One child has inherited AGAIN

Nicely put. 😊 And clearer. The coal had muddied communication a little

I was making a clear comparison about how step children should and should not be treatment. For example, I said it would be wrong to sit in a room as a family and give the biological children gifts and nothing (the ‘lump of coal’ which people talk about giving to naughty children hence why I used that example) to the step children. Most blended families operate in this way, they treat the children together as one family on a day to day. Personally, I don’t think it’s wrong to not give inheritance to adult stepchildren.

As it happens, yes I lived in a proper blended family. Did you?

I do not feel I was treated unfairly. My half siblings and I (I have a full biological sister too) all have 1 mum and 1 dad. The stepparents are part and parcel of life but they’re not the same as biological parents. I may inherit from my mum one day or I may not if she needs it for care.

Step families operate in various ways and expecting grandparents to automatically consider them in their wills is bonkers to me. My dad chose to re marry and my stepmum chose a man with children, her parents (very nice people) did not choose to blend the family. I wouldn’t expect my half siblings to have less inheritance from their maternal family knowing I will probably inherit from my maternal family.

To be fair to the OP, she did say that her MIL and her MIL's half brother were entitled to do what they wanted with their money. However, I do feel there was an element of disappointment for her in how they dealt with things, and also with her DP refusing to change his will to more accommodate her DS1.

I think her main concern going forth, and the point of her current post is that she feels that her DS1 will have a vastly different life to his younger brother. She stated that she is very upset by this and her words were, "I want advice to come to terms with it."

So really, although she is not happy about it, it actually does seem like she has accepted it and perhaps just wants words of encouragement.

I just think it is what it is, but I'm not sure that's very encouraging for her to hear.

Tbh I don’t understand your post either 😊 Are you being ironic about a lump of coal? I do hope so. And I wasn’t saying anyone should ‘expect’ anything. They are dealing with the situation as it is. The elder son is getting zilch, nada, nothing (not even a piece of coal..or 5k…), from his putative ‘stepfather’s’ estate/relatives. It is what it is, whatever anybody did or didn’t expect, and it is blatantly dismissive of his feelings/position. He’s been a part of their family for twenty years, and is the brother of their biological son/grandson/great nephew. It is grossly neglectful and disrespectful of their natural son’s/grandson’s mother too. All because of money. ‘The root of all evil’. So you got 5k…and are happy with it (not so much the lump of coal?). How old were you when your dad got together with your stepmum incidentally? Were you pre-school, so effectively raised by her? Some could argue you have been treated unfairly, whatever your expectations, and two wrongs don’t make a right, whatever your personal situation. It’s like saying ‘I was smacked as a child and what’s good enough for me is good enough for everyone else.’ ie…a non sequitur.

This is disingenuous. Requiring women to justify or criticise men’s actions is sexist, you know it which is why you’re splitting hairs.

She had no input into the uncle’s will.

Which isn't what you said.

It's also wrong. Nobody can require anything. The OP has told us what she thinks of the decision, and this didn't include any criticism of the sexism. She has full and total input into her own posts.

Requiring a woman to criticise a male’s decision that benefitted other males and into which she had zero input IS sexist.

This is nonsensical. OP or anyone else criticising the decision on sexist grounds would be the opposite of justifying it.

There’s a whole back catalogue! Enjoy

Apparently, it's a sequel. I must go back and read the earlier ones, lol

That would be asking a woman to justify a man’s decision to leave his money to his nephews, which would be very unfair and sexist.

💯 This is the only injustice here. Everything else that others have said and done, apart from the OPs stance, are very much justifiable and within their rights to do, I find.

Indeed. This saga is better than some books I've read.

It is honestly like a soap opera.

The plot thickens yet more! 🤣

The stepchild in the other household doesn't have a father. That makes things different.

@QuimCarrey It’s so confusing! She’s saying he will inherit half of his biological father’s property? My understanding was he wasn’t ‘there’ for him (and according to another poster, OP said on a different thread she’s against her ex adopting his stepchild…if he does what of his property/first child then?). Can of worms comes to mind. Though at least her ex believes the male adult in a household has a responsibility, morally and emotionally, for all the children in his family (as does the mother), not just his ‘natural’ children. Which surely is a good thing? If you are only interested in a relationship with the woman…don’t get together and live with a mother and her existing child (OP and her partner got together when her son was four…not even at school yet).

