One child has inherited AGAIN

I can understand why you feel a bit out of sorts however hopefully your elder son will come to accept that he and his brother have different families and as a result different inheritances.

I do think you need to accept this though. Your emotional reaction to money seems disproportionate.

siblings often have very different lives and incomes. Your younger son has just come into his wealth more easily than most.

maybe you need some counseling to help you understand why you are having such a very strong reaction to this?

@EWAB Would your youngest share the inheritance with his brother?

I can't offer words of comfort, and my advice on how to move forward is: just continue as you are. Stop focusing on your pain, stop thinking about money, stop thinking about the disparity between your sons, just stop it all and move on.

What else can you do?

You're dwelling on something that you can't do anything about. Nobody has done anything wrong here. It's just an unfortunate set of circumstances (yes the result of your actions but I'm sure the joys of both boys outweigh the pain). There's no need to be dramatic about it, or for this to cause you "a lot of pain". What help would being in pain do to anyone? This is just one aspect of your relationship with them, and you will throw the baby out with the bathwater if you dwell on it.

Just move on. What's done can't be undone.

I would speak with my partner, and all my children, and advise them I am choosing to leave my inheritance to X to balance out the financial situation

This, if your able to, I couldn't not do it.

My children have different fathers, one will possibly inherit if no care fees etc. The other won't get anything.

Your elder child is not a grand child to your MIL. Asking your partner to leave more to someone else's kid is just ridiculous. Be grateful he is getting anything. If you want your children to have fully equal lives don't have them with different men.

If you have your own property, leave that to your eldest. Your husband doesn’t even need to know.

Your husband can’t have it both ways. He can’t tell you people can leave their estate to whom they wish and then tell you you shouldn’t leave your estate only to your eldest.

Life is not fair. Some people never inherit anything, others nothing more than a few pounds. Google says 70-80% inherit nothing. Teach your own children to be proud of what they achieve themselves, not what they inherit.

It would also be unkind to "redress the balance" in your will, this could mean your other child thinks you loved them less.

I've met Jeff Bezos but I'm not sure that's how it works, sadly for me ;-)

Money ghouls? The MIL had a right to leave her money to her grandchildren.
The male relative who only left to male relatives sounds a dick to do that - but it was his money. It was his choice.
The fact is that OP and her partner may go through all sorts of life changes, as things happen. I have a will but I have a feeling anything in my home will
probably end up funding my care, such is the way the world seems to be going.
Yes, we should plan for the future and be as fair as we can but that’s all a person can do.
Blended families are difficult and there are no hard and fast rules.
OP was upset in a previous thread that her ex wanted to adopt a child who wasn’t his natural child, but now feels her new other half should leave more to his stepson than his own natural son.
All of this anger and sense of unfairness seeps into families and down to children who otherwise could live happily without it.
I have seen so many families torn apart by this stuff, and it’s not worth it. It brings such negativity and depleted resilience.
The more we learn about being independent, and finding our own paths, the better off we are.
I have also seen people who have received large sums literally blow them.
Enjoy your health, if you have it. Enjoy your family and the relationships you have with people you love and care about.
At the end of the day, taking personal offence on behalf of your children changes nothing.

I woujld imagine its both surely, she knows its logical and right but is also upset about it

I think she is unreasonable but she clearly feels sorry for her older son.

There's a lot of focus here on inheritance, isn't there.

It's also terrible advice because if the OP dies first, and, as is more usual with married couples, the house is held as joint tenants, her DH will automatically get that, so her estate to pass to her older DS will be fairly small. Her DH, as the surviving spouse, knows what she did and now feels justified in changing his will to only benefit his child. His estate, which will likely include the house, will be substantially larger ( unless it goes on care costs: always a risk) so the younger son could end up with a third stroke of inheritance luck.

OP, you are asking about how to move forward but your life hasn’t stopped because one child has got some money. My brother has loads more money than me as he worked as a c-suite in a major national company. I chose to work in social work. Ours lives are financially very different.

Completely irrelevant. Elder child is not related to the deceased. Therefore, elder child has no rights to estate. Leave your younger child to do with the money as he pleases. Don’t force DH to change his will.

sometimes thats the way things happen, at a guess its upto the brothers if they want to share but other than that is down to the individuals themselves to do what they perceive is their moral compass,

@EWAB Do you recall that you didn't want your ex to adopt his step child, as it would affect your eldests inheritance? Do you still feel the same about that?

There is nothing you can do, it's done. However you can make a will, surely?

Clearly I'm in the minority here but this seems shitty, especially as it sounds as if there is loads of money to go round. When my grandad died he left an equal amount to 8 grandchildren, including my cousin who was not a blood relative (his mum had him before marrying my uncle, he came into the family at 12 years old).
I don't get why she would have wanted her blood grandchild's half brother to be so disadvantaged.

Vast financial disparity could have happened anyway, look at celebrity siblings.

You have to live the hand you are dealt and make the most of it.

As long as your son is happy and content in his life with enough money to meet his needs he is in a better situation than many in the world.

If your husband dies first you can change the will.

Money shows the true nature of a persons inner most souls. Your husband’s family and your husband are all money ghouls, be glad your other DS is free of their grasp.

Nope, my husband doesn't think he can tell me what I have in my will (& same for me and his will) unlike OPs 'partner' who refused to let her change her will.

They have different families thats why!!!

Of course they will have different experiences and outcomes (generally speaking), they dont have the same paternal family

"I'm far more shocked about your partner's relative leaving his money to the boys and not the girls. That's appalling."

I made a comment about this earlier. There was a case in the High Court two years ago where exactly this happened.

Everything left to the sons and the wife and daughters had nothing. The wife was kicked out of the family home and only had a state pension (or it might even have been pension credit).

One son wanted to share with the mother but the other didn't so it ended up going to court.

The wife was awarded 50% of the estate (the whole estate was well upwards of £1 million).