One child has inherited AGAIN

But they are a nuclear family, growing up together. The heart doesn’t always understand facts.

Yes my closer half. Went to uni with help. I did not. They work in a low paid area but hard work.

I had children, the family was very much wanting to be involved in that.

They go off to fancy restaurants and trips abroad, I grow food on my land. They have high end furniture I like to build things from as much reclaimed items I can.

very very different lives. Which one of us is happier well who knows.

They have different fathers

They are part of the same nuclear family.

@Floralnomad
Awful advice! but brilliant if you want to leave a legacy of recentment to your children, leaving the youngest with the belief their mother didnt love them and left them nothing to inherit and resentment between the two brothers.

This is not the same as the youngest inheriting from their own grandmother which OP's eldest is NOT entitled to but it all depends on how OP handles this situation.

That’s all different. An inheritance is a gift, and watching your sibling get one when you don’t hurts.

Your older child might benefit from an inheritance, yours. If you have 2 children, then that would be 50/50. Whilst you might think it unfair that your younger child has received more than your eldest child, there is nothing you can do about that. Just remember that some people receive no inheritance, and still manage to make their own way in life. Both my parents are dead and I never received a penny, but I'm still solvent.

You can't do anything about the disparity in inheritance between your children unfortunately, no matter how unfair it might seem.

I understand why it upsets you, but I think you are being a bit unreasonable- your son’s have different father’s and so there was always the possibility that inheritance would not be entirely equal. If your eldest had inherited from your MIL he could have ended up with the inheritances- one from each parent and from MIL. I’m not sure you can make it entirely “fair” in blended families where there is a disparity between the wealth/income if the families involved.

if I understand it correctly your eldest child is your partner’s stepson and your younger son’s half brother- so your MIL was not directly related to your older son? If so, I totally understand why she might have chosen not to leave your older son an inheritance as he has 2 sets of grandparents/parents to inherit from- I know you’ve said he is unlikely to inherit much from his dad’s side, but I don’t think it was your MIL’s responsibility to make that “equal”. I don’t know what their relationship was like or how old your son was when he came into their family, which would also influence things , I’d have though. For all I know, she might have accepted your eldest as family and included/been lovely to him but not seen him as a grandson.

I also understand why, having chosen to leave to grandchildren not children, your MIL chose to leave equally to each grandchild and not split between each child’s family (this one grandchild getting far more than the others who have siblings)- that would seem unfair.

I think the great-uncle’s legacy is grossly unfair, but as you’ve acknowledged it is his money to leave as he wishes. I think it would be unlikely that a more distant relative such as a great uncle would include a step-child. Especially so if he had no or a very distant relationship with your eldest. He might not have had a close relationship with your younger son either, but feel a connection via kinship.

I think you can’t make this fair. You could seek to make your will more reflective of the inheritance your youngest has already received. You can’t make your DH do that, but you can do it for your own. But perhaps tell your youngest in advance so he doesn’t see it as a snub or favouritism after you’ve passed.

it does, but then you could debate the issue of what if one gets a better job, or if one is more successful, or what if both got the same amount but one spends it all and wants to borrow off the other one etc sometimes as much as its a pickle, sometimes its how it happens

How is it weaponised? The OP does have 2 kids with different fathers. That means two different extended families. It’s not hard to understand. Oh, and the comment about poor choice of first father is likely accurate as long as OP wasn’t widowed. Not deeply compassionate but accurate.

But they have different families that’s the point. My siblings are all half’s. They might get from their families and I won’t and I wouldn’t expect to know about it. Just as I wouldn’t tell or share mine.

This is completely different to what the OP is describing.

I also am not going to inherit anything, which I’m fine with.

But when you’re one of two siblings and know that your sibling will inherit a life changing amount, that has to sting.

@mykettle Why did you say "you are being a bit hysterical..." and then have a go at @Bogginsthe3rd and say "There is nothing at all hysterical about the OP's posts"?

🤔

thats the thing, money changes people, and yes right now i could really use some savings, i would never expect them so to speak, but if it was to happen then it would only be me and the bank account because as much as i care about my family i know id need to save for the future. (admitted i should of been better at saving but thankfully not too bad at the moment)

Exactly. I don’t have anything to do with my biological haven’t ever. He could have £1 in his bank or 1 million.

If by some chance he died and left
me anything I sure as shit wouldn’t be telling anyone other than my husband.

I do get it actually. I am quite clear about the relationship between the different sides of the blended family, I didn’t think it needed spelling out that these were step relationships. Clearly the elder son is not a full blood relation in the way the others are and wouldn’t expect to inherit. That doesn’t make it any less painful, for the OP who loves both of her sons and doesn’t want to see them divided by this, and for the boy himself. And that’s the second time you’ve been rude.

long story short, sometimes it happens, its like me, i don't know my biological father, he could be minted , i don't know, but ive made peace with what finances i have, if somehow i got a vast inheritance then yes id keep it secret from family to keep the peace, but that aside sometimes we can only use the cards we get given in life, plus if your not willing to share etc then what would be achieved by them telling the others etc as then it just causes or creates resentment , envy, guilt etc

Respecting and defending the rights of individuals to make their own choices over their own assets isn’t the same thing as agreeing with the choices they may make.

Personally I don’t agree or disagree with, it’s not like I need to either. It’s irrelevant.

It's not weaponsing it's staying the obvious. They will be treated differently and it's unfortunate I don't think the op wanted this life for herself or her children but she has to deal with it.

My husband has two brothers. Neither had children. We had sons.

My FIL a wealthy man had been to the accountants, solicitors they'd come up with a plan to skip a generation and leave everything to his grandsons in trust until they were adults.

We were appalled knowing that it would do so much damage to siblings family relationships. We also didn't want our sons to be wealthy at such a young age.

We explained this all to FIL. He died suddenly two years later, leaving everything to his sons thank god.

We never told the brothers or our sons.

No-one was hurt.

Siblings do have different life experiences and different ways these the dice fall for them.

One gets their father and a step father. The other just their father.

They’re different ages when Covid turns their world upside down.

One may be taller. One may be sportier. One got an awesome teacher for their favourite subject and pursues it as a career with passion. One gets a dud, underperforms in an exam and doesn’t get to the uni course they might have done.
One gets every lurgy going, the other has good health. One works in a sector where there’s great job security, the other gets made redundant.

Theres more to life than money, and no two people live the same life. This is one difference in a lifetime of them.

Weaponising!!!

lol

OP infact you must write your will to leave your half of the estate to your eldest with your dh having a life interest in the house if you die first otherwise your dh might cut him out completely

"What a nasty toxic thing for your MIL’s half brother to do. Very strange too."

In certain cultures in the UK it is certainly not a strange thing to do at all (unfortunately).

Op you can leave more to your eldest in your will if you outlive your dh. You can also write a will that leaves your entire half of your estate to your eldest if you die first.