One child has inherited AGAIN

Unfortunately it is the risk you take in having children with someone whonalready has children.

Would you be as upset if your partner had a child from a previous relationship and your great aunt fanny left money to your 2 children and not to your dsc?

@EWAB I've found that sometimes acknowledging that something isn't fair can take part of the sting away. It isn't fair that your younger son has more inheritance than your older one, but it is what it is.

Could you set up (depending on his age) either a junior ISA or a lifetime ISA for your eldest and pay a regular, but affordable amount into that? You haven't mentioned amounts but it could make a significant difference if your eldest wants to buy a property and has a deposit. It wouldn't be as much as what your younger son has. It would be an acknowledgement that the situation is unfair and you did what you could to redress things.

From a financial perspective trying to redress any imbalance in your will means that your son is (hopefully) likely to already be middle aged before he inherits anything. Emotionally I think you could give different amounts to each son, but I would also leave a letter explaining why you have decided to do this and ensure that you leave both older and younger son some named sentimental/household items.

What I would be more careful about is letting the money come between your two sons. One brother giving or borrowing money off the other could really change their relationship. And I would try and make sure that I continued to treat both sons equally in financial terms.

What are talking about footballers lose millions and become broke. Why would they live different lives? People win the lottery and a year later are poor again. Do you know what you are talking about your poor children you are going to turn them against eachother. From the sounds of it your older son isn't tolerant of your behaviour and won't stand for your nonsense.

Sounds pretty standard. I wouldn't leave much to someone else's grandchild either if I had plenty of my own grandchildren.

Sorry I think I more outraged for the female blood grandchildren of your MIL from her brothers will than for you and your son.

no one is entitled to anything and if you have 2 children from different partners this happens and you just have to roll with it. However the female grandchildren should legally be entitled to anything the males are.

You're right, of course. That's what my "(unless they are, of course)" was about at the end of my post. Your step-father chose to treat you as an equal to his biological child. That was his right, but not his obligation. He's a better step-dad to his step-child than some bio dads are fathers to their own children (such as yours, perhaps). What I wrote evidently doesn't apply to you.

Which is all fair enough... I mean why would you purposely create bad feelings between your two sons? The mind boggles 😅

It’s more than - it’s because of who they are, who their parents are. They aren’t full siblings. You keep saying you understand that but you don’t seem to fully accept it.

my cousins and I will inherit differently - that is not unfair it’s just life.

There are ‘step’ cousins in my family (if that’s a thing?). They don’t inherit from anyone in my family. I seriously doubt they expect to. They can’t even remember my uncle and aunts names😂. I cent remember their names😂

If you are in pain over this OP, the sensible thing would be a couple of sessions with a therapist to work out how to move forward. There is no action you can take to alleviate the distress, it has to be about working through 1) why you are reacting so strongly and b) how to control those emotions. As another poster said, part of this will probably be about coming to accept your responsibility for the disparity in your children's lives.

It is the younger ones business, and it would be wrong of you to share his financial circumstances with his brother. He’s an adult, if he wants to he will. It doesn’t seem like he has any intention of sharing with his brother, and nor should he be expected to. He isn’t responsible for his brother, his brother hasn’t been wronged by not getting an inheritance from people he wasn’t related to, and your youngest isn’t obliged to put his brother on an equal financial footing. Putting that on him could very easily damage your relationship not only with him, but also with your partner. It could also easily lead to resentment towards his brother - it isn’t just the case that it’s not sharing that can lead to the breakdown of the sibling relationship.

What a great opportunity for your son.
he will I’m sure understand that he is fortunate.
and lucky that his family have the means to gift him money in their legacy.

I would think that he will totally understand when you own legacy is skewed towards his sibling.

but he shouldn’t feel guilty about the imbalance.
why would your partners family gift money outside of their actual blood family?
and I think you shouldn’t think too deeply into it. Surely it’s not a surprise. Why would they leave money to a child that isn’t theirs.

don’t put a wedge between the brothers
dont try and encourage someone to do “the right thing” etc etc

Your partner is right. It isn't your business to tell.
It's understandable that you feel disappointed for your eldest, but you're needlessly catastrophising.

A lot of people don't leave anything to people who aren't blood relatives. You may do what you like with any money you have. What you can't do is contol how other people allocate their money.

