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AIBU?

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Original poster

One child has inherited AGAIN

885 replies

EWAB · 10/01/2025 16:20

A decade ago my younger son benefited from a massive inheritance.

Essentially my MiL bypassed her three children and left everything to her 6 grandchildren.

The grandchildren: 2 siblings, 3 siblings and my younger child.

SHE WAS ENTITLED TO DO AS SHE PLEASED. IT WAS HER MONEY.

The fallout was quite seismic for lots of reasons. My partner felt that as he only had one child the family of the brother with 3 children benefitted disproportionately.

It was said at the time and I believe this to be the case that the will was designed like this. to stop my elder child from a previous relationship from benefiting as he might have done 40/50 years later if the money had gone directly to my partner.

As for my relationship, my partner refused to consider changing our wills leaving more to elder child who was at the time very unlikely to inherit from his own father. He is now on property ladder but any inheritance will pale into insignificance compared with younger child’s

Well it’s happened again!

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

HE WAS ENTITLED TO DO WHAT HE WANTED WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

I genuinely can’t contemplate my two sons having such vastly different lives.

I want advice to come to terms with it . I have disabled voting. I can’t talk to anyone.

OP posts:
UndermyShoeJoe · 10/01/2025 20:24

daisychain01 · 10/01/2025 20:23

You had 2 children by 2 different men

OMG! talk about weaponising the OP's past relationship background.

How deeply unpleasant.

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It’s not weaponised. It’s facts. Two children. Two dads. Two families. Unless you pick two men from identical situations the child will have different lives and even then they still will
because one child will live full time with both parents while one doesn’t let alone money.

GivingitToGod · 10/01/2025 20:24

Katbum · 10/01/2025 17:27

I think for some of us it's just the gall with which some mothers approach new relationships when the first didn't work out - as if they are really blind to the fact that their DC are their DC not the new partner's and certainly not the new extended family's. Then the 'step' family somehow get labelled as unreasonable or unfair when all along it is the parent who failed their child by breaking up the nuclear family and everyone else is just dealing with the fall out,

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Unbelievable unfair and judgemental post

Onedaynotyet · 10/01/2025 20:23

mykettle · 10/01/2025 20:17

You are being a bit hysterical. Blood is thicker than water and it's really none of your business who relatives leave money to. I think with your attitude you are actually likely to make the situation worse with the way you discuss the subject with children

@Bogginsthe3rd stop using such patronising misogynistic language. There is nothing at all hysterical about the OP's posts, she seems deeply saddened but resigned to the vile attitudes of her husbands family, and vile is exactly what they are, vile and cruel. Why on earth you would post on here defending someone who would deliberately exclude the females of their bloodline is beyond me, it's no better than writing a child out of their will because they are mixed race, or have Downs syndrome.

Just because people can does not mean they should!

In some cultures (including white British a couple of hundred years ago) this would be considered sensible. I'm not saying you or I should agree with this, but that we might have to accept it as being out of our experience.

daisychain01 · 10/01/2025 20:23

RabbitsEatPancakes · 10/01/2025 16:42

You've had 2 children with 2 different men, of course they will have different lives.
Yabu to expect 2nd sons family to make up for your poor choice of 1st sons family.

You had 2 children by 2 different men

OMG! talk about weaponising the OP's past relationship background.

How deeply unpleasant.

Livelovebehappy · 10/01/2025 20:23

Might not seem fair, but their money, their choice.

changecandles · 10/01/2025 20:23

Barrenfieldoffucks · 10/01/2025 16:28

Your older child wasn't her grandchild, and has his own paternal family to inherit from. He won't have counted as a male member of the family, because in terms of bloodlines he isn't.

Duh yes the OP is well aware of this obvious fact. Do you always restate things the OP has said?

She's saying it's tough that her two sons have such different financial situation not that she is perplexed by how it happened

ThatRareUmberJoker · 10/01/2025 20:23

EWAB · 10/01/2025 20:17

I can’t talk to my elder son as it’s my younger one’s story. That is DP’s argument! He says it’s no body’s business but DS2’s and nephew’s .

You can't betray your younger son it's up to him if he tells his older brother. Its not up to you or your DH if your older son should know it's not your money or your husbands. I bet your younger son will tell his brother, you have to leave it up to him. Don't get involved they are adults 18 and 24 back away or you will lose one of them.

Another2Cats · 10/01/2025 20:22

LostittoBostik · 10/01/2025 19:50

What relationship does your inheriting son have with your other DC?

You don't have to just accept the will. You can - if all agree - sign a deed of variation. That means the money could be split between the kids. The executor of the estate would have to agree, as well as other benefactors

My DH used this to split inheritance with other surviving family members when he inherited all (by law) from a relative who died without leaving a will.

"You can - if all agree - sign a deed of variation. That means the money could be split between the kids. "

It is unlawful to do this if any of the beneficiaries are under the age of 18. You have to get a court order.

It sounds as though the younger son and some of the cousins may be under the age of 18.

BobbyBiscuits · 10/01/2025 20:22

The stuff you put in capitals is the answer to your query.

