One child has inherited AGAIN

"am also upset at not being able to have an open and honest conversation about what is happening. I.e. eldest not knowing some significant has happened"

It's not his business. It involves your younger son, not your older.

You're going to have to change your expectations and entitlement regarding your husband's family money.

If it helps, I was the step kid in a family that had a lot of wealth. I never expected anything from my stepmom who had the big money. I paid for my own school and my own car and my own place. I developed self reliance and independence. Your older son probably will too.

👀

The reality is your first son is not a blood relation of your in laws.

If it were my kids, I would hope my youngest who has inherited would step in and gift some money to their older sibling, especially if a situation arised in which they needed financial help.

Im confident my children have a close enough relationship that they would do this, happily. I would certainly help my brothers if I had inherited and they hadn’t, and they needed help. I guess it depends on the relationship between your two boys.

Where’s the judgement for men who have multiple mothers for their kids?

The sexism on this thread is terrible.

I’m assuming big lumps of hundreds of thousands- enough to buy a house with - possibly millions depending on where the mean old grandparents had their property.

Go and get some therapy. These things are actually SFA to do with you and there is nothing you can do about them. Your own older DC has already said you’re embarrassing him about it.

And to be very frank, it doesn’t sound like you want to get over it - it sounds like you are very money oriented and want some form of “justice”. So, I reiterate, go get some therapy.

Yes good point, I see what you mean

But you had two kids to two different men- you made that choice (and I say this as someone with two kids by two very different men). This is as a result of choices you (and their fathers made). It's not down to anyone else.

You've hit the nail on the head here! Op, if you choose to have one child with someone from a wealthy background and one with someone from a poorer background this is the natural result. Two sons from two different families, and you are the common denominator.

You are being a bit hysterical. Blood is thicker than water and it's really none of your business who relatives leave money to. I think with your attitude you are actually likely to make the situation worse with the way you discuss the subject with children.

120k

That’s not the same. OP says her and siblings have different lives/wealth but they are fine too.

One sibling inheriting always has the potential to cause resentment. That’s not anyone’s fault, that's just human nature.

The kids are innocent beings though - My dad remarried after my mum died, and I have two half siblings-
Dad’s new wife legally adopted me though ( I was very young) BUT new mum’s family definitely saw me as “ Not blood” and my half siblings were worshipped.

I definitely wasn’t left anything by step grandparents.

I tend to agree- oil and water families are tough on the kids, especially when there is favouritism.

( However, these relatives sound cunty not allowing granddaughters to inherit!
That’s really unfair.

Isn’t this just the normal possibility with half siblings though? If your eldest’s father’s family had left a chunk of inheritance to your eldest then your youngest wouldn’t have received anything either (obviously). So there’s always going to be a possibility of unequal wealth between half siblings. That’s just life I guess.

Op what kind of values are we talking here?

Whilst MIL was fair to her grandchildren, I do wonder how her children feel about it. They could have had their own hopes for an inheritance for their retirement and old age.

My adult children all have very different lives. They still live each other a lot and are kids again when they're together.

It's only a problem if you make it a problem tbh.

"I came on here because I am upset that my children will have such different lives, which of course many full siblings do, like my own but this disparity has not come about through different choices."

Maybe reframe the thinking. This is not a loss from your older child but a gain for the younger. So it is not the older is disadvantaged per se Vs what would be anyway. As you say, this difference might have occured because of many other factors, some by choice, some by happenstance. There is every chance the would have ended up with very different lives (either way around financially) anyway. And if course, more money does not necessarily equal happier.

I wonder if the thing is that makes it feels worse is the nature of the way that had it arrived, via a inheritance for one only. Had they both been given a birthday scratch card and only one had hit the jackpot would you feel the same?

I think I'd be quite disappointed if a male child of mine inherited money from a relative they didn't know purely because they were a male, and then decided to keep it secret and not share anything with their sister.

I think it is despicable that they are all accepting this money and keeping it secret so they don't feel guilty about not sharing any of it.

I know that won't be the popular opinion, and I know people are entitled to leave their money however they like, but I think people inheriting have a chance to make things fairer but choose not to out of pure greed.

You'll have to carry it to your grave or you can tell your oldest when you're on your death bed. I don't think his family will appreciate you letting out the secret. You will have to suck it up. Your oldest will be fine he will do well in life. He can live with you until he is on the property ladder.

I’m sure she’ll find out one way or another, and then be rightly angry. What a nasty toxic thing for your MIL’s half brother to do. Very strange too.

What MIL did is fine. What the brother did is disgusting, this isn’t the dark ages

Because this can still lead to hurt feelings.

A lot of people adults place their parents love to them in the inheritance When you parent leaves you less lots believes it’s because they love them less then causes issues with the siblings.

Unless you’ve sat down and explained it all far in advance it’s likely to lead to hurt feelings even if they understand.

has anyone made sure your youngest son has had financial support/advice. If he’s just had a a large sum at a young age he probably needs some guidance. I really feel for you O/P my heart would break for my older son in this situation. As much as you care about both your sons your husband only cares about his one. Imagine the conversation “don’t give anything to your brother because you earned that money for being in my bloodline and being a male well done” it’s like we’re back in the 1800s