Your eldest son will inherit from you and his dad. Why should he inherit from a family he isn't related to when he has his dad's side of the family? How old was your eldest son when your youngest was born?

Have you misunderstood the situation in some way

The eldest son is NOT RELATED to these people, what do you mean 'help to know he isnt alone'

Guess what, I didnt inherit from these people either, can we wallow together about that?

Even if you couldn't have predicted the inheritance stuff, you could have predicted that issues of "fairness" arise when you have two children with two different men, creating this sort of set-up where one child is related to people who the other child is not related to.

accept that your children have different fathers. Accept it. They're equal to you as you are the common parent. They're not equal to each other, or to anyone else. This is a fact.

As the eldest child in a blended family this is really upsetting to read. It may be factual but thank god my mum and step dad have brought me up to be equal to my brother and sister. My mum had me when she was 16. She split up from my dad when she was 17. She met my step dad when I was 18 months old. My step dad is my dad to me. I haven't seen my biological dad since I was 7 years old -when he decided to have me for a week with his new family to see how I'd fit in. Clearly I didn't because I never saw him again.

The only person in my life who has made me feel like I wasn't part of my step family was my step dad's mum who had a hierarchy of grandchildren, even the biological ones. She had a photo wall where her eldest son's children were at the top, second eldest next and then my dad's at the bottom, fewer pictures as the levels dropped. I wasn't even on there.

My dad is a grumpy bastard but any inheritance is equal. I know this because his own mum's will was very unequal... there was a hierarchy with her children too: eldest got the money - no one knows how much, middle son got the house (which he actually owned anyway as he had bought it from the council for them) and my dad got the contents which mostly needed to be house cleared. The brothers are really close but this tested them. My dad declared he'd never do the same to his own family, blended or not.

Not all step families are the same.

1. It's fairy common knowledge that houses in London are of higher value than anywhere else in the country. So you might have predicted it.
2. What have your partner's mother's sisters and their property got to do with anything?

Why are you being so dramatic about all this?

Your DH is protecting his child from any grief he may get from his older step-brother, now or down the line. Isn't that normal?

What concern is it of your what your BILs and their children do?

It sounds like you're looking for things to get het up about....and then complain you're in a lot of pain. Just don't do it! Go for a walk! Cook dinner! Do you hobby! Do a 5k run! Stop winding yourself up about all this, it's so destructive.

From another of your threads:

“My eldest son believes that the sister-in-law's approach is much healthier and my approach just led him to being embarrassed all the time and ultimately disappointed. He feels that from day one if he had called the family by their names and not included it would all have been more honest. He feels his father was never mentioned whereas sister-in-law's ex comes in to chat (father of the youngest nephew elder one's father died). He believes the nephews' confidence stems from knowing what is what from day one. My partner agrees with him and said that I was neurotic wanting to create this ideal 'pretend' family.”

Your eldest son has said to you that your approach has hurt him, yet you’re persisting on what you think ‘should’ have been/be done.

Your emotions are out of sync with what you rationally know to be true, and you’re paying lip service by saying you know he isn’t their relative and has no right to inherit. In reality, you think you and he have been wronged. You feel how you feel, but while emotions are natural, they aren’t always ‘right’, and it can be unwise to validate ones that have only caused, and will only cause, negative repercussions in your life and those of your loved ones.

Challenge yourself on why exactly you feel as you do, be honest about what you did expect from them, and consider why you expected it. Work on accepting that life isn’t fair, and that ‘fairness’ isn’t something life owes us. Work on accepting what you cannot control, and stop allowing your hurt and bitterness over this to define your life and relationships.

What do you mean its not right, what isnt right?

I can see why this would cause you pain OP. You said the second inheritance was directed to only the male descendants. Are there female relatives who have been left out? It might help your eldest son a bit to know he wasn’t alone.

In your shoes I would try and create a trust fund now for your elder son. If you can build something that is for him alone, that might in some small way compensate for what has happened.

That was my thoughts she plotting to take from one and give to her oldest. If that happens then that's divorce over money. Some people feel entitled to more and are never satisfied. Her ex should have adopted his wife's child but the op was worried about money.

So your older child is likely to inherit from his dad and from you? Thats a lot more than most people. Do you expect your ex to include your younger child in his will?