One child has inherited AGAIN

As I read it, OP has two sons who are half-brothers. The older one has a different father to the younger. It is the relatives of the father of the younger who have left the money to their nephew/grandchild but not to the father’s step son (the older child). The older child also has a father but his family are unlikely to leave his son anything (though if they win the lottery they might and would also likely ignore the younger son)

It's interesting isn't it, I think I would have felt this as well. I have a half sibling and she has two children.

She was estranged from my father and I often wondered if he would bypass us both - her because they hadn't spoken in years and me because he didn't want my mum to benefit through me and leave his money to her two kids and to my son. I think I would have been annoyed if he'd split it 3 ways rather than half to be shared between them and half to my son. But in the event he did leave it all to me and my sister didn't raise it at all - she really didn't want anything from him.

Sometimes people do weird things with their wills. I know one family where there were two daughters and one had predeceased their mother. Instead of splitting the money half and half between the living daughter and the two offspring off the sister who'd passed away, they left half the money to the living sister and the other half split between all the grandchildren. Seemed a odd way of doing things to me.

Could you not?

I have no idea what to do about it, but I can most definitely empathise with the OP as a mother - and I only have 1 child!

don't you think that the mil might have left to grandchildren so that the ones with 3 and 2 siblings aren't disadvantaged? i.e....a third of her money left to a son, who has to split that between 3 kids Vs your husband who would split it between 2 kids, or if only biologically, he would have the lot to himself?

what happens when kids are left money, does it stay inaccessible until they are 18? in your position, if I had access to it, I would split it between the 2 of them. she is dead, she will never know

Meanwhile the OP might well not be protecting herself financially if she's not married to this man with rich relations.

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings
WTF! Who does that in this day and age?

It’s the consequences of having multiple fathers for your kids. Me and my siblings have three fathers between us and so I know first hand the issues. Also why I post so harshly against blended families. You’ll just have to live with it.

Pretty shit for the female blood relatives of half brother. What sexist behaviour!

Fortune can always strike our kids in different ways.

Your eldest might win the lottery and end up with far more than the younger. Either could become disabled… or marry someone with boundless wealth… etc.

Would you leave your money to a step grandchild? (Who knows!).

You could choose to leave your own part of your assets to your Dc in a compensatory way, your will is your will and doesn’t have to mirror your DH’s, but this is not your DH’s issue to solve.

It sounds like they aren’t, no. It sounds as though Op has a son from a previous marriage, and is concerned that son number 2 has inherited money from the family of husband number 2. Son number 1 would of course only inherit from the family of husband number 1. Both sons will presumably inherit from their mother.

Interesting posting history.

In one of OPs old posts she states she was upset that her older son's dad was considering adopting his step child. OP was upset as this would impact her older son's future inheritance.

Touché.

I don’t understand why you expect inheritance to go to a child that doesn’t belong to your partner or for your partner to leave any money to your older child. Have you even gotten married? Has he adopted your older child?

I understand why your partner is annoyed about an even split among grandchildren. I would have split by branches and then subdivided, so 1/3 to each group of grandchildren, with the resulting individual values ranging from 1/9 to 1/3. It’s just a personal preference though and some people like to keep it even across the 2nd generation instead of the 1st.

I don't really understand! Are your other DC not your in laws' relatives?

I'm the eldest child in a similar type of family - obviously and clearly "othered" by my mother's subsequent husband. Unfortunately it's very much a "shit happens" situation and all you can do as a parent is to make sure your eldest feels as loved and accepted as their sibling.

People sometimes really suck and that's how shit the world is.

I personally wouldn't leave inequal money /assets to my children. They are both your children. I wouldn't want one to feel less important or loved. You want to even the playing field, and I get that, but this is a blended family. Your youngest has inherited, generational wealth, from their dads side of the family. Your oldest is unrelated. I don't think it's unfair. It's just life as a blended family.

And hence it would always be better for inheritance to pass directly to children for them to do as they see fit when it comes to their turn to pass things on.

Actually, our solicitors strongly advised us to keep it simple with our kids - leave it all to them basically.

Assuming OP @EWAB is from a different culture or married into one as I can't believe anyone nowadays only passing inheritance to males, not the females. That's pretty shocking.

Many countries have strict rules on a certain percentage having to pass to the children. Sometimes wish that was the case here.

And my MIL is planning on giving her money between her biological grandkids. I'd be shocked if she gave any money to my SiL'S husband's kids from his previous marriage. Who aren't related to her.

Please don't ask the younger one to give away his money. It isn't his fault.

It’s not really anyone’s fault that your DP s family is better off than your first DH . Some people are fortunate enough to inherit and others aren’t .
I’ll never inherit a penny but my DS have both revived substantial sums from in laws . That’s just how it is
You don’t need your DP permission to change your will though , if you want to leave more of your own money to your older DS that's your business . DP can do what he likes with his
.

I'm sorry op. That's very hard and it's awful watching this unfold and seeing the difference it will make to one of your children while the other misses out.

I agree with what you've said, that it's their money and unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do other than adjust your will to favour your eldest child more. I understand why youd be upset your dh doesn't want to do this but equally i can see why he might be hesitant given how it might come across at the time and given that you don't know what position your kids will be in by then.

However in the meantime I think you coping with this will come down to helping your elder child understand that life is unfair and different people all have different starting points in life and to work for everything and feel entitled to nothing but respect. And at the same time teach your younger child that they've been exceptionally lucky and it's important for them to be aware of the privilege that comes with that.

I think, maybe there's something that needs unpicking around you trying to pretend that your family is more blended than it actually is. (In not sure how else to word it). I fully get why you'd be striving for this - you have two children who you love and you want the best for both and for things to be fair- but realistically it's not what they're actually going to grow up experiencing and I think it's maybe better to address and accept this so they can grow up recognising that it's a result of the situation rather than anything to do with them. I'd be worried that if you're upset and annoyed about it (I get why you would be) they might pick up on that and internalise it in a way that might affect self esteem.

I think maybe, focusing on how capable your children are, how confident you can make them, the work ethic you can instill in them and the importance of looking after each other as brothers and being supportive of each other would help you because that's something you can control and that you can provide equally. I think there's going to need to be a conversation at some point with your youngest about why your will might look uneven but that's for much further down the line.

Blending a family is very difficult and there's so many different layers to it. It sounds to me like you've been doing a great job so far but you're struggling to accept your own limitations with it. What's important is that you've two children who you love and who have a mummy who's prepared to fight for them. I just think you need to not burn yourself or relationships out by trying to push things further than they can actually go.

I think it's fair enough. If one of my children married someone who already had children, I wouldn't want those children to have an inheritance from me. I would see that as unfair on my blood relations.

Aside from your feelings towards the situation, what are the feelings/ thoughts of the child who hasn’t inherited, is he taking it badly
Is there any chance the child who inherited twice would give the other child a portion?

Why should you expect relations to do something you are not expecting of your younger son - to give some money to his brother?

Please don’t let your partner stay there until he dies.

If you die next week, your child may have to wait another 30 or 40 years to inherit from you. Meanwhile his late mum’s former partner could be living there with his new wife and kids, while your family bring up your children.

My mother died first and left my db and I her estate.
My df had use of her share of the house until he died
They set it up like that and I would suggest OP makes arrangements to do the same to safeguard her eldest inheritance .
Its also worth noting they sign agreed reciprocal wills, this will protect the eldest son from being disinherited by OPs dh.

The other thought that occurs to me is, are you on good terms with your elder son’s dad to discuss this with him?