One child has inherited AGAIN

Yes you can believe two different things at once, its a normal human thing

Personally I think she is money obsessed and a drama queen, all this talk of being in a lot of pain

Her children are presumably loved, valued, settled, seemingly have lives, jobs, somewhere to live, clean, warm and healthy

Whats the pain for?

You didn’t want your DH to adopt your elder child because you didn’t want to risk any inheritance from his biological father. Do you realise how utterly hypocritical you sound now the shoe is on the other foot and he is, to your mind, losing out?
Oh and don’t suggest or put pressure on your younger DC to share either.

Our children have had very different lives. DSS went to private school, had multiple foreign holidays a year for example, and will inherit at least two properties (or the proceeds of). DH and mine two children were to the local schools and any inheritance from grandparents if there is any after care proceeds etc (an estate worth far less) will be split between them and 6 cousins.

We have accepted that and whilst our wills reflect that DH had 3 biological children and I have 2, they don't and never could make up for the financial differences.

👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻

I feel sorry for you, it’s not right but your children have vastly different fathers clearly.

coming to terms with it, conversations could be had with both kids about sharing fairly?
money doesn’t always buy happiness though!

I understand that you are upset abiut the disparity, but your elder son has a family via his actual dad who he may/may not inherit from.

Your partners family are not blood related to your child from a previous relationship and therefore have no obligation to consider him.

I also agree with your partner than your will should be split 50/50 between your 2 children. That said he is not forced to do the same and could leave 100% to your shared child.

With the greatest of respect you need to get over it.

Of course you want your two children, whom you love equally and want to support equally, to have the same chances in life.
But they don't, in this case because they have different fathers with different backgrounds and different family values.
There could have been other circumstances that meant one had more choices than the other. For example if one was disabled and the other not, or if one had undergone some trauma that the other had not.
Perhaps it would help to look at it like this: your elder son will not have the financial advantages that his brother has, but he has much else to give him a good start in life, including your unconditional love.
Life isn't fair, and sometimes the most peaceful way to live with that is simply accept it.

All you can do is model to your eldest son that this is the way it is, accept it and get on with your life, not making a big deal of it.
If you need to get some therapy to help you do that I think you should.
Making a big deal of it will signal to your eldest son that this is catastrophic for his future. Who knows what his financial future will be: he may have a lucrative career etc.

You said you're in pain that's strong. I hope you don't transfer your feelings to your son or else he will feel indifferent.

Your issue is not the choice of partner. It's the choice of two partners from different backgrounds, then being surprised that the second one's family isn't that keen on passing family money to a child who is not related to them.

Honestly it might sound harsh and it's a bit of a case of hindsight being 20/20, but seriously, these issues could have been predicted or at least anticipated.

Like PP said, life isn't fair. It gets easier once you (general you) accept that. The youngest shouldn't be made to share, none of this is his doing.

This is going to happen in my extended family. The person who will inherit less has a very success career and the sibling much less so. Their parents have decided the sibling with the less good career will inherit 95%, the other just 5%.
The one inheriting less is devastated as to them it feels like the parents place a higher “value” on the main inheritor.
The one who is inheriting the 5% is pretty wealthy and had the will been 50/50, would have absolutely passed most of it over to their sibling, and told the parents so, but they’re adamant it’s to be 95/5. So now not only do they feel of lower value, but also that the parents don’t trust them to do the morally right thing. It’s caused a huge amount of hurt

When I lived with my son’s dad, I insisted on being tenants in common and we both wrote our own wills. Mine said that a larger chunk of my share would go to my daughter from another relationship, and so did he’s (his daughter from another relationship) and that our son would benefit from the remainder of both our estates which roughly made up a third.
Anyway, it was a good idea at the time. We have split up now and my estate is split 50/50, with there dads I’m not sure what will happen. But I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to personally help one of them out more than the other and I think that is fine, hopefully the other child will understand when it comes too it.

Your in pain because your older son is not inheriting from his step grandmother or step uncle. Are you serious?

Just because he married you and you came with child it doesn't mean you deserve wealth from his family. Are they rich is that what this is about? You don't sound right at all.

OP, life isn't fair. 'Fairness' is a childish concept. It doesn't happen. Your dcs were born in the UK, I presume. That automatically makes their futures unfairly advantaged cf. all the kids born in less stable/prosperous countries.
Their health will be different. Their partners too. If you could buy them identical houses, you couldn't buy them identical neighbours. If they drove identical cars, they would hit different potholes. You could buy them lottery tickets, premium bonds, but you couldn't control the outcomes.
I think you will come to terms with this bit of luck for your youngest when you get past the idea of 'fair.'

Of course she feels sorry for her son, I would too in this situation. But there’s an element of expectation in the OP that doesn’t align with the twice stated “their money their choice” comment.

I genuinely have no idea what you think is wrong here? Your older son is not your mother-in-law's grandchild nor anything to do with the Uncle. Why the hell would they give inheritance to your son?
Presumably your older son has his own dad and family to inherit from. Get a grip. Your son is not their responsibility, he's yours and his own fathers.

The injustice here is towards the female grandchildren, not to your eldest.

It's normal for siblings to have completely different lives and financial situations though. They marry different partners and chose different professions etc. I have way more financial security than my sister even though she works equally hard.

I think that fortune and luck are just random. Inherited wealth is not something that happens in my family or my circle. I would look on it like a lottery win. You had a child with a ticket. I would feel pretty neutral about it. Like a lottery win, it's not necessarily a good thing. Life throws all kinds of random stuff at us. Health is what's important and worrying about some inherited money is not good for it.

Why would your son inherit from someone else's Grandma?

I'm a step child and I have no clue what my stepsisters inherited. It's not my business. Not my family.

I don't see the issue. Not to mention no one knows how life will turn out .

I'm the daughter of homeless drug addicts adopted from care.

I'm financially in a decent place.

I know former rich kids struggling with addictions who are pretty broke now as adults.

Money means very little in the end.

There are far more important legacies we leave behind.