One child has inherited AGAIN

@EWAB YABU.

Your two sons don't have the same dads and the younger one has inherited from his dad's family.

It's not your husbands fault that this has happened. Nor is it your younger sons fault.

That's life.

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

It would probably have led to merry hell had a male UNRELATED child inherited where the FEMALE related children did not.

There may be ructions anyway resulting from MIL's bro's weird, sexist decision making but at least you and your fam won't bear any of the brunt of it.

Really interesting to see how categorical this thread is. Not long before Christmas there was a 1000-post thread of an older step-daughter being left out of a pantomime invitation from her younger sister's aunt. Tbf, that was a particularly glaring and gross and unnecessary boundary drawn (the SD was 9yo, and it was pantomime tickets at Christmas, terrible way to treat a young girl) but the point was repeatedly made that the younger DD's family aren't obliged to bring the older SD into their family for the very reasons outlined on this thread wrt inheritance. The point was also made on that thread as it has been on this one once or twice, that it might actually be kinder to the step-child to draw the line early on and raise the siblings from the outset with the baseline understanding that they have different wider families. This thread is what that other thread would be in a decade or so.

The bottom line is that the burden is on the common parent - who, let's face it, created the problem in the first place - to make good this dilemma. None of the hurt the step-child feels would exist if it weren't for the common parent choosing to have children with two different partners. The extended families are red herrings. The issue is just brought to the fore by their actions (which are completely valid imo). I understand that it must be awful seeing one of your children so widely discriminated against: but that child is carrying the consequences of the parent's actions. It's massively unfair and there are many, many widowed and divorced parents who don't enter into new relationships for this very reason.

The only will and inheritance you can control is your own. And that is how it should be. You are unreasonable to expect your partner's family to leave inheritance to someone not related to them. Are you actually married? Your 'MiL' obviously wanted to leave her estate equally to her grandchildren and your partner took umbrage at that, wanting the estate split between himself and siblings (if she had followed this your younger DC would have got even more).

(I agree the males only inheriting sounds Dickensian!)

Ooooooh ha ha ha!

So OP is a bit of a hypocrite…

Did I read it right that you wanted your partner to amend your wills to benefit his step child and not his biological child? That not fair or reasonable.

I am afraid comig to terms with it is all you can do. If your children are close and your son has inherited more than he needs, perhaps he will give his stepbrother some of his inheritance? But that would be quite unusual and would have to be his idea.

This is the risk you take if you choose to have children with different fathers and therefore different extended families. Completely reasonable for MIL and her brother to only leave money to their grandchildren. Leaving only to the males does seem awful but that doesn’t seem to be your issues as you have 2 sons, your issue seems to be they didn’t leave to your elder child despite being no relation. How many non-relations are you leaving your money to?

This has happened in my family (and will happen again). It's not uncommon and it's quite logical.

This. It’s weird - like they are seeing the children’s money as theirs.

I know my parents wills and it leaves some money to their kids AND their grandkids.

As I have no children by this logic I miss out but I don’t. The grandchildren’s money is for them.m
Agree re: only male relatives. It is his money but he clearly thinks men hold greater value than women.

As for my relationship, my partner refused to consider changing our wills leaving more to elder child who was at the time very unlikely to inherit from his own father. He is now on property ladder but any inheritance will pale into insignificance compared with younger child’s

You are trying to compensate for what your older son didn't get and your husband wants to share the estate equally. Money is the root of all evil and can tear families apart. Do your children have a good relationship and do you want to preserve that?

@EWAB

We do not really own anything tangible - we are merely tenants at any moment in time.

Everybody has the ability to make their own decisions with what they have.

The deceased cannot control what beneficiaries do once inheritances are vested.

We can teach our children values which change the rules.

My childless uncle had a similar reaction when his father, my grandfather, skipped a generation in his will. My cousins and I were all independent adults at the time, and even had we not been, the money was ours - not our parents'. I think this attitude stems from a notion that children are not separate entities from their parents.

Haven't read the whole thread. However, I think it's totally weird when grandparents leave money to grandchildren, and their parents complain - 'this isn't fair because I only have two kids and my brother has four'. To me that doesn't seem unfair at all - the money is split equally between the living grandchildren fgs! That's who the grandparents wanted to bequeath their money, not their own children, so...

However, leaving money only to MALE relatives is awful and another matter entirely!

I got a bit lost with all the relationships but honestly, it does not matter. People can leave their money to whomever and however they choose and it is NO-ONE else's business. I don't understand why this is even a thing especially as the OP has even stated this in the original post. I don't understand the drama.

I don’t know what there is to come to terms with. Your child is not their relative. Your first child has a father and that father’s family and I am sure they would not leave anything to your younger son so it evens out.

The late half brother sounds like sexist trash though.

It's unclear from the OP if there are female DGC who also haven't inherited.
To be honest to me that would be a lot worse than not including a step DGC.

“The fallout was quite seismic for lots of reasons. My partner felt that as he only had one child the family of the brother with 3 children benefitted disproportionately.

Seems like your partner is mistakenly viewing his child’s inheritance as his own.

I know exactly how I'd feel 'no way!' In fact it would make me work harder to secure my DC's inheritance from me, and make it watertight.

That would be your choice, which doesn’t mean that someone making a different one would be wrong. He may love and care about his brother, but that doesn’t oblige him to share the money rightfully his, bequeathed by his relatives. Than doesn’t mean he’s lording it either.

It’s not a given that he could share it tbh, even if he wanted to. That would depend on whether he has full control of the money as an adult, or if it’s managed by a trust.

If it is a HUGE amount your second one is getting, you could then just leave everything of yours to your first born? Although, your dh has the right to say where is share goes, I am just talking about any of your own estate/inheritance. But make sure to explain to your younger one why the reasons are. He should understand.

the son is already an adult I think- she mentioned he's on the housing ladder

But whole life insurance policies are v expensive (because the outcome is basically a certainty so it's really just an investment vehicle). A term life insurance (the normal sort) is used to pay out while you have obligations like a mortgage but if the OP lives to old age, it would have probably expired.

Can you not ensure you gift your oldest son more when he is older? so a depoist for a home etc?

Thats what I would do.

Not sure how I would feel if my husband told me I need to leave bigger proportion to his son from the first marriage because he won't be inheriting much from his mother, or because my parents are not including him in the will...

I'm sure it feels terrible. However... I've left my estate between my sons, and my one biological grandchild. If either or both of my sons predecease me, their share goes to that child.

I love my step-grandchildren to bits, btw, but made decision is because they have their own biological families (in the case of two of the kids, far wealthier than me) from whom I expect them to inherit. If they don't, that's an issue for their biological parents to raise and deal with, I'm afraid.

My husband - not my sons' father - feels much the same, and his estate is largely left to his biological nieces.

But your husband can't tell you what to do with your estate.