Agree. Where is the outrage for the nieces??

Although a man who leaves his money to male descendants only (as long as they continue the precious bloodline), has archaic values and frankly they all need to get with the 21st century.

He obviously sounds awful, but it's interesting that OP has had nothing to say about the sexism. There's no evidence she'd have any problem with the male only provision if it had favoured her DP and/or DSS too.

I am responding based on this thread, not prior information that you have regarding her opinion as to whether or not her ex adopts his current partner’s children. Though if that is his objective, it shows he has way more concern for his ‘adoptive’ child, ie his partner’s child, than the OP’s partner has about hers. As I understand it (also gleaned from other posters)…they have been together for 20 years, from when her son was four. He has grown up with his mother and her partner, yet is not accepted as legitimate ‘family’ by him or by his de facto ‘grand’ mother who has left a sizeable sum to his younger brother, and zero to him. Not a brass farthing. Shame on them. And again I shall state my opinion, which differs from yours…as is your right. If she didn’t want to store up grief for decades to come, particularly for her child, she SHOULD have made sure he would be wholly accepted by her partner and his family, before she had another child with him two years later. Surely two years was sufficient to see where the land lay (or at least the year of it before she got pregnant). They are not married, so legally he has no stepchild. He has not adopted him. And this is the fallout twenty years later…she has two sons with vastly different prospects, both of loving support and financial security. Added to which she is vilified by all concerned, for fighting his corner. No wonder the poor kid tells her to leave it. He knows noone has their backs. It’s sad that she has embroiled them both, and now her younger son too, in this mess. And if the grandmother/great uncle can’t see that their actions have added to the problem, then they’re to blame too. Although a man who leaves his money to male descendants only (as long as they continue the precious bloodline), has archaic values and frankly they all need to get with the 21st century. Or rather…a humanitarian version, that from the great majority of these responses to her plight, clearly doesn’t exist. I’ve seen zero empathy for that poor boy, both as a child and now as a young man. A lot has been said about him inheriting from his ‘natural’ father. If he is keen to have a legal connection with his current partner’s (wife’s?) child, as you state, what will be left for the older boy then? He’s been left out every which way. Seems to me she’s desperately trying to make it up to him for the inadequate ‘father’ she saddled him with, since before he was even at school. One who clearly doesn’t want the responsibility of her (their!) child. It’s his son’s brother! His long term partner’s son! What a flake.

I’d say it’s fairly normal in a blended family. I have 2 full siblings, one half.
My half sibling is sole beneficiary to her gp’s and their uncle who never had children, at a guess they will inherit over half a million in total. She will also inherit over half of my DM and SD estate, he is leaving his half purely to her, my DM is splitting her half evenly amongst her 4 children. My step family aren’t my family I wouldn’t expect nor would I want anything from them, I was 10 when they came into my life, I am late 40’s now, I have a minimal relationship with them all.

Someone posted this exact scenario the other day, but actually the SM is leaving all of her share to their one joint DC, and the DF is leaving his half, 50/50 between both his children. This is normal and fair. That’s not being short-changed.

It could be worse- I'm a second child in this scenario, all through my life I got less than my half brother-he was supported through university and I wasn't.my father's mother was about to support me but died before I went, my Dad was executor got everything, but still gave me not one penny for university.
My step mother brought nothing to the marriage, never worked and never inherited and yet my half brother will get three quarters and I will get a quarter-so I am short changed yet again.
This is my father's choice , and there is nothing I can do about it- you just have to accept it, at least your partner recognises the inequality, so your son is in a better position than I was.

You need to stop looking at it as a secret in your family. It is a matter within your DP’s family and while it involves your DS2 it does not involve, and doesn’t need to, your DS1.

All this apparent grief over your DC having different lives is energy I cannot fathom. Many things will mean your children will have different lives. If one of your DC had a lottery win, would you be asking here how to come to terms with this? You are putting far too much emphasis on the wrong things IMO. Both DC are seemingly happy and healthy, and will be in charge of their own lives and have some form of inheritance from their own families.

They are doing far, far better than many others. You can concern yourself with this only if and when your DC1 comes to you to share the view that life has wronged him somehow.

They are not children the oldest is 24 and the youngest is 18. It's up to him if he wants to tell his older brother.