is how we see them too. However, he does not expect his SD to inherit from our parents. His belief is that it was his decision and responsibility to take on another man's child.

I do believe my mum is leaving a financial gift for his SD, who calls my mum granny and the rest of us, Aunty and Uncle, but she is leaving more to her natural grandchildren. I do not think our dad has any plans of leaving anything to her, and I personally am fine and happy with everyone's choices and decisions.

Now, on the other hand, my niece, my sisters 1st child, was in a blended family for years and understood that perfectly. She is now an adult with her own house, but she never expected anything from her mother's boyfriend. She understood that her 2 sisters would inherit from both him (their biological dad) and her mum (their mother also), and she would inherit from her mother and her own biological father, although she never has relied on any inheritance, or even expected it. She has a good relationship with her biological father and has never entertained the possibility of receiving from outside of her own biological family. She was and is very content with that, too. It was never an issue for her.

We both feel like if you receive anything from whether biological family, or not, it is just a bonus. An inheritance is not even expected, but we would be very grateful.

It's actually a miracle that she hasn't fucked up the relationship between the brothers.

No, she doesn’t. She had a relationship with him when they were in the same company, but never considered him to be, or treated him as, a grandchild.

OP’s son, per her other thread, sat her down and told her that her approach of trying to push him onto them left him feeling awkward and embarrassed, and that he wished she hadn’t tried to force the narrative that her in laws were more to him than they were.

It’s standard for stepparents to leave only to their biological children. It really isn’t bizarre at all.

OP also doesn’t seem to think a stepparent that isn’t her partner should leave to stepchildren - she was very upset in a previous thread about her ex potentially adopting his stepson because it would reduce their son’s inheritance.

Both are her sons. He’s her husband’s stepson, not OP’s.

No, her partner told her that it’s not on her to share her youngest’s financial information, not that he couldn’t.

You're deluding yourself if you believe anyone should be entitled to anything. I don't believe you think that unless you are in the ops shoes and is a chancer as well. Why don't you teach your children that hardwork pays and to get your own things.

I genuinely can’t see how people can think this would be ok…by the same token the elder child’s father’s parents should be expected to leave something in their will to the younger child’s which their son’s ex partner has gone on to have with someone else. How can you not think this sounds bonkers?

One of my children (who is childless) is in a relationship with someone with children. We had a conversation early doors re these children not being our grandchildren-they have 2 sets of grandparents themselves, and should my child have a child themself, there WILL be a difference, although token gifts will be given at birthday/easter/xmas etc.

My child was astounded to think it would be any other way.

I think some mumsnet users fall over themselves to be seen to be inclusive when the bigger picture can be that younger half siblings can end up at a huge detriment

I’m beginning to realise there’s a whole backstory here! 🤔 She doesn’t have a grandparent/grandchild relationship with the older son? Did he leave the house when she came to call? It becomes more opaque with each response

Well yes I think the same applies to any of the boys’ grandparents. I didn’t say equal shares. Just an acknowledgment her GS has a half brother (they have the same mother. Her son’s life partner). Where’s the ‘entitlement’ (rolling eyes) in that? Otherwise it takes ‘me and mine’ to a whole other, self-centred level

@TheMerryCritic They aren't married. I don't know how many people would leave money to their son's girlfriend's child from another relationship who they don't have a grandparent-grandchild relationship with.

Yeah, I don't know if @TheMerryCritic has read OPs previous threads on the issue, but it would've taken a looooooot of provision to stop discord from OP on this issue. I don't think this is one of those issues where a token few grand would have sufficed.

I wouldn't quite say that it takes nothing to have a child. It means so much to many women. There are very many who struggle to conceive and go full term too. Some women deliberately go about taking drastic measurements to have a child and spend thousands of pounds doing so, and can still fail. However, I do understand what you are trying to say about marriage.

I do think the grandmother could have made some provision (of whatever nature) for her biological GS’s half brother, if only to avoid the potential discord which has clearly come to pass.

@TheMerryCritic
🙄 The entitlement is overwhelming why should his mother leave anything. She didn't marry her or lay down and create children with her she had no say in the matter. Her son choose the op her child. The ops son has another family should his family leave any provision for his younger brother? Or is it because op is a woman with a child and is looked at as vulnerable? He should be entitled to inherit from his family even though he will be sorted.

She doesn’t have a stepson. They are both her sons

Stepmothers should ‘stay in their lane’, is the general consensus then? Blimey. Sounds like Cinderella. I do think the grandmother could have made some provision (of whatever nature) for her biological GS’s half brother, if only to avoid the potential discord which has clearly come to pass. After all her son married a mother. Are we to assume he thought her child was just collateral baggage? And she accepted this imbalance it seems. I thought the notion a man (or woman) could only love (or be expected to have moral responsibility for) their biological children went out with the fifties. It’s a harsh view of the world. So much for the ‘modern’ family.

Op is a chancer