Bleachbum · 10/01/2025 20:21

EWAB · 10/01/2025 20:17

I can’t talk to my elder son as it’s my younger one’s story. That is DP’s argument! He says it’s no body’s business but DS2’s and nephew’s .

I agree with him. In much the same way that it’s none of you business to tell one son what the other one earns etc for example.

Hwi · 10/01/2025 20:21

DorotheaHomeAlone · 10/01/2025 16:30

Sorry, just to be clear, you tried to convince your partner to change his will and leave more money to his step child than his biological dc? That is pretty nuts if so.

Your family is blended but your kids do not have one family. They have two. Personally, I think they should inherit equally from your household, given the older won’t inherit from his dad, but it’s fair enough if grandparents want to leave money for their biological grandkids only.

This

Original poster
EWAB · 10/01/2025 20:20

We’re not talking about Lucien Freud and no one is grieving. Nobody who has inherited really knew him.

OP posts:
JustWalkingTheDogs · 10/01/2025 20:20

Are you likely to inherit from your parents? If you do, why don't you ask them to give your inheritance to your eldest son.

By the way I'd also be upset in behalf of my eldest son to so can understand why you posted

BringOnTheSunshineNow · 10/01/2025 20:20

DH was brought up by a single Mother. She married the man he now calls dad when he was about 6. They then had another child (my BIL.)

NEVER have they EVER given their 2 sons anything different.

I hear you OP.

X

brummumma · 10/01/2025 20:19

She's not your MIL if you aren't married? So he's either your partner and you're not married or you are married and he's your husband?!

That's important because you can hardly start complaining about the situation when you aren't even married into the family

Another2Cats · 10/01/2025 20:19

Likewhatever · 10/01/2025 19:38

No need to be rude. Of course I haven’t misunderstood, I know he doesn’t have any right to inherit, but if everyone of his siblings and cousins have inherited, that is bound to hurt.

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But they are not his "siblings and cousins"

They are his step-brother and step-cousins. A very different matter indeed.

Even if there was no will and a person died intestate then any step-children or foster children are excluded from inheriting.

mykettle · 10/01/2025 20:17

You are being a bit hysterical. Blood is thicker than water and it's really none of your business who relatives leave money to. I think with your attitude you are actually likely to make the situation worse with the way you discuss the subject with children

@Bogginsthe3rd stop using such patronising misogynistic language. There is nothing at all hysterical about the OP's posts, she seems deeply saddened but resigned to the vile attitudes of her husbands family, and vile is exactly what they are, vile and cruel. Why on earth you would post on here defending someone who would deliberately exclude the females of their bloodline is beyond me, it's no better than writing a child out of their will because they are mixed race, or have Downs syndrome.

Just because people can does not mean they should!

Original poster
EWAB · 10/01/2025 20:17

I can’t talk to my elder son as it’s my younger one’s story. That is DP’s argument! He says it’s no body’s business but DS2’s and nephew’s .

OP posts:
WorkSad · 10/01/2025 20:17

HollyKnight · 10/01/2025 20:09

There isn't anything to come to terms with. The problem is in the way you are framing this in your mind. Your youngest being given an advantage doesn't disadvantage your eldest. They are not rivals. They are not in competition with each other. What would be unfair is you, their mother, changing your will to leave your eldest more money than the youngest. Your youngest has done nothing wrong and doesn't deserve to be treated lesser by either of his parents.

The people who are actually being disadvantaged here are the nieces. What a disgusting choice that was.

Agreed. The trouble with these threads is that the OP sees themselves as the protagonist and the centre of a family tree. As in "these are my 2 sons, raised by me, attention/love/financial support given 50/50". They're not 50/50 or 2 halves of something to anyone else.

Choccyscofffy · 10/01/2025 20:17

soupfiend · 10/01/2025 20:15

How is he an artist?

Piss artist?

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🤣

Elon Musk

HaveTeaWillSurvive · 10/01/2025 20:17

Depends on how much are we talking here and how old your DC are? If your youngest DC is an adult have they mentioned sharing a small portion with their sibling? I like to think that’s what I would personally do in their situation but I get on well with my sisters. At the end of the day it’s their money so you do just need to leave it be and make peace with it, but if you decide to leave your estate in a different proportion to compensate please discuss this intention and rationale with both children beforehand. Emotions are high when grieving and could be interpreted very badly. We’ve been through something similar in our extended family and it caused a huge amount of unintended hurt.

soupfiend · 10/01/2025 20:17

UndermyShoeJoe · 10/01/2025 20:15

Is MC’s baby daddy surely 🤨

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More confusion, who is MC?

UndermyShoeJoe · 10/01/2025 20:15

soupfiend · 10/01/2025 20:15

How is he an artist?

Piss artist?

Show quote history

Is MC’s baby daddy surely 🤨

soupfiend · 10/01/2025 20:15

Choccyscofffy · 10/01/2025 20:12

The Musky one.

Show quote history

How is he an artist?

Piss artist?

ThatRareUmberJoker · 10/01/2025 20:14

This is by no means aimed at you op but some of these responses are making me laugh. How many of you on this thread is waiting for an inheritance? Don't anyone work for their shit or are you waiting for it to be handed